Tony, the reasons you mention you love her... she's clingy, and makes you feel needed are understandable.. who doesn't want to feel needed? We all do. Her clingy nature may also be why she hangs on to this other guy.
You have things in common and similar interests and thats all good. Sounds like you would have a totally fine and happy relationship if she were doing things to make you feel more secure about her old friend with benefits.
An fwb situation by nature means they don't have to have feelings about each other to have sex... thats a scary friendship to keep if you ask me. If she can't be alone for a few minutes while you work and needs to turn to another male for attention in the short time of the day that you can't give it to her... well then... you're in for a world of hurt.
But alas, your feelings are already involved so this way or that way a broken heart could be in the cards. There is hope that things can turn around but that will only ever be possible if she can learn to see things from your perspective.
Asking her how she would feel about you contacting a girl you use to sleep with everytime you are out of site of her, how that would make her feel. You don't need to make her feel untrustworthy you need to make her understand that you are a human being with feelings not unlike her own and if something would hurt her, it would also hurt you.
Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.
HD makes a very good point here.Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork
One thing though, no matter which way you decide to proceed with this, you need to work on YOU too. Work on your confidence, you insecurities, etc. It will only make you feel better about yourself and make you a better man. Whether that is a better man for her or for someone else down the road, but definitely a better man for yourself.
Friendship Prayer
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.
Amen
Whoever said anything was possible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.
Personally? It's only been 4 months.
Ask youself this. Why has she finally let go of the "friends with benefits" situation and entered into a more giving, loving relationship one she can have any time of the week?
It takes a strong person to walk away from someone she has feelings over, yet knows that it is never going to be anything more.
She used to go on road trips with him, they were also very "close" friends as well, not just friends with benefits, there was some respect there.
16 weeks is not long to get used to a new relationship. And, it's not long to get over past... If there were feelings involved, then time is needed, just as time is needed for her love to grow even stronger with you.
Purely make it clear with her that you won't tolerate cheating, you love her and want to develop this relationship and your glad that she entered your life.
You can not stop anyone, going backwards in life... so there isn't much point worrying about it or arguing about it because they will do it anyway if it is in their nature or it's their will, even if they come to realisation later that it was a mistake.
Ask her to be open about it and tell her you trust her, because trust and communication are a "must" to develop a relationship.
If you get a "gut" feeling that she's then taking advantage of that? Then you can step in and say, "sorry, I am not comfortable anymore, I feel your taking your friendship just over the edge here"...
Jealousy and worry will only make matters worse for you, cause more arguements and in the end, a failure of the relationship.
Only you know if you feel that she is giving love back to you and loves you.
You do have to work on yourself because you could be seeing it all wrong, she could be avoiding telling you things now, due to the arguements. But, she has told you about him and that's a plus is it not?
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
CW says exactly what I was thinking, she just puts it soooo much better
Krystal
I disagree.
In this situation, there are two options:
She'll cheat on him.
She wont' cheat on him.
Her actions indicate the first option are more likely.
Hello!!!!
Ding ding ding ding ding....ding. Do you hear the alarms going off? LET HER GO. You are going to lead yourself into a huge disappointment. If she hasn't already, she will cheat on you with this guy. She obviously doesn't have enough respect for your relationship to stop communicating with him, since you've told her that it bothers you. It pisses me off to see guys falling all over themselves for girls like this when good girls like myself sit home on Friday night and give other people relationship advice....
Ok coming from a girls perspective, she wanted this guy. He wants sex, which makes her think he wants her. four months isnt a long time... if she had a huge thing for this guy its not going to go away easily. She'll cheat on you given the right chance with this guy. My sister always told me the rule of thumb is "you can never be friends with someone youve had sex with" period. much less hang out with them. i know its hard. just call her and tell her u need to talk and let the chips fall.
this is so untrue. I actually still have contact with almost every guy i've ever been with. Heck I'm even in contact with 2 of the woment my man have been with. My man has met the guy I was with before him. The same guy I cried over to my man for 3 yrs. if it is real love, who they were with in the past wont matter. Its being mature enough to know the past is past and thats where it belongs. So many people want to automatically assume everyone is a cheater with out giving them the benefit of the doubt. cheating is a choice not a rule. If she is a honest person, even if the change arose, she would turn it down (as I have). If you dont trust that she will stay faithful then you need to let her go. 4 months is not alot of time. She could very well have feelings for him but its not unheard of for feelings to change when you find someone who makes you happy.
have you spoken with her yet? Its been a little while now.
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