ThexMrs

After dating someone for 7 months I feel that the two should be sharing their lives together and not keeping secrets. I don't feel that after 7 months you should have personal issues that you don't talk to your significant other about. Am I wrong?

I ask because over the last month and a half my boyfriend has been acting really strange. He disappears and resurfaces a lot. He tells me he's having a bad day but never tells me why. He doesn't open up his personal life to me.

Last night we got into a huge fight because he never opens up. He made me think that for the last month and a half, everything has been my fault. I told him that we needed to talk. Then he texts me this, "There is nothing to talk about. I was dealing with personal issues that I wanted to work out on my own. Now that I have, I want to see you." That made me so mad. He texted back after I asked what was going on and he said, "They are my personal issues. Sorry."

Yes... In that month and a half we've not seen each other once! He only lives 15 minutes away!

In my opinion, in a relationship I think that "personal issues" should be discussed. I think that they should be mutual personal issues. That's just me though. So please, tell me if I'm wrong.

__________________

Hopeless Dork

15 minutes a way and not able to see each other for a month? Personal issues he refuses to give any indication of what its about other than "personal" does not sound like the kind of intimacy one would expect after 7 months together

You are not wrong to be upset, thing is... if he doesn't want to talk about it, he won't. If he's too busy with his problems to see you... it won't happen. You can't do anything about either of those things -- however, you can decide if its what you are willing to put up with from a boyfriend.

__________________
-------------
Defintion of Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein

LanaBear

You know my thoughts on the 15 minutes away and haven't seen each other in over a month BS... I think he's got other stuff going on as it's all too fishy...

I agree with HD, you have to decide if you're will to deal with it or just call it a day and go your separate ways.

__________________
Sometimes life isn't the party we hoped for, but since we're here, we might as well DANCE!

mdraven

Sounds to me like he has someone else but wants to keep you on the back burner.

ThexMrs

He's very closed off and kind of a recluse. I learned this the hard way obviously. He had a really bad childhood that he refuses to talk about even though he promised we would. He had a really bad marriage that ended in divorce. (She cheated) He has two kids, one of which he didn't find out about until the child was 5. He's 9 now. The other is 5 but he doesn't know where he is. His life has been a mess from the little that I know. I understand why he has his guard up but after 7 months I don't think it's acceptable.

Whether I should be with him or not is not in question. I know how I feel about him and what I want and don't want from him.

I just wanted to know if I was in the wrong for expecting him to tell me what is going on especially after 7 months of being together.

As for having another woman on the side. That's a huge no. He isn't that kind of a person. I know people who have known him since he was a young kid and now he's 32. That's not what it is. The more I thought about it today I think that maybe this has to do with his kids. He's trying to get partial custody of the one child. The other's mother wants him to sign his rights away because her boyfriend or husband is adopting the child.

I really don't know... I'm going to push for answers tonight and if he doesn't like it then he can leave my house. I won't be in this kind of a relationship.

__________________

Tex

Is he the one you mentioned in the chase thread? Then you've known him longer than for seven months?

Even if you've known him for only seven months there should be much more communication. Yeah, sometimes we to close up and not talk about our feelings..

But I still find it odd that he's been out of reach for such a long time if he lives just 15 minutes away from you. Even for a guy.. even for one that is recluse.. that seems excessive.

CHANDLERS WISH

He has to respect you Linds.

He can't call himself a "boyfriend" if you see him every 6 weeks, don't know if you "now" know where exactly he lives or if you have since been to his house or not, but he has to have respect where the word relationship is concerned.

I also don't know if Jarred knows about Marty and your feelings for Marty and if he does, then he's probably not being attached to you, as you had once I think mentioned he wanted to move in with you? Or something of that nature? So, if he knows about Marty and your love connection there, then he may feel he doesn't have to justify anything because your hearts not 100% with him.

Just my 2c's with love.

CW

__________________
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told

Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!

Register! | Rules/FAQ | Contact Mod

OhThereYouAre

Your love life is tough to follow.

A week ago, you were fooling around with Ilya.

But you love Marty the most.

And now you've had a boyfriend for 7 months?

__________________
'If you think you can or you can't, you're probably right..."

"It is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit..."

"People who lack the sense to question Big Lies always end up in deep trouble..."

"I don't worry about pointing fingers in the past...i operate under the assumption that every saint has a past and every sinner has a future..."

"Build the life you want and then find someone to share it with, someone who fits where you are and where you are going..."

Kallygirlie

well the way I see it, yes after 7 months he should want to talk to you but he is allowed to have personal issues. I've been with my man for over a yr and there still things I don't want to talk about. Some times people handle things differently and telling someone is not there way. Now as for him not seeing you for a month and a half, well that's just shady.

__________________
Krystal

WildChild

What I've said, I still say. You need to take some time to just work on yourself. All the stuff with all these guys is really a side issue right now. You need to get your education, sort out more of your emotional and self esteem stuff and get yourself on an even keel, with your life moving toward your goals.

You know you haven't been 100% open and honest about all that you've had go on. There have been other men, you've had a lot of turmoil, moves and negative people to deal with. Sweetie, you are wounded and you need to work on healing yourself before you get in deep with anyone else. Right now with all your dramas you will only attract men with equal dramas. Once you get on track,(what happened to studying to be a psychologist?) what you want in a man will very likely change. You have to get strong in yourself, on your own before you find someone to share your life with.

Your father left in a very dramatic and permanent way and he wasn't exactly fun and games to live around before hand. You still haven't Really laid that to rest, so you can leave it behind. Your attraction to older men, difficulty in saying NO and keeping out of situations where you get used and abused, make that clear. Linds, you know, I want to see you happy and living the life you were meant for. You are making progress, have a job, got your own place, compared to where you were that is huge! Keep that momentum going! You need to focus on You right now. Where do you see yourself in 1 year, 5 years, 10? Build the life you want and then find someone to share it with, someone who fits where you are and where you are going.

Did you get the Heroine's Journey yet?

__________________
We can only learn to love by loving.

Iris Mudoch, British writer