going a bit crazy..

FrankieFrank · 09-30-2009, 08:18 AM

Okay, so i have this problem in that i’m quite a nosey person i guess, i like to know things. Its not a good character trait i know and i manage to keep it suppressed most of the time but every now and again it rears its ugly head.. as it did a couple of weeks ago when i was around at my boyfriend’s house using his computer, he was watching tv and i was just messing about online when i decided to check my myspace messages, so i typed in the url and then his page etc came up because he had accidentally left his logged in.... at which point i should have logged him straight out i know, but i didn’t, instead i let curiousity get the better of me and i had a bit of a snoop and read his messages.. and i wasn’t happy with what i found

two things –

the first was a message he’d sent to an ex gf basically saying he wanted to come visit and could he sleep on her sofa (as she lives other side of the country now).. the thing that got me, apart from the huge amount of “xxxxxxx” at the end, was that he said he thought she “looked really good” now ??? he doesn’t really give compliments like that to anyone so is he trying to flirt with her?? They only split up because she moved away.. and also that he’d sent it at a time and date when i know from working it out that he had been out with me and our friends on a night out and had come home drunk... so was he just thinking of her whilst he was out with me? They don’t have much, if any, contact, so why does he want to go see her now??

Secondly – he’s been on the site for a few years and only had a bunch of messages still in his inbox, all from the last month or so, so he’d obviously been through and deleted all the rest – except for two, one of which was just some random info he’d been sent and kept for organisational purposes and one which was an email from a female friend of his declaring her love for him in a wanting a relationship kind of way (and him back!).. it is from before when we got together, but its just got me thinking because they are still really close but whenever i get wary of their closeness he always reassures me that “its never been like that” between them and they’ve always just been really close mates, so now not only do i not believe him, but i don’t know why he has kept that one message? (the boring organisational message was older, so its not a case of him just forgetting to delete it) did he keep it because it means something to him? Does he like her? Why keep that message? Hes obviously read it recently? Does he re-read it and think about her?

I’m going crazy wondering about these two things but the worst thing is that i can’t say anything about it because if i do he’ll know that i read his messages and then the trust in our relationship will be gone and we’ll be over anyway! I have no idea what to do???

p.s. i used to be on here under a different name, but i've had to make a new account due to prying eyes - ironically enough!

**WildChild** · 09-30-2009, 08:27 AM

People do things for a variety of reasons and often can't explain them. How is the relationship between the two of you? Chances are that bringing this up will only make trouble. You were wrong to go snooping and you know that. Let go of this and make the time the two of you are together so good that other women aren't an issue.

FrankieFrank · 09-30-2009, 08:35 AM

i thought the relationship between the two of us was going well, which is why i feel so confused at the moment about why he would do this.. i'm terrified of being cheated on / misled and i can't help wondering if this is a warning signal??

**Karma3** · 09-30-2009, 09:46 AM

That, unfortunately is the problem with snooping. The minute you find something significant you ask yourself a million questions to justify what could be going on. The only person with the real answers is the person that you were snooping on, and even then, are you really going to get a true answer when you confront them? And the minute you confront them, you are now the bad person in the end, not them, even if they are guilty of something. So it ends up in a tangled web.
Has there been any indiction for lack of trust in him other than this one time?

09-30-2009, 08:18 AM	#1
FrankieFrank Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 4	going a bit crazy.. Okay, so i have this problem in that i’m quite a nosey person i guess, i like to know things. Its not a good character trait i know and i manage to keep it suppressed most of the time but every now and again it rears its ugly head.. as it did a couple of weeks ago when i was around at my boyfriend’s house using his computer, he was watching tv and i was just messing about online when i decided to check my myspace messages, so i typed in the url and then his page etc came up because he had accidentally left his logged in.... at which point i should have logged him straight out i know, but i didn’t, instead i let curiousity get the better of me and i had a bit of a snoop and read his messages.. and i wasn’t happy with what i found two things – the first was a message he’d sent to an ex gf basically saying he wanted to come visit and could he sleep on her sofa (as she lives other side of the country now).. the thing that got me, apart from the huge amount of “xxxxxxx” at the end, was that he said he thought she “looked really good” now ??? he doesn’t really give compliments like that to anyone so is he trying to flirt with her?? They only split up because she moved away.. and also that he’d sent it at a time and date when i know from working it out that he had been out with me and our friends on a night out and had come home drunk... so was he just thinking of her whilst he was out with me? They don’t have much, if any, contact, so why does he want to go see her now?? Secondly – he’s been on the site for a few years and only had a bunch of messages still in his inbox, all from the last month or so, so he’d obviously been through and deleted all the rest – except for two, one of which was just some random info he’d been sent and kept for organisational purposes and one which was an email from a female friend of his declaring her love for him in a wanting a relationship kind of way (and him back!).. it is from before when we got together, but its just got me thinking because they are still really close but whenever i get wary of their closeness he always reassures me that “its never been like that” between them and they’ve always just been really close mates, so now not only do i not believe him, but i don’t know why he has kept that one message? (the boring organisational message was older, so its not a case of him just forgetting to delete it) did he keep it because it means something to him? Does he like her? Why keep that message? Hes obviously read it recently? Does he re-read it and think about her? I’m going crazy wondering about these two things but the worst thing is that i can’t say anything about it because if i do he’ll know that i read his messages and then the trust in our relationship will be gone and we’ll be over anyway! I have no idea what to do??? p.s. i used to be on here under a different name, but i've had to make a new account due to prying eyes - ironically enough!

09-30-2009, 08:27 AM	#2
WildChild Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 6,233 Blog Entries: 5	People do things for a variety of reasons and often can't explain them. How is the relationship between the two of you? Chances are that bringing this up will only make trouble. You were wrong to go snooping and you know that. Let go of this and make the time the two of you are together so good that other women aren't an issue. __________________ We can only learn to love by loving. Iris Mudoch, British writer

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09-30-2009, 08:35 AM	#3
FrankieFrank Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 4	i thought the relationship between the two of us was going well, which is why i feel so confused at the moment about why he would do this.. i'm terrified of being cheated on / misled and i can't help wondering if this is a warning signal??

09-30-2009, 09:46 AM	#4
Karma3 VIP Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 62	That, unfortunately is the problem with snooping. The minute you find something significant you ask yourself a million questions to justify what could be going on. The only person with the real answers is the person that you were snooping on, and even then, are you really going to get a true answer when you confront them? And the minute you confront them, you are now the bad person in the end, not them, even if they are guilty of something. So it ends up in a tangled web. Has there been any indiction for lack of trust in him other than this one time?