thack

been a long while since I posted here, been really busy with allllll sorts of things, from work, to my son, to just life in general.

Somehow, someway, sometimes stuff creeps into my head, almost like feeling as if justice was not served in anyway shape or form...

for example : now that everything is finally finalized, she gets almost 800$ a month from my paycheck, I had to pay off her credit card, she quit her job and moved in with the guy she was cheating on me with, now drives a brand new BMW while still owning her jeep from our marriage, and she still believes her own hype about her thinking i cheated on her.

now, i still hold true to this day the fact that i didn't touch another woman in the 7 years we were together, and its just annoying to know what she's thinking or telling people that i know.

now, im struggling to live paycheck to paycheck, sold my truck, trying to sell my ATV, would like to sell my house, just everything to get this old off my back, my credit rating has dropped because I've been forced to pick and choose which of the debt "i was awarded" in the divorce to pay the month on. i don't understand how this is legal, how can a cheating woman get off scott free like this? i do my best not to interact with her whatsoever, i pick my son up every chance i get from daycare and drop him off there after my time with him has to come to an end. her old saying of "you can see your son whenever you want" only rings true when she has something she wants to do with her boyfriend, other than that, if i ask for him i cant get him easily. not even for my allotted time for Christmas, which is really pissing me off.

so for now, she's living the high life with the guy she was cheating on me with, and who knows if he knows what she was doing, i am sure she's got him all hyped up on how much of a neglectful husband i was and how much i cheated on her... blah blah blah... sounds like she's describing herself to me...

and me, I've got a good woman that I am seeing, but i almost feel numb at some times, the way she talks i am the best thing that's ever been a part of her life, her sisters and close friends all back it up, i don't feel like im doing anything above and beyond just being me, but i can tell she's feeling stronger feelings than I may be, I cant tell any more, I really enjoy spending time with this woman, and we get along great, her communication skills are so far advanced from what i was use to with the Ex and i enjoy it so much. I just feel "love" for her at times and just kinda normal another, not sure how to interpret it. I get along with her whole family and all of her friends, its really extremely easy to be with her, and this whole situation is what annoys me, the EX is all happy and blah blah whatever she wants me to believe, living in her lie, and i cant even wholly feel connected with someone (at least it seems like it)....

I put my son first and foremost every time possible, and he responds to me very well, every way possible that a father can hope for from a 2 year old little boy. I love spending time with him and on the horizon for me, I am getting stationed in Germany for 3 years, so i ~may~ be able to see him yearly, if all goes well. (I am both bummed and excited for this move)

so life seems to be challenging me head on right now, not sure which direction to go, or what exactly to do, i am just trying my best to stay afloat, and keep moving forward, even with all this extra stress and confusion, I can still completely agree that 2009 has been sooo much better because i am not guilty of things, sure i regret some things from the past, but nothing enough to keep me awake at night. all the things associated with her are just things that i have pondered about, and similarities to other guys i work with's divorces, its tooo common in my line of work to be gone for months at a time, getting shot at, blown up, and fighting constantly to make it home, to what? An unfaithful wife and a house that reeks of lies and deceit. perhaps I'm over dramatic, i don't know.

but its been refreshing that all the women i have encountered this year, have all pretty much said similar things that I am a good guy and they all professed a desire to be with me longer than just a night / weekend / ect...

who knows, I'm sure it will all work out. i just feel our divorce system is a little unfair at times, usually around payday when my checks gone after just paying bills and that's it.
i got 17grand laid on me, plus mortgage and a child support payment that's almost 20% of my paycheck, she walked away gaining that payment, and no debt.

~shrug~

__________________
"We easily see what is done to us,
Before we see what we are doing to our mate!"

CHANDLERS WISH

Yep, you'll marry a stunner, who's good in bed, she'll be a Doctor and, your ex will end up back on her own again

Life huh.

Good to see you again, so to speak.

CW

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It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told

Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!

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Little

Hey Thack,
I'm glad to see you back, though I am disappointed at your circumstances. It's too bad that the woman you knew and loved has let herself sink to this level.
What happened with the UCMJ laws against infidelity? You can prove hers, she can't prove her alleged "yours."
Germany will open new situations, people, and opportunities for you. Congratulations! I have heard that it is boring for the "straight crowd," ie, not interesting in drinking and strippers all the time, but I hope it will be fun for you.
My (ex) beau and I have long since split ... the deployment and his personality proved too much for me and I made my own "special" mistakes, but I found someone whose ideas of together time, personal space, and emotional sharing better matched mine ... all for the better! I hope you can find the same thing I did ... someone whose ideas of what a relationship means match yours.
I hope you check back with us more often And participate, share with us what's going on. I love to see a familiar face back in the crowd.

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OhThereYouAre

One word man:

Karma.

What goes around comes around.

Trust me....if she's done what you say she has.....$800/m is a small price to pay to keep her AWAY from you.

__________________
'If you think you can or you can't, you're probably right..."

"It is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit..."

"People who lack the sense to question Big Lies always end up in deep trouble..."

"I don't worry about pointing fingers in the past...i operate under the assumption that every saint has a past and every sinner has a future..."

"Build the life you want and then find someone to share it with, someone who fits where you are and where you are going..."

LanaBear

Wow - that is quite a tale.

Well, best of luck to you and hopefully, like OTYA said, Karma, what goes around comes around.

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Sometimes life isn't the party we hoped for, but since we're here, we might as well DANCE!

ThexMrs

I know that sorry does nothing for your situation but I am sorry that you are being put through this. As the others said, Karma. What goes around comes around. You will end up on top and you'll be happy with another woman. Give it time and don't try to force feelings. Work through this and when you're really ready, it'll happen.

Best of wishes.

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thack

yeah, i dont try and force any feelings, its funny, at times i look at the woman i am seeing right now and i feel very strongly for her, and then at other times, she is just a really good woman on my arm (not like she makes the strong feelings go away or anything, just happens) so i dont know if its my mind / heart trying to figure it all out or if its just something that i cannot grasp at all. I pushed her away for a good 5 months straight, keeping her very "at arms length" and she understood and just hung out, we were not exclusive and she knew that, so it was just kind of "hey lets just have fun and see where this goes"

as far as the Ex, I know karma is huge, I believe in it, I am just trying to figure out what did I do that warranted this heavy dose of karma to me, or if its just "being paid forward" sort of thing. she seems like she hit the lottery the way her life "appears" to be, but i dont ever let her get an idea that life is rough for me, lol, I can enjoy myself, i have a good base of friends (sadly most of them are deployed now lol, their turn) and lots of good hobbies, and I recently was initiated into the ancient freemasons, so i have a lot of solid structure in my life, good things have happened, its just the financial BS that I am dealing with right now, and trying to get time with my son. (he is afterall my main focus) and he responds very well to me, i just hate that he's living with a different guy... i feel robbed of my father time.

anyway, I am currently out working for my job in the middle of the california desert, just got a night off and I am now recovering from my first (over 21) trip to Vegas, it was a blast, lol, I spent about 10% of what all my friends normally say they spend when they go and I enjoyed myself quite thouroughly (except my body hates me now lol)

sorry i havent been on here in a while, lol, not really sure why i didnt log on, lifes been pretty busy as of late.

:P

__________________
"We easily see what is done to us,
Before we see what we are doing to our mate!"

WildChild

Congrats on your initiation, that is a big thing.
Karma isn't quite what most people may think. It's not a tit for tat across the board deal. Say you give big time in one place, it may not come directly back to you but may come one day to someone you care deeply for, such as your son or parents. Handled right this may facilitate your growth in ways you don't see right now or may never actually perceive. It may have far more to do with someone else's growth or with putting you in a certain place at a certain time.

The more I look, the more I see the ways we (meaning people) create much of our trouble. We may not cause the hurricane but keep rebuilding in the place that got destroyed by one, or getting sucked into the mob and marching behind the Hitler's of the world, despite what we know has been the result every other time. We may do so, well meaningly, making choices which at the time make sense to us, later with more experience or that famous hindsight, we can see that there were better options. Or we may be just caught in the events going on around us, caught in someone else's dramas. When people close to us start to pull themselves into the mire, it can be almost impossible not to get some of the muck on you.

Your ex's house of cards may stand for sometime, actually for your son's sake, you might hope it does. She sounds pretty unstable, as long as he is around her, anything that gives him more stability is to his benefit. Kids aren't stupid, they figure things out. Stay in his life as much as you can and stay positive in your love for him. As for your new lady, just keep in mind that she is her own person - don't make her pay for your ex. I've been in that position and it is so painful. In some ways it's worse than being cheated on - dealt with that too.

You had to deal with a lot of hurt while under extraordinary circumstances. It's no wonder you are still feeling a bit skittish. Give it time. It sounds like you are doing pretty well handling it.

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We can only learn to love by loving.

Iris Mudoch, British writer

thack

Thank you, initiation was fun, working on my degrees' now :P (sooo much study'ing)

I have been communicating with the current girlfriend since the day we met, I am not bad at communication I dont think, and she responds to it very well, she knows how to communicate back (sooo much better than the X), I do my best to not sit there and compare her with the X, all though it does happen from time to time, but usually its in a really positive way compared to the X. I do my best not to make her pay for what the X did, that is why we were just "casual" for about 5 months, and I think she understood. She has been through some of what I have, just on a sorta smaller scale, I was with my X for 7 years and everything grew and grew, she and her X were together for less than a year by the time he was out messing around, and he's doing it again with his current woman (some idiots never learn) while at the same time, trying to get the woman im seeing to see him again. (she hasnt hidden anything that i know of, doesnt feel like she is, she will show me these retarded text messages he sends and be like "WTF why would he send this and how do i get it across to him to stop" because telling him bluntly that they will never be together again hasnt worked)

but overall, the woman is very fun to be around, she is into just about everything I am into, and we do a lot together. She is really good with physical affection (which I really key in on) and on top of all the fun bubbly personality and good communication skills, she's hot :P cannot complain there, lol, not one bit..

I do care for the woman a great deal, I think im just a little skittish like you said, hard to be 100% again (sooner than expected for sure) I keep telling her and myself, "time will tell" on where we go, and what we do.

as for the Ex, her situation seems way too good to be true, and I realize that whatever little thing keeps her from totally going off the hook is good, my little boy is a wonderful little one, and I want him to be taken care of. I dont interact with the Ex, if i can avoid even seeing her, I do that all together when it comes to picking up or dropping off my son. she's just turned completely worthless in my opinion.

and i havent put her boyfriend in ICU so i guess thats good. lol....

anyhoo, guess i can stop rambling now :P

__________________
"We easily see what is done to us,
Before we see what we are doing to our mate!"

WildChild

Well you know the old saying, "Time wounds all heels"
As you've said before you don't know what she told this guy. He may have really been led down the primrose path.

__________________
We can only learn to love by loving.

Iris Mudoch, British writer