emotionally hurt

Hi all a little abt me i've been married for 19 yrs. He was my first bfand we have one son.Today after a arguement my husband told me tht he dont love and has no feelings for me. We have been havin problems where i did question his love for me but he alway denied it and said he loves me and 'if i didn't love you why am i with you then'. This has been the lingering issue in my mind the past year after he first mention it.Previously in a heated argument he said he has no feeling for me and later then we both cooled off he said he said it just to hurt me. How can you love someone and still want to hurt them. How came you life with someone if you don't love them then...I'm confused guess I'm naive. How do you release that you don't love someone! Help...
V

caterpillar79

You've been together for 19 years. It could be that you are in a rut. You became pre-occupied with everyday hassles and failed to have alone time together. At least, that's what I see. You were both in your volatile state and so, all you could say were hurtful - which could be what is really happening deep inside of him. Sometimes though, men say the stupidest things that drive the woman they love away and hurt. He said he just did it to hurt you? Then, he has some pent up emotions against you, that he has kept so long to make him say that hurtful thing.

I would suggest that you tell him how hurt you are at this time and you need some time on your own to shake it out of your system. and while you are apart (maybe a week, 3 days - up to you), he can also figure himself as to why he felt that way. Agree on how long you both will have this "me" time. set ground rules and parameters since you are married.

When you get back, try to meet in a non-threatening environment, maybe for coffee, or a walk in the park, and then reminisce the things that you love about each other. Talk about the positive things first before you dig deeper into what went wrong. Build on "the what made us fall in love with each other" things more for now. You guys have to rebuild your relationship. Marriage is life-long (as much as possible, keep it going).

The closest person to us is the one who is the most vulnerable to all the fiery darts we shoot.


He loves you, he was just clouded with his emotions at that time. He is stressed and didn't have the proper mind to suppress his negative behavior. Something was pent up and he did so for a long time so it seems. He is now releasing it, but not in a good way.

As I understand, it is just something couples normally experience. You fight, then make up - hopefully this is the case.

When the air is more friendly, you can sit him down and talk things through, and hopefully be able to deal with this productively. You are the woman, you can better handle the dynamics of your situation, as to whether to allow it to escalate or not. You have the wit to dampen and or to make it worse. You hold the key to his heart - you knew how he ticks you are the wife. Find that love trigger and shoot for that in the right time.

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