Why do we accept less than what we should

**OhThereYouAre** · 10-14-2009 09:49 AM

Why so little dialogue in this matter?

This is a great topic.

And it's very important.....I think if we could open up some more ideas and discuss, some could come to realize why they continue to accept people and situations they really shouldn't.

CW? Miya? Lanabizzle?

We've got some great minds here - this is a topic that should be explored more.

**GlitterAndStuds** · 10-14-2009 10:44 AM

I definitely think it's partially a comfort thing. I'm definitely one of those girls who doesn't like the "dating" stage. Also, I know a lot of women who just have that fear of being alone so they stick with something lackluster. When you break up with someone, you never know when you're going to meet the next one. A lot of women don't have the sense that being by yourself is okay, and they need to have a guy in their lives to "complete" it, and they'll never have to be alone. They think it's better to have that than nothing.

**Loveshoes** · 10-14-2009 11:40 AM

I think one of the most common reasons is that you exhaust all hope and trust that it will work out. We find that comfort zones are easy to deal with, even when we know that it isn't the best thing for us. Women are natural nuturers and therefore, we are always trying to "fix" the problem. Sometimes, it just can't be fixed. We know its time to go and that we should move on, but its hard to think we might have failed and maybe we can move on. But you can't force someone to give you 100% of themselves. Especially when they hold back and just can't let go. And unbeknownst to us, we don't give 100% until the other partner will give up that last little bit of himself/herself that they are holding on to. Sad but true...I think we would feel relief and comfort in moving on when its time, but we just can't seem to pull that last foot out of the path of the door.

**AloneNtheCrowd** · 10-14-2009 05:31 PM

Originally Posted by Loveshoes

I think one of the most common reasons is that you exhaust all hope and trust that it will work out.

I think you are one to something Loveshoes. Speaking from personal experience there is that sense of "I love this person, and I don't want to regret not having tried my best to make it work!" that when left unchecked can keep a person in a situation that's going downhill.

**WildChild** · 10-14-2009 06:54 PM

Yep, been there. Not wanting to walk away until there is simply No hope of saving it.

**AloneNtheCrowd** · 10-14-2009 07:38 PM

At what point does one draw the line between working through a rough patch and accepting less? Jut thinking here...

**OhThereYouAre** · 10-15-2009 08:07 AM

Originally Posted by AloneNtheCrowd

At what point does one draw the line between working through a rough patch and accepting less? Jut thinking here...

I'd say at the point of infidelity (emotional/physical) would be a good start.

I can deal with everything else except blatant lying....and cheating is a no brainer deal breaker.

**artist1633** · 10-16-2009 08:36 PM

Women and men go for what they can't have. Sometimes they chase a relationship that they know leads nowhere. It is true, in case of my friend, she wants to rescue men. Once it is too troubling, they abandon the project, the man.

That is frustrating for us guys who are the sweet ones, the guys women want as friends. We are tough as nails, but only represent the gentleman side to women. My experience is that my friends get their hearts broken because they go for the bad boy every time. To their chagrin they aren't happy with a sweet regular guy. Of course this doesn't apply to all cases...it does apply both to men and women.

**WildChild** · 10-16-2009 09:18 PM

Indeed it does, I've known several men who were always going for the wounded birds; the drug abuser, mental case, street walker, 3 kids- about to end up on the street. They couldn't seem to fall for a healthy woman. One had nursed his diabetic wife for years, was heartbroken when she died, went right out and married another seriously ill diabetic.

My theory is that somehow they don't think a normal healthy woman would stay with them so they look for someone who is weak and dependent, if she gets well, gets off the meds- whatever, they lose interest and find another wounded bird. Guess that's a sort of martyr thing.

**kms** · 10-18-2009 12:05 AM

I also think this is a good topic and would be interested in hearing others' perspectives.

I think everyone has good points - sometimes both men and women are drawn to a certain type of person because it fulfills some unconscious need, such as wanting to 'save' someone. I've been there before. It's frustrating and I've realized the hard way that the only person who can save someone is that person themselves. No one else can do it for them.

I've also been on the opposite end too - someone wanting to help me, to save me... I don't know where I would have been without him, but when I started getting stronger and able to stand on my own two feet, I began to wonder if there's anything positive about me at all, since I seem to never be able to improve enough to satisfactory standards. I think it is hard to save face when the other person knows where you've been and might not be able to fully appreciate the person you've become, perhaps? I know in my case, he still seems to see me as the person I was in the beginning, despite my drastic changes.

As for why women stay... yeah I think for me it's the fear that I would never find someone better, or even equally as good. Even if the situation I may currently be in isn't ideal, I may later wish for it all back when I'm alone and not finding anyone. At what point do we need to 'settle'? No relationship is perfect, and neither is any person. We all have faults and weaknesses. How much can we accept before we're 'settling', and how little should we compromise before we're 'unrealistic'?

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