Thread: Why do we accept less than what we should

It's a balancing act. None of us are perfect, we are all works in progress or should be. A person who is stagnant and not learning, growing and developing is not a person I would want to spend my life with.

I think the trick is (I've messed up plenty of times) to give it enough time to get past the infatuation phase without having your lives overly entangled, so you can really assess what you have. Keep that Meatloaf song in mind, too lazy to grab the CD but you know; Dashboard lights, do you love me, will you love me forever....I'll love to the end of time...Now I'm waiting for the end of time, cuz' if I ahve to spend another minute with you....

That's the classic, moved to commitment too fast thing. Giving it more time makes it harder to keep the deal breakers hidden and it allows an opportunity see more of how you handle adversity togehter and how you are each growing. I come from a long history of living outdoors. The "camping test" is a good one, unfortunately I've blown that a couple time, all the signs were there and I overlooked them entirely. Basically go camping, perferably under some adverse conditions, like iffy weather - how does he handle a tent that floods because he insisted you didn't need to trench it or tarp it? What is his reaction when he can't get a fire going and then you do it without a problem? Or conversely if you aren't a camper and he is, how patient is he? How well does he include you and show you how to do things? This also work well with working on cars, remodeling, yard work - how well do you work together. How well do you handle it when things don't go right? When things do go right? This can give you some big clues about how someone handles life and how your two styles really interact. If I had kept my eyes open with this stuff I'd have avoided some BIG mistakes. Someone who starts cussing, blames you for what they did and stomps off into the wilderness for several hours is probably not good relationship material.

If you manage to overlook the poor behavior in the first year, you may find it intollerable 6 months later when the infatuation has worn off. Having many years of learning from my mistakes, this is part of the conclusion I've come to.