Why do we accept less than what we should

**Ahryin** · 10-12-2009, 07:34 PM

I received a random text from one of my closest cousins this evening it reads

I hang around all strong women who know what they want sexually and out of life women who want to build a life with the men they are with. so why is it we all keep company of men who dont follow the same path? What are we doing wrong?

so i'm asking my friends here, i'm asking anyone who thinks they may have a good answer...in hopes of helping her and myself..possibly

**WildChild** · 10-12-2009, 08:17 PM

Wish I had a good answer.
I've done it over and over. Maybe because we give our hearts too readily? We grew up in households where the examples we saw and lived didn't include valuing what we want and need? We've looked around what we have is the best we saw, even though it's not very good? Guess I've done all of those, with the first on the list being part of where I am - sort of. At this point, I've become more reserved about how I feel about him. I can't love or give fully until he is willing to open up more to his own feelings.

**Ahryin** · 10-12-2009, 08:48 PM

My answer though i'm not sure how true it is (other than for me) is that we don't go into anything half heartedly with anything else we do in life. I was taught to fight and not give up. I was taught to stand strong when things got hard. I was not raised in a two parent home, so at times I think it makes things harder. Since I don't have that visual on how things are supposed to be. However I was raised by a very strong man...who taught me to see the possibilities in everything. To see what others do not see and build on it. In other areas in my life it has caused great success and is a wonderful asset.

So here is the thing...
I believe that we fall in love with the representative...
That we are so swept away by the best assets that are first shown (because they are trying to impress..every body does it..except me I am what i am..lol) so when the times come and we see the real person we think...where did he go, where did the person I fell in love with go, wanting and wishing they would return..we decide to be patient and wait it out, stay strong...WRONG MOVE!!! We don't give up in any other way..so how are we to know when we should actually give up

**AloneNtheCrowd** · 10-12-2009, 10:04 PM

That's so true, it happens to us guys too. It's a tough situation that so many of us face...

It only seems to work when you find someone who gives there all as well...

**WildChild** · 10-12-2009, 10:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ahryin

I believe that we fall in love with the representative...
That we are so swept away by the best assets that are first shown (because they are trying to impress..every body does it..except me I am what i am..lol) so when the times come and we see the real person we think...where did he go, where did the person I fell in love with go, wanting and wishing they would return..we decide to be patient and wait it out, stay strong...WRONG MOVE!!! We don't give up in any other way..so how are we to know when we should actually give up

You just may have it here. Not giving it enough time to see what you are really getting and letting it go on too long when it isn't what it appeared at first.

Alone, I think you are right too. In fact when I met the LOML we talked about what could be if each worked at pleasing the other and kept that as a guide.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-12-2009, 10:29 PM

As typical animals, we go for "Chemistry first" in general terms and get swept away with the lust.

Never, realising that if we reverse this, and actually "get to know the inner person first", that we would actually have Chemistry when we meet eye to eye because we have grown fond of the person and know them quite intimately.

Then the Chemistry will act with passion and as such love can blossom properly.

CW

**Tex** · 10-12-2009, 11:11 PM

Too often we worry that the person interested in us is the best we could do. Then we think it is better to be with that person and have someone than to be on the lookout for someone more compatible and risk being alone.

For example, if you were given $50,000 and then had to choose between either keeping that money or giving it up for the possibility of getting $100,000 down the road (though we might also just get $50,000 again, or $25,000, or nothing at all), how many would go for the first option? I think most people would settle for the $50,000. After all it's better than nothing at all.

**OhThereYouAre** · 10-13-2009, 07:19 AM

My take on this....it may or may not apply to all women....but this is from what i've seen...I've dated quite a few women who would put up with stuff that I just couldn't believe. Even if you are trying to give them the hint to move on, they'd keep coming back.

Neediness - by far the most common. For some reason, a lot of the women I've dated always believed that they needed a man in their life. Even if that man treated them badly. It would appear that they'd have some type of void in their life that they felt was filled by a man.

Laziness - They knew that I wasn't the one. They were just too involved and didn't want to put the effort into finding someone else. I hear everywhere - women don't seem to like dating. I hear it from friends, I hear it here on the forums. They don't want to blaze new trails, so they stick with what is familiar.

Motherly Instinct - a lot of women have a tendency to make decisions based on what they feel in their hearts. Not what they know is right. They would rationalize that they can "fix" their guy, or the problems in the relationship. Most of the time this isn't true.

Spite - some liked to keep arm candy so they could flash to their friends. Sad but true.

Just what i've seen in my experience. Not trying to make this into an anthropology debate.

**OGFL** · 10-13-2009, 08:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OhThereYouAre

My take on this....it may or may not apply to all women....but this is from what i've seen...I've dated quite a few women who would put up with stuff that I just couldn't believe. Even if you are trying to give them the hint to move on, they'd keep coming back.

Neediness - by far the most common. For some reason, a lot of the women I've dated always believed that they needed a man in their life. Even if that man treated them badly. It would appear that they'd have some type of void in their life that they felt was filled by a man.

Laziness - They knew that I wasn't the one. They were just too involved and didn't want to put the effort into finding someone else. I hear everywhere - women don't seem to like dating. I hear it from friends, I hear it here on the forums. They don't want to blaze new trails, so they stick with what is familiar.

Motherly Instinct - a lot of women have a tendency to make decisions based on what they feel in their hearts. Not what they know is right. They would rationalize that they can "fix" their guy, or the problems in the relationship. Most of the time this isn't true.

Spite - some liked to keep arm candy so they could flash to their friends. Sad but true.

Just what i've seen in my experience. Not trying to make this into an anthropology debate.

took the words right out of my mouth

**Ahryin** · 10-13-2009, 08:55 AM

I know a lot of women who suffer from the mother syndrome! I hate that disease..love it for my girls hate it for men! My one friend feels as if she must take on projects....she is miserable

10-12-2009, 07:34 PM	#1
Ahryin Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: NY Posts: 662 Blog Entries: 4	Why do we accept less than what we should I received a random text from one of my closest cousins this evening it reads I hang around all strong women who know what they want sexually and out of life women who want to build a life with the men they are with. so why is it we all keep company of men who dont follow the same path? What are we doing wrong? so i'm asking my friends here, i'm asking anyone who thinks they may have a good answer...in hopes of helping her and myself..possibly __________________ Everything I'm not makes me Everything I am

10-12-2009, 08:17 PM	#2
WildChild Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 6,223 Blog Entries: 5	Wish I had a good answer. I've done it over and over. Maybe because we give our hearts too readily? We grew up in households where the examples we saw and lived didn't include valuing what we want and need? We've looked around what we have is the best we saw, even though it's not very good? Guess I've done all of those, with the first on the list being part of where I am - sort of. At this point, I've become more reserved about how I feel about him. I can't love or give fully until he is willing to open up more to his own feelings. __________________ We can only learn to love by loving. Iris Mudoch, British writer

10-12-2009, 08:48 PM	#3
Ahryin Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: NY Posts: 662 Blog Entries: 4	My answer though i'm not sure how true it is (other than for me) is that we don't go into anything half heartedly with anything else we do in life. I was taught to fight and not give up. I was taught to stand strong when things got hard. I was not raised in a two parent home, so at times I think it makes things harder. Since I don't have that visual on how things are supposed to be. However I was raised by a very strong man...who taught me to see the possibilities in everything. To see what others do not see and build on it. In other areas in my life it has caused great success and is a wonderful asset. So here is the thing... I believe that we fall in love with the representative... That we are so swept away by the best assets that are first shown (because they are trying to impress..every body does it..except me I am what i am..lol) so when the times come and we see the real person we think...where did he go, where did the person I fell in love with go, wanting and wishing they would return..we decide to be patient and wait it out, stay strong...WRONG MOVE!!! We don't give up in any other way..so how are we to know when we should actually give up __________________ Everything I'm not makes me Everything I am

10-12-2009, 10:29 PM	#6
CHANDLERS WISH WH Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 9,910 Blog Entries: 7	As typical animals, we go for "Chemistry first" in general terms and get swept away with the lust. Never, realising that if we reverse this, and actually "get to know the inner person first", that we would actually have Chemistry when we meet eye to eye because we have grown fond of the person and know them quite intimately. Then the Chemistry will act with passion and as such love can blossom properly. CW __________________ Do we not realise that in order to find a soul It doesn't happen over night if truth were to be told Like everything in life that's hard to achieve you must believe! Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

10-13-2009, 07:19 AM	#8
OhThereYouAre Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Cincinnati Posts: 1,302	My take on this....it may or may not apply to all women....but this is from what i've seen...I've dated quite a few women who would put up with stuff that I just couldn't believe. Even if you are trying to give them the hint to move on, they'd keep coming back. Neediness - by far the most common. For some reason, a lot of the women I've dated always believed that they needed a man in their life. Even if that man treated them badly. It would appear that they'd have some type of void in their life that they felt was filled by a man. Laziness - They knew that I wasn't the one. They were just too involved and didn't want to put the effort into finding someone else. I hear everywhere - women don't seem to like dating. I hear it from friends, I hear it here on the forums. They don't want to blaze new trails, so they stick with what is familiar. Motherly Instinct - a lot of women have a tendency to make decisions based on what they feel in their hearts. Not what they know is right. They would rationalize that they can "fix" their guy, or the problems in the relationship. Most of the time this isn't true. Spite - some liked to keep arm candy so they could flash to their friends. Sad but true. Just what i've seen in my experience. Not trying to make this into an anthropology debate. __________________ 'If you think you can or you can't, you're probably right..." "It is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit..." "People who lack the sense to question Big Lies always end up in deep trouble..." "I don't worry about pointing fingers in the past...i operate under the assumption that every saint has a past and every sinner has a future..." "Build the life you want and then find someone to share it with, someone who fits where you are and where you are going..."

10-12-2009, 10:04 PM	#4
AloneNtheCrowd VIP Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: South Carolina Posts: 64	That's so true, it happens to us guys too. It's a tough situation that so many of us face... It only seems to work when you find someone who gives there all as well...

10-12-2009, 11:11 PM	#7
Tex Gold Contributor 500+ Posts $Tex's Avatar$ Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 1,104	Too often we worry that the person interested in us is the best we could do. Then we think it is better to be with that person and have someone than to be on the lookout for someone more compatible and risk being alone. For example, if you were given $50,000 and then had to choose between either keeping that money or giving it up for the possibility of getting $100,000 down the road (though we might also just get $50,000 again, or $25,000, or nothing at all), how many would go for the first option? I think most people would settle for the $50,000. After all it's better than nothing at all.

10-13-2009, 08:55 AM	#10
Ahryin Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: NY Posts: 662 Blog Entries: 4	I know a lot of women who suffer from the mother syndrome! I hate that disease..love it for my girls hate it for men! My one friend feels as if she must take on projects....she is miserable __________________ Everything I'm not makes me Everything I am

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