Irishvelvet

I am new to this posting stuff and I just really need some advice.
First off, I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years now. We met in College and we live 5 hours away from each other. My boyfriend has this great job where he is from and all his family lives in the same town. I have been trying to find a job where he lives; which has sprung up the talk about moving in together or getting engaged. Well, his family always liked me until just recently when I said that I might be moving down here. I felt like his family all of a sudden did a 180, and didn't want me to move down there. I just felt this change in feelings towards me from his family. I may be looking to deep into it, and don't get me wrong his family is very sweet and nice, loving people, I just don't understand why the change in feelings.
I don't want him to propose to me just to make his family happy. I want him to propose to me because he loves me and he wants to be with me.

It's a big deal in his family and in mine that we be married first before we live together. I know times have changed and I know that my family would support me no matter what. But it really upsets me and hurts my feelings when all of a sudden I feel like his family doesn't want me around and I don't know how they feel about it now, but I feel that they look at me like I'm trying to change their son, or force him into marriage which is so not the case. They have acted so different towards me when I was last down there, and I even tried talking to my boyfriend about it all. He just laughs it off and thinks that it's not an issue, and that it doesn't matter what they think. But it does matter to me, and recently my boyfriend told me that him and his boss were talking about me and getting a job, and his boss could get me a job somewhere further away from my boyfriend. And now my boyfriend is acting very distant. I also don't want to attack his family so it makes it a little hard to talk to him about it, and I just don't know what to do anymore. I just feel like all of a sudden everything is changing and I feel like an outcast. I guess I could always get an apartment down there, but that seems pointless and it just feels like it would be to make his family happy. Because isn't it also about his and my happiness as well? I just really need some advice and I would appreciate any comments.

OhThereYouAre

You need to take a step back and focus on what's going on with your B/F.

If he is being distant, that isn't a good sign.

Figure out what is going on with you two before you decide to make a move.

Otherwise - you may find yourself alone in a strange town.

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CHANDLERS WISH

I think the family want to know that if such a move occured, it occured out of love and that being from "both sides", not an entrapment of sorts and perhaps they are more concerned than anything else.

He has stated clearly it's his life, not what they think.

But then you feel he's been distant after a suggestion of you working but further away from him and so you are questioning his feelings/thoughts.

Truth? Only he knows. Either he loves you but is not ready to live with you yet or marry, or he doesn't care about that and wants to in which case he needs to open up more and let you know.

Perhaps the only job his boss could find was one that was further away and this is not what he wants and now can't see how it can all work.

Communication is the biggest key to a relationship without it ,you really don't have a successful one.

So as OTYA said, you need to both sit down and actually "plan" this together and discuss it like Adults and not get hurt over the answers if they aren't your way...

Sounds like your confused now over his thoughts and righly so if you don't talk about it properly.

CW

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dolphinlefty

Had to make a decision like this earlier in the year. His Mom and her gf hated me (yes, lesbians) and I didn't know if he himself wanted me down here. He didn't want to tell me yes then have me move here and hate it. I spent like a month with a massive headache trying to figure out whether I should move or not. And even after I did, I still had a few issues with my boyfriend, but because we were closer, it was easier to work through them. I don't regret my move. I agree with everyone else. Talk to him about it. Try to make things work even if they aren't exactly what you want. There were a lot of things I wanted with this move that I didn't get, but I got different things in turn. It'll work out.