How can I be so into someone else

TammyW · 10-19-2009, 09:20 PM

I have been with my husband 12 years. We have 2 kids. We get along great, have a lot in common and love each other alot.

3 years ago at work we got a new supervisior in the office. He is married also.

The first time we seen each other, we were both attracted to each other. We were flirting all the time and spending every minute we could together.
We both worked our days off just to see each other more.

We had lunch together when we could. We talked about everything from where were from, to the things we like to do, and even about both wanting to leave our marraiges some day.
We never touched at all, we never kissed, nothing ever happened.
We talked about it though, wishing we could be together.
This went on for a year and he got moved to another office.
I thought about him every day and every night that year and even the next year after he left.
I havent told my husband.
Isnt this cheating. And more importantly what does it mean? How can I be so into someone else and yet still say I love my husband?

**ThexMrs** · 10-19-2009, 10:55 PM

If I were your husband I would be extremely hurt. If you aren't happy in your marriage anymore (though you've provided no reason not to be) then you need to leave. The longer you put it off the more hurt he is going to be, not to mention your children. You need to think of them.

I understand that people fall out of love yet still love each other in a different way. You love him because he is the father of your children and you were once in love with him. That love will never go away.

So far you haven't physically cheated on him which is great and I applaud you for that though if the opportunity arose, who's to say you wouldn't have. That's dangerous territory. You are cheating though... Emotionally. That's actually more hurtful then the act of a one night stand.

Some people have amazing connections that turn into more. Some people just have amazing connections that turn into a friendship. I'm not sure what it means for you, to you. I think that only you can answer that.

You really need to think this through, it's been going on for years.

**geedee** · 10-19-2009, 10:57 PM

Well some would say its emotional cheating and I'm sure they are right. Although for some people I just think its natural to be attracted to other people. I know exactly how you feel. I've been talking to 2 old boyfriends on FB. It feels nice to know there is someone else out there taking an interest in you. At times I really felt it did my current relationship such a service because I was carrying myself so much better becuase of how happy I was getting that attention.

IDK...... I don't think you should tell your husband. I think that would just complicate things. He would never be able to understand and it would prolly only end up hurting him. Thats of course just my opinion though

(((HUGS))) I really like this subject cause I can relate to it so well!

**WildChild** · 10-19-2009, 11:23 PM

You love your husband, you had a fantasy, you didn't act on it. Leave it behind and work on sparking a real fire at home.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-19-2009, 11:28 PM

Your not the same as you were when you married 12 years ago.. Your love is more, love than that deep desire, "in-love", "chemistry", "bond"...

This guy automatically triggered your "chemistry" side of your brain, instant attraction and probably took you back to the dating age where all that lust and excitement occured.

What's missing? "All that lust and excitement"...

But you can bring it all back again together, if you want to.

It's normal to go through teenager phases again, at your age, my age even, actually definately my age

So, there's nothing wrong with starting to change the "old habit" patterns you've gotten yourselves into and add some more excitement and dates into your lives together as husband and wife...

Tell him your going through that mid-life fun crisis and ask him what colour he prefers your g-strings to be... watch him come home early after that comment

**AlleyWay** · 10-21-2009, 10:41 PM

Do you say you love your husband or do you love your husband there is a BIG difference? It is very common to see someone you may feel attracted to and even have a lot in common with. That's why it is so vital to a relationship to keep that spark lit at all times. If you feel that you may want to leave your marriage one day your talking to the wrong man about it. Is your husband a good husband? Sometimes we think the grass is greener but the cows poop over there too.

**ThexMrs** · 10-21-2009, 11:50 PM

Quote:

Sometimes we think the grass is greener but the cows poop over there too.

Yep, Kel really nailed it on the head. (The other post) It's true.

10-19-2009, 09:20 PM	#1
TammyW Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Dallas, Tx Posts: 1	How can I be so into someone else I have been with my husband 12 years. We have 2 kids. We get along great, have a lot in common and love each other alot. 3 years ago at work we got a new supervisior in the office. He is married also. The first time we seen each other, we were both attracted to each other. We were flirting all the time and spending every minute we could together. We both worked our days off just to see each other more. We had lunch together when we could. We talked about everything from where were from, to the things we like to do, and even about both wanting to leave our marraiges some day. We never touched at all, we never kissed, nothing ever happened. We talked about it though, wishing we could be together. This went on for a year and he got moved to another office. I thought about him every day and every night that year and even the next year after he left. I havent told my husband. Isnt this cheating. And more importantly what does it mean? How can I be so into someone else and yet still say I love my husband?

10-19-2009, 10:55 PM	#2
ThexMrs Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Oregon. Posts: 2,732 Blog Entries: 13	If I were your husband I would be extremely hurt. If you aren't happy in your marriage anymore (though you've provided no reason not to be) then you need to leave. The longer you put it off the more hurt he is going to be, not to mention your children. You need to think of them. I understand that people fall out of love yet still love each other in a different way. You love him because he is the father of your children and you were once in love with him. That love will never go away. So far you haven't physically cheated on him which is great and I applaud you for that though if the opportunity arose, who's to say you wouldn't have. That's dangerous territory. You are cheating though... Emotionally. That's actually more hurtful then the act of a one night stand. Some people have amazing connections that turn into more. Some people just have amazing connections that turn into a friendship. I'm not sure what it means for you, to you. I think that only you can answer that. You really need to think this through, it's been going on for years. __________________ "I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart, I am never without it, anywhere I go, you go, my dear, And whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling."

10-19-2009, 11:23 PM	#4
WildChild Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 6,230 Blog Entries: 5	You love your husband, you had a fantasy, you didn't act on it. Leave it behind and work on sparking a real fire at home. __________________ We can only learn to love by loving. Iris Mudoch, British writer

10-19-2009, 11:28 PM	#5
CHANDLERS WISH WH Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 9,927 Blog Entries: 7	Your not the same as you were when you married 12 years ago.. Your love is more, love than that deep desire, "in-love", "chemistry", "bond"... This guy automatically triggered your "chemistry" side of your brain, instant attraction and probably took you back to the dating age where all that lust and excitement occured. What's missing? "All that lust and excitement"... But you can bring it all back again together, if you want to. It's normal to go through teenager phases again, at your age, my age even, actually definately my age So, there's nothing wrong with starting to change the "old habit" patterns you've gotten yourselves into and add some more excitement and dates into your lives together as husband and wife... Tell him your going through that mid-life fun crisis and ask him what colour he prefers your g-strings to be... watch him come home early after that comment __________________ Do we not realise that in order to find a soul It doesn't happen over night if truth were to be told Like everything in life that's hard to achieve you must believe! Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

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10-19-2009, 10:57 PM	#3
geedee VIP Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 58	Well some would say its emotional cheating and I'm sure they are right. Although for some people I just think its natural to be attracted to other people. I know exactly how you feel. I've been talking to 2 old boyfriends on FB. It feels nice to know there is someone else out there taking an interest in you. At times I really felt it did my current relationship such a service because I was carrying myself so much better becuase of how happy I was getting that attention. IDK...... I don't think you should tell your husband. I think that would just complicate things. He would never be able to understand and it would prolly only end up hurting him. Thats of course just my opinion though (((HUGS))) I really like this subject cause I can relate to it so well!

10-21-2009, 10:41 PM	#6
AlleyWay VIP Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 50	Do you say you love your husband or do you love your husband there is a BIG difference? It is very common to see someone you may feel attracted to and even have a lot in common with. That's why it is so vital to a relationship to keep that spark lit at all times. If you feel that you may want to leave your marriage one day your talking to the wrong man about it. Is your husband a good husband? Sometimes we think the grass is greener but the cows poop over there too.