Thread: affair with a married man...the process of healing

I was involved with a married man 7 mths ago, who is also my relative. I am ‘lucky’ enough to say that the complicated relationship just last for 6 mths. I don’t want to go through all the details again. what i want to say is…it started and happen so nice and happy and we didnt even know that we attracted to each other …then things go wrong when we each other more and more. so the rest of the story i am sure you all know.

he is married and have 3 kids. we are same age. honestly, i haven’t really felt that bad before in any of my relationship. when i said bad means after all the romance and when you get back to yourself and asked yourself what u r doing and wether its worth it or not. getting involve with a married man is worse than getting into any other single guy beacuse too many people involved. so my ad vise is that don’t even start it. I regret of what i did and it makes me feel so cheap and low self esteem.

I am now trying to take the rollercoaster mood…it come up and down everyday. I try to calm myself and when the pain comes then i take it and try to tell myself its gonna be ok very soon. then i feel better but when the bad mood comes back then here i am again keep telling myself the same thing. so its hard but only me myself can help the situation and move on. Its so hard that i have to go thru this alone.

I don’t even want to hate him for what he did cos there is no point. I just hope that i can leave him alone and he can do the same to do….cos i have a better life in front of me even its hard to walk there. but there is no shortcut. so what i do everyday is to online look at articles…cooking and do what make me feel good but i still not in the mood of seeing more people.

I just deleted all his contacts from phone and sms and email from my list. He is a coward. let me tell you something, men can say whatever they want to say just to make themselves feel good and feel young. they love the attention…at 1st u wont be able to see it so clearly cos u used ur heart to think and not ur head. so when its about time u will start to use ur head to think…and u will know that actually he is not that into you.

I think i deserve it when the bad mood comes ‘attack’ me. so i will take it sometimes i can’t even cry. sometimes when i wake up in the middle of the night, i still remember what happened and the guilt and how stupid i was. but there is something i didnt do which is to let his wife know about it. i even telling him not to join me when im traveling cos this is just no good and not fair for the wife and then i started to think is this fair for the wife that her husband is telling me how much he miss me and how much he loves me and i actually feel good. not fair right? i hate myself for that.

now after so many mths we dont keep contact i can see things clearly and start to know that whatever emotions bad or guilt or regret or pain i will have to take it and let my heart pains and let me go thru this. I wanted to blame him who make the move 1st and trying hard to be with me but i am the one who let myself fall in the trap so who to blame? can’t blame anyone i can only blame myself so the emotion kicks just take it and slowly hopefully i will be able to have better self esteem.

I stop doing what i like few mths ago..i will take my time and heal my heart cos i believe eventually i will pull through and everything will be fine for me.

I know a lot of people we all need attention and love but its not a healthy relationship so better just stop it as soon as you can. the more you cling into it the more you suffer. and don’t ever call the wife or revenge cos u urself also be responsible of what you are doing and the best way is to accept and let go.

Just don;t forget if you are involve with a married man maybe it takes 3 to 5 yrs for you to wait and finally he tells you that he cant leave the wife and kids while he has to say goodbye(he wont say now and will promise u will take care of u)to you. then u try to look for some guys who used to call you or interested in you but they all got married and not available. A lot of women who stay for the married men ended up like that trust me!!! time is too precious to waste women!!!

I was too naive but i would like to see him again one day when i have my own family. i don’t hate him..what i can say is…things are complicated and the timing is not right. I don;t miss him that much now cos he let me down which is good also. but there is no need to hate.

I am moving on and so far so good. my little home with my bf (next year will be husband) is here and we r going to start own home in 4 months. I sometimes will goto furniture store and buy this and that. i think we should appreciate what we have now and be in a healthy relationship…be the one and only one for your man and not the second cos u r gonna regret.

sweet things are not hard to say from a man’s mouth. but actions speak louder than words.

delete what he sent you and buy for you. oh it reminds me of throwing away the Valentines card he sent me this year and then that was the last thing from him. also the house i am staying now he came to this house before so i will not stay there after 3 mths. see i am doing what i should be doing.

i hope you all can get out of this kind of relationship as soon as you can. don;t waste your time. a man who truly love you will not come to you when he is still attached to another woman cos he wont hurt you…he wont like to see you cry or suffer. if he is the man he will show u his love by his actions. if he cant and still want to cling with u that means he is too selfish.

maybe i should ask some questions here but i am too lazy to do so. i just want to post something and talk to people. thank you!