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However, you won't find anyone better as long as you are stuck on this immature bozo.
He's full of c**p. Just the fact that he has to tell you that makes him insecure.
Let's see..some 17 year old boy that uses you for rebound sex, has mommy and daddy pay the child support, and then tells you that's as good as it gets? Trust me, you can do WAY better than this guy!
Plenty of other men out there. I'm sure one day you'll find one that not only treats you well and respects you but can also love your daughter as if she were his own. Never settle for less than you deserve.
However, you won't find anyone better as long as you are stuck on this immature bozo.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
It's only because you haven't met anyone else, to compare him to. You just pine away and sit back and wait for Gavin, knowing he's with someone else but you figure, he keeps coming back to you as well, so one day...
It doesn't work that way sweet. He was your first love you were 15, and you've not fallen in love again with anyone because you won't allow it ..
Let yourself start dating, get out more with your friends and start to learn who you are.
Off course you will find someone better than him, he states that because he wants you to himself, you, Ashley and the other girl and all girls, he likes the control of having you all, none of you leave, you all stay and he's laughing isn't he really imagine, seeing him look at himself in the mirror going "I'm the man" I can have them all eating out of my hands, yuck huh?
Be a ..... yourself.... Don't fool around with a fool who is lapping up all the using of all of you.
As soon as you meet another boy who treats you well and you start to like him and then fall in love with him, seriously your going to say OMG, why did I keep that going for so long with that Loser.. He's my child's dad and that's it.
Start to focus on your life, not him... xx
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
This Gavin. He is not a good guy. He is a user, an optortunist and will not ever behave any differently than he does right now. He will cheat, he will break your heart, he will lie, he will do whatever makes him happy at the moment and doesn't worry about consequences, not for you, not for ashley not for anyone.
I think you know all that. Knowing all of it does not make it any easier to let go. He's going to be in your life always because of your kid. So while some people can break up and push someone out of their head and heal... you are constantly going to be seeing him, being reminded of the good feelings he's capable of giving you and it makes it easier to give in.
Only you can decide how much you are going to take of this. Eventually, you will become tired of crying, tired of worrying, tired of being treated this way. Eventually you will see that the small amount of things he does to make you feel loved and special in no way balance out the numerous things he does to make you feel worthless, unloved, and unspecial as can be, that make you cry, make you stay up nights and worry, make your stomach hurt... etc.
You deserve to be happy. You deserve to wake up and know that you are not mistreating yourself (being with this guy, falling for his lies that you KNOW are lies... IS mistreating yourself). Right now you are in a limbo that most women can understand. When we love, we love, oh we do. We can put up with almost anything not to lose it. But it sounds like you are coming around... just posting here and venting shows that you DO recognize how unhealthy this is for you.
You need to stand up for yourself. When he comes over for sex... don't give it to him. When he tells you to lie for him, do not do it. Right now he has NO reason to respect you. He knows he can sleep with you, tell you to lie for him, he can use you whenever he wants... he doesn't even have to feel bad about it because he knows you know thats what hes doing and you are allowing him to.
What motiviation does he have to behave any differently? I see none. Ashley takes him back when you sleep with him. You sleep with him even when you know he's with ashley. He can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants. While you can't control what ashley does, you cant control what he does... you CAN control what you do and decide you wont be a party to his sick and twisted ego-feeding games anymore.
Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.
Wow... I'm going to be really blunt. You're nothing but a piece of a$$ to him. He doesn't love you. He manipulates you and you let him because your self worth and self esteem are so low. Why? You are a young mother and it's time to grow up. This game of, "We're going to fool around and then I'm going to tell on you so you'll come back to me" is about as immature as it gets. What are you teaching your child? Besides, what if he knocks you up again? That would be just great, huh? I'm sorry this seems rude but you need a wake up call.
"All the beats and melodies keep realities at bay but what happens when the records done and starts to fade away? Alone within myself again, I try to veil away my pain. The dirty grey surrounding me 'round..... And now I hear no sound."
XMrs. took the words right out of my mouth. I'm going to put it simply, that you need to STOP. I know how much easier said than done that is, I've been sucked into an ex's charms before, but once you stop letting that happen, it really does get easier with time.
You guys are 17 or 18, so you're still young enough to really be convinced that he's the love of your life and you won't find better. That is so untrue. As it's already been said, you have your whole life to meet someone who is actually worth your time and won't jerk you around the way Gavin has been. He's using you as his security blanket, his safe harbor. He knows that when the going gets tough, you're always going to be there, bell in hand.
They always say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results. He is not going to stop this if you let him keep doing it. He's probably not going to have a sudden epiphany and cut all ties with Ashley over this. If he really wanted to, he would have a long time ago.
I'm sorry to be so forward with this, but having been in a similar situation myself, I know that more often than not you will get nowhere with this. You need to find the willpower to say no to him, and just keep that civil relationship as the father of your child, and that's it. This is really going to wear on you more and more if it continues.
I've got to be direct
If I'm off please correct
You're standing on my neck....
You know, I'm not sure that anyone else brought this up. But think about how this will start affecting your child as well? Are you sure you want to be influenced by this young guy who treats you like ? Sure, your kid is only a toddler, but eventually he will become old enough to know that something is going on, that daddy treats mommy like a cheap toy - maybe he'll start wondering if that's how all relationships should be?
You need to get good councel to get over this infatuation you have with this horrible person who you allow to treat you so terribly. You also need to make sure that your child has a good role model in his life. If you decide that his only father figure is going to be this douche, then he will need someone else to look up to so he knows that your relationship with his father is not normal and should not be acceptable.
There is more than just you and Gavin and his many other conquests in this equation... think about how your actions are going to influence your child as he grows up and begins developing his understanding of relationships.
Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
oops..,. sorry I just reread your post and see it is a daughter that you have. but the idea is the same whether you are raising a boy or girl. Do you want your daughter growing up, seeing your example, and thinking it is okay to be treated like you have been? She needs to know that it is not okay. And you need to learn that it is not ok. Please find a professional who will help you sort out your feelings so that you and your daughter can have a better life!
Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
i have to agree with everyone else, you are his booty call girl. is that what you want?
I'm definitely glad I posted this into a forum.
You have all given me advice that I've wanted to hear for a long time. It's the things that I have known, but I refused to accept them because I hadn't heard them from anyone else.
For those of you who've given me advice, thank you.
I know what I have to do. I'm going to try dating other people, but it's so hard now; because every time I see a guy I'm interested in I subconsciously alert myself. I start remembering all the stuff I've been through with Gavin, and I get worried that all guys are going to be like that. I can't bring myself to be with someone because I'm so afraid of being hurt again. I don't think I would be able to take that kind of treatment again. I definitely need a very large boost to my self esteem so I can get back out in the game.
Are there any ways I can feel better about myself that don't involve possibly being hurt more?
"Wish that I could be strong enough to see that it's over. I wish I never met you. You were supposed to be coming back to me; where are you now?"
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