x.st.angel.x

I was just wondering if anyone could give me any tips and or suggestions when it comes to moving in with your boyfriend? Im new to this but he's not, im just wondering what i should expect finanically and what should we discuss and get in the open beforehand?

Thanks
Saint

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Little

Discuss EVERYTHING financial. Unless you have fallen into the windfall bucket o' happy, you will not be with a person whose finances merge seamlessly with yours.
Discuss personal space too. It's hard to find a balance unless you're both 100% of the time together people.

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Kallygirlie

I just experienced your same situation 7 months ago. it was new to me and not so much for him. not to mention, his previous live in gf's failed miserably. First thing him and I did was discussed finances. We decided together that it was more fair and resonable to direct deposit a percentage of our pay check into a joint account. we decided against splitting the bills 50/50 because he makes about double my income and I have more individual bills. So we figured up that 40% of our paycheck would cover the household bills with money to spare to for groceries or to save. whats left of our paychecks is our individual money. the only thing that gets spent out of the joint account are bills or things that are discussed before purchasing. The big issue we had is his spending. He spends like crazy. Yes its his money, his life but in the long run, that would effect me and our future family. So without controlling his money, I simply ask him on each week what bills he needs to pay, he'll pay them and thats that. Over time he's found himself on top of his bills and its one more thing he appreciates about me. He loves the stress free life of not worrying about things getting turned off.

The other major pointer is NEVER take your SO for granted. Its sooooooooooooooooooooooo easy to do honestly. My bf and I still go on dates to prevent this from happening.

People scare others out of moving in with there SO. They tell you how relationships fail, the sex stops and all that stuff. Honestly my man and i have gone against the odds and become even stronger. Dont let yourself think that its gonna be like movies. It wont be perfect. Before my man I and moved in together, we had never argued. Now we argue maybe a couple times a month but we've learned how to work through it. Understand that he will need his space and alone time as will you. It's ok to want to be alone. It makes the time you have together more special. My man and I worked opposite schedules. On work days, we'd see each other no more than an hr a day but on days off, we made our time special. dont let the romance fall out either. He'll still wake me up in the AM to a dozen roses. and I've been known to leave flowers at the top of the stairs before I leave for work so he comes home to them.

big secret is take everything that you love about your relationship right now and keep it. dont get comfortable and let things fizzle. and exciting relationship are the ones that survive. Heck my bf and I spent about 2 hrs in bed this morning tickling each other. its completely random but is what keeps up laughing

neither of you can go in demanding anything. everything has to be agreed on 50/50. I'm sure you will have just as smooth of a transition as I did.

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Krystal

x.st.angel.x

Thank you little and kally! As mentioned i think the biggest thing would be the finances so i just have to make sure that a plan can be arranged somehow through that, Thank you for your input! you've got me thinking

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rcoreyus

Finances are important. Also important is to realize that you will have different habits: neatness, bed time, TV watching, food preferences etc. Don't stress over the little stuff.

x.st.angel.x

Has anyone come across any other major issues other than finances?

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GlitterAndStuds

The only thing other than finances that other people have worried about (it hasn't been an issue with me and my boyfriend, who I live with) is the amount of time spent together. It's easy to get nervous that they'll get sick of you and vice versa. A huge thing to keep in mind is that you don't need to do everything together just because you live together. Dividing time sounds like an important factor.

As Kally said, be sure that you don't fall too quickly into that "comfy" rut where you don't do anything fun because you see each other every day. I'll say that we don't go on "dates" as often, but that's because we need to control what we spend, and his job isn't too stellar on that. But we still make it a point to spend quality time together, not talking about bills or rent or work, etc. Just being together is enough. But we also know that we don't need to do everything together. For example, I have a bunch of shows on DVD that he could care less about. And plenty of movies that he doesn't like....and DEFINITELY vice versa, haha. But if I'm watching something, he'll do something else, like read or do computer work, whatever.

It's really all about compromise and dividing time, as well as ENJOYING that time. If that makes sense.

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KMonte85

Of course finances need to be hashed out ahead of time... as for other things - make sure you have household responsibilities agreed on too! I moved in w/ my boyfriend 5 months ago, who was kind of your typical bachelor slob on his own, which I have to admit I already knew. When we moved in together, he miraculously did not see the sink heaping full of dirty dishes, or the dirty litter box, or the garbage that needed to be taken out, or the grass that needed cutting, or the laundry that needed to be washed.... I digress.

Unless you love doing all household chores all by yourself, or if you are blessed with a SO who is a neat and tidy guy, make sure you agree that you will not be the sole keeper of domestic responsibilities. My situation ended up in my blowing my lid at my boyfriend who was completely oblivious to the extra work I was doing and how pissed I was getting after cleaning his cat's litter box for the 15th time in a row. If we had discussed these things when we first moved in together, there wouldn't have been an issue at all. My bf and I are good now that we are on the same page with this stuff, but it took discussing who will do what and when before that problem was gone.

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CHANDLERS WISH

Chores haha.

Here's the thing in my opinion being a little older than you lot.

Sure, women assume the role of "wife" when they move in with a man and unfortunately also often "Mother".

At some point because they are "NOT" the wife, they can resent this a little if they are the ones doing everything in the household.

But more importantly, the romance can go out the door, the friendship, fun, excitement, bedroom, because it becomes, work/chores/work/chores - add in finance, and it all becomes overwhelming.

Ensure that you both cook, help each other without rosters or carp and keep the relationship as it was, before you moved in together, as a relationship, fun and happy and doing things together, whilst also being independent.

CW

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x.st.angel.x

Thank you everyone! i'l be sure to take everything said above into consideration

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