When is enough, enough?

**ThexMrs** · 10-30-2009, 09:10 PM

I've been in a relationship with Jared for about 8 months now. From the beginning work was always his priority though he came around 4 times a week and often days in a row. We were just getting to know each other so there really weren't any expectations such as dates. Well, we decided that we should be an official couple. Around the same time he started a new job that takes his all over the state. I rarely ever see him. We have gone up to 6 weeks at a time without seeing each other. I've told him that this isn't okay seeing as how we live 15 minutes away from each other.

Throughout this whole period we've never gone on a single date. Not one. We've only hung out at my place and now it's become about sex. He comes over every now and then and we have sex, he sleeps then gets up in the morning and leaves. I feel like I have exhausted the talk with him about what I want and deserve. He continues to tell me he loves me and wants to make it work but... It just hasn't.

So almost three weeks ago I broke up with him. I stood my ground and wouldn't take him back everytime he asked me to. He finally came over last weekend and we were supposed to talk but as usual we just wound up in bed with nothing resolved. I can't blame him entirely because I can say no, I just haven't.

Btw... The only thing he's ever bought me is Plan B.

My question is, when is enough, enough? How long am I supposed to wait for him to take me on a date? To make time for me? To see me?

**Tex** · 10-30-2009, 09:32 PM

Linds, read kygirl's latest thread.

http://www.womens-health.com/boards/...ould-i-go.html

I don't think you should have to wait at all. A person that truly cares about you and wants to see you will make time to be with you.

Don't think about what COULD BE but think about what IS. Ask yourself if what IS is what you deserve. Ask yourself if you are happy with that or if you deserve more.

**ThexMrs** · 10-30-2009, 09:41 PM

I did read that but I felt like it was different in the sense that he's not going through anything troubling. He's just living his life. Plus, we've been together longer and have different factors going into this.

I will have to think about your questions because (referring to Ahryin's thread on "Why we do accept less than what we should?") I do kind of feel like I only deserve this. My take is kind of like... Accept what you have because you're lucky SOMEONE wants to be with you.

**Tex** · 10-30-2009, 09:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThexMrs

Accept what you have because you're lucky SOMEONE wants to be with you.

Why would you need to be lucky to have someone interested in you? You're attractive, intelligent, and strong.

If you have all that and still need to be lucky then there is absolutely no hope for a whole lot of people that don't have all that to offer.

**ThexMrs** · 10-30-2009, 09:53 PM

Lol... Thanks Tex but umm... That's just the way I feel. I don't find myself that attractive. I'm not ugly but I don't think I'm hot or sexy. I'm just... Average. I pretend that I have a lot of self confidence but truth me told, it's completely shot. I have none and that alone makes me unattractive. No man likes a girl who isn't confident except the slime balls that want to get a girl like that so they can control her.

I guess a huge part of why I lack self esteem is because men always want to have sex with me and not a relationship. It makes me feel like there is something wrong with me.

**Tex** · 10-30-2009, 10:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThexMrs

I guess a huge part of why I lack self esteem is because men always want to have sex with me and not a relationship. It makes me feel like there is something wrong with me.

Sex is generally less emotionally involved for men than it is for women. So a lot of guys that are emotionally immature are just fine having sex but they can't handle what is required of a relationship. On top of that your mature especially for your age and you seem to be able to see through BS very easily. I'm sure that intimidates some guys.

I reckon the only thing that you might be doing wrong is that you're maybe hoping the frogs you're kissing will turn into princes some day. But that's just part of being a romantic.

**sourpuss** · 10-30-2009, 10:25 PM

If you're asking the question, then you've already waited long enough.
Doesn't sound like he's motivated to make it work. If you were my friend, I'd tell you to move on, he doesn't sound worth it at all. You tried and someday you'll find someone who appreciates the effort and puts in just as much effort in return.

My buddy always says "There are so many good books in the world that there is no way you could read every one of them, even if you tried. So don't spend a single second reading a bad book."

**dr.mansview** · 10-30-2009, 10:35 PM

Quote:

My question is, when is enough, enough? How long am I supposed to wait for him to take me on a date? To make time for me? To see me?

i'd say at the rate you are going you are not yet half way there

**Haven** · 10-31-2009, 12:01 AM

Quote:

I guess a huge part of why I lack self esteem is because men always want to have sex with me and not a relationship. It makes me feel like there is something wrong with me.

Will the "relationship" you have with this guy help you with your self-esteem issues? I've read some of your posts, and it seems like what's motivating you is a desire to be desired.

My advice is to flirt with strangers. Make dates. Make new friends. Find people who like you for your personality. Other people don't see you the way you see yourself. Once a few people start treating you like you're valuable, you'll develop a more positive self-image.

If you can feel like you're wanted in a healthy situation, you'll be less susceptible to being lured into unhealthy situations by men with unhealthy desires.

**ThexMrs** · 10-31-2009, 02:23 AM

Quote:

Sex is generally less emotionally involved for men than it is for women. So a lot of guys that are emotionally immature are just fine having sex but they can't handle what is required of a relationship. On top of that your mature especially for your age and you seem to be able to see through BS very easily. I'm sure that intimidates some guys.

I reckon the only thing that you might be doing wrong is that you're maybe hoping the frogs you're kissing will turn into princes some day. But that's just part of being a romantic.

I suppose that is true... Jared is emotionally retarded. I hate to say that because it's mean but it's also very true. He offered that we not have sex anymore. I was okay with that at first but then one night we got into an argument and he said, "Are you suggesting that I go elsewhere for it?" That's always stuck with me.

Tonight I brought that up while we were talking about this thread. (Not the thread itself but the content) Tonight his response was, "I do love you and I would never disgrace our relationship by getting it elsewhere." It just makes me think he is playing games.

I am more mature but I have gone through a lot at a young age. I grew up in a violent home. Actually, I'm not going to get into that. Let's stay focused.

Yeah... I do kiss a lot of frogs in hopes for a prince. They never come though. I am a hopeless romantic and I know that. I can't help it. I'm actually surprised that I am. You wouldn't think I would be.

Quote:

My buddy always says "There are so many good books in the world that there is no way you could read every one of them, even if you tried. So don't spend a single second reading a bad book."

That's really good advice except I'm the kind of person to give a "bad book" a chance. How many pages in do I have to get before I put it down?

Quote:

i'd say at the rate you are going you are not yet half way there

Why?

Quote:

Will the "relationship" you have with this guy help you with your self-esteem issues? I've read some of your posts, and it seems like what's motivating you is a desire to be desired.

I don't know... I honestly can't say because even though I'm not sure that he loves me, I wonder if he does in his own messed up way/version. He says he does and I want to believe him but I guess only having sex and nothing more does make me feel bad. So, maybe not.

Thanks...

10-30-2009, 09:10 PM	#1
ThexMrs Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Oregon. Posts: 2,726 Blog Entries: 13	When is enough, enough? I've been in a relationship with Jared for about 8 months now. From the beginning work was always his priority though he came around 4 times a week and often days in a row. We were just getting to know each other so there really weren't any expectations such as dates. Well, we decided that we should be an official couple. Around the same time he started a new job that takes his all over the state. I rarely ever see him. We have gone up to 6 weeks at a time without seeing each other. I've told him that this isn't okay seeing as how we live 15 minutes away from each other. Throughout this whole period we've never gone on a single date. Not one. We've only hung out at my place and now it's become about sex. He comes over every now and then and we have sex, he sleeps then gets up in the morning and leaves. I feel like I have exhausted the talk with him about what I want and deserve. He continues to tell me he loves me and wants to make it work but... It just hasn't. So almost three weeks ago I broke up with him. I stood my ground and wouldn't take him back everytime he asked me to. He finally came over last weekend and we were supposed to talk but as usual we just wound up in bed with nothing resolved. I can't blame him entirely because I can say no, I just haven't. Btw... The only thing he's ever bought me is Plan B. My question is, when is enough, enough? How long am I supposed to wait for him to take me on a date? To make time for me? To see me? __________________ "I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart, I am never without it, anywhere I go, you go, my dear, And whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling."

10-30-2009, 09:41 PM	#3
ThexMrs Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Oregon. Posts: 2,726 Blog Entries: 13	I did read that but I felt like it was different in the sense that he's not going through anything troubling. He's just living his life. Plus, we've been together longer and have different factors going into this. I will have to think about your questions because (referring to Ahryin's thread on "Why we do accept less than what we should?") I do kind of feel like I only deserve this. My take is kind of like... Accept what you have because you're lucky SOMEONE wants to be with you. __________________ "I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart, I am never without it, anywhere I go, you go, my dear, And whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling."

10-30-2009, 09:53 PM	#5
ThexMrs Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Oregon. Posts: 2,726 Blog Entries: 13	Lol... Thanks Tex but umm... That's just the way I feel. I don't find myself that attractive. I'm not ugly but I don't think I'm hot or sexy. I'm just... Average. I pretend that I have a lot of self confidence but truth me told, it's completely shot. I have none and that alone makes me unattractive. No man likes a girl who isn't confident except the slime balls that want to get a girl like that so they can control her. I guess a huge part of why I lack self esteem is because men always want to have sex with me and not a relationship. It makes me feel like there is something wrong with me. __________________ "I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart, I am never without it, anywhere I go, you go, my dear, And whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling."

10-30-2009, 10:25 PM	#7
sourpuss WH Moderator Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Montana Posts: 1,367	If you're asking the question, then you've already waited long enough. Doesn't sound like he's motivated to make it work. If you were my friend, I'd tell you to move on, he doesn't sound worth it at all. You tried and someday you'll find someone who appreciates the effort and puts in just as much effort in return. My buddy always says "There are so many good books in the world that there is no way you could read every one of them, even if you tried. So don't spend a single second reading a bad book." __________________ Hard work beats talent, when talent doesn't work hard. Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

10-30-2009, 09:32 PM	#2
Tex Gold Contributor 500+ Posts $Tex's Avatar$ Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 1,097	Linds, read kygirl's latest thread. http://www.womens-health.com/boards/...ould-i-go.html I don't think you should have to wait at all. A person that truly cares about you and wants to see you will make time to be with you. Don't think about what COULD BE but think about what IS. Ask yourself if what IS is what you deserve. Ask yourself if you are happy with that or if you deserve more.