Just need a place to talk

**SomiticPit** · 11-08-2009 09:51 PM

So, my ex-boyfriend is in the county jail. He was charged with possession of a CDS with intent to distribute, and now he is looking at a ten year prison sentence. He will have a delayed sentencing where they might only keep him in the prison for up to two years and then let him off on parole for eight more years. I'm praying to God that he will find a pathway in his heart to change his ways, so he doesn't waste away anymore of his life behind those walls.

I dated him when I was only seventeen, and we didn't date for long, only about eight months. We had become best friends during those eight months and since we have broke up, there has always been a place for him in my heart. We have a special bond that will never be broken. I went to see him today for the first time, and it was very hard. It's really hard to see someone you love put themselves in a position like that. During the time he was messing around with that stuff, I had been working and building a foundation for myself. We didn't talk for about two years. I regret the lack of friendship during that time. I feel if I had been there, maybe I could've helped somehow. Maybe if he had had a friend who actually cared with him during that time in his life, which was a real time of need for him, maybe he would've went down a different path. Maybe he wouldn't have been hanging out with the people he had been hanging out with. I know I am no miracle worker, but it just really makes me sad beyond belief that there could've been something I could've done. I am not blaming myself for anything, but it's just heartbreaking. I read his letter that he sent me and it almost brings back all these feelings I once had for him, not the lustful feelings, but the deep sincere emotions that you only have for those who you have a love for. It's crazy how you can have an emotional tie with someone and it be so strong, that no matter how many years you go without them, the tie is still as strong as it was the last time you've seen them.

And I love him. Pray for me will you that his heart desires a better life for himself. And that he's truly sorry for what he's done. And that he doesn't get ten years in prison. He is love, and he has love for others. He just got lost there for a minute.

**asiangrace** · 11-10-2009 03:55 PM

Originally Posted by SomiticPit

So, my ex-boyfriend is in the county jail. He was charged with possession of a CDS with intent to distribute, and now he is looking at a ten year prison sentence. He will have a delayed sentencing where they might only keep him in the prison for up to two years and then let him off on parole for eight more years. I'm praying to God that he will find a pathway in his heart to change his ways, so he doesn't waste away anymore of his life behind those walls.

I dated him when I was only seventeen, and we didn't date for long, only about eight months. We had become best friends during those eight months and since we have broke up, there has always been a place for him in my heart. We have a special bond that will never be broken. I went to see him today for the first time, and it was very hard. It's really hard to see someone you love put themselves in a position like that. During the time he was messing around with that stuff, I had been working and building a foundation for myself. We didn't talk for about two years. I regret the lack of friendship during that time. I feel if I had been there, maybe I could've helped somehow. Maybe if he had had a friend who actually cared with him during that time in his life, which was a real time of need for him, maybe he would've went down a different path. Maybe he wouldn't have been hanging out with the people he had been hanging out with. I know I am no miracle worker, but it just really makes me sad beyond belief that there could've been something I could've done. I am not blaming myself for anything, but it's just heartbreaking. I read his letter that he sent me and it almost brings back all these feelings I once had for him, not the lustful feelings, but the deep sincere emotions that you only have for those who you have a love for. It's crazy how you can have an emotional tie with someone and it be so strong, that no matter how many years you go without them, the tie is still as strong as it was the last time you've seen them.

And I love him. Pray for me will you that his heart desires a better life for himself. And that he's truly sorry for what he's done. And that he doesn't get ten years in prison. He is love, and he has love for others. He just got lost there for a minute.

He is really fortunate to have a friend like you who cares and loves him so much. I hope that he sees he's made bad choices and turns himself around. I will pray that he doesn't get much time in jail. Everybody messes up and makes mistakes. I hope things work out for you two. I understand that love that you have. I truly do.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-10-2009 04:04 PM

Sweet, our paths cross in life. But, nothing you could have done would have ceased what happened. You are one person and you are not his "mind"..

Be there as a friend, but don't let your emotions get in the way of "what was".. As, that is what it "was"....

Take care of you as well, as your a spiritual little being, full of love and hope.. It's this that can help everyone in life but ultimately it will always be their decision of what to accept and what not to and therefore, the creators of their own destiny.

CW

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-26-2009 06:21 AM

And I love him. Pray for me will you that his heart desires a better life for himself. And that he's truly sorry for what he's done. And that he doesn't get ten years in prison. He is love, and he has love for others. He just got lost there for a minute.

I know of quite a few here that would pray for those wishes for you, or say vent more

So, seeing as this thread got lost somewhere, I'm bringing it back up....

CW

**SomiticPit** · 02-05-2011 10:45 AM

I wanted to post an update on this thread. I was reading through my older threads, ran across this one, and am very sad to know the outcome now a year and three months later. This ex of mine, a very deeply cared for ex, was let out of prison a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving. We had our chance to see one another, connected again like old times, but I chose my current boyfriend over him. I received many missed phone calls in December form an unknown number. When I finally answered, it was him, calling from a county jail.

He had ended up back in prison. Although I have my boyfriend who I care so much for now, I was very much heartboken over the circumstances this ex put me in. I couldn't contain my anger towards him being locked up again. I was so upset, I just wanted him to have done better. I had faith that he could do it. But he didn't. And again, I had that feeling, like maybe I had let him down in some way (by choosing my current boyfriend over him, I could easily see how he could have been very upset, as he was very much falling for me again)

I told him that I didn't want to hear from him again. I was harsh. I was maybe a little too harsh. I said, if he couldn't have the strength to stand on his own two feet, to make smarter decisions, to just do right since he knows whats wrong, then I didn't want to hear from him again. I told him never to call me again until he can straighten his life up. He had only been out of prison for a little less than three weeks, and there he was again.

So, yes, that is the current situation. I will always be upset about it. I do care about him so much, always have, always will. But I can't continue to be his support. For ten months I waited on him to get out. I wrote him letters, I sent him money, I put ridiculous amounts of money on the phone so he could call me to talk. I was there for him when he got out (although, I did choose to be with my current boyfriend, I was still there as his friend).

You can't help someone until they want to help themselves. I still care, but I have to move forward with my life and care from a distance. Bless his heart, and I hope he finds his light soon.

**BabyGirl** · 02-05-2011 11:13 AM

I know we are not allowed to put any Links up here..

But if it's allowed, I will tell you to Goo Or Chrome or Whatever a Help for Prison Family site, it's under the word Prison Talk. It is Families that Love people that are Incarcerated for Whatever " Crime" they are in for.

There are Links to help, links to how, links so you do Not spend your last dime on their Christmas packages but to save for his/ her packages.

Places to build Good Relationships for when they come out or if you need help to Put them in .
It's time to Support our " Bad Boys " Be Mothers and Sisters and Friends.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-05-2011 02:35 PM

SomiticPic,

You know I've been reading your other thread and I'm very happy that you've finally found what you were looking for...I know there was a stange of confusion there for you, which direction to go in but you obviously have been very clear about your path in life and what you want so good for you...

I have to admit, I didn't reply because I didn't know whether the person you chose was in-fact this guy, in prison

And, I had hoped that it wasn't and alas, it's not..

I say that because I remember answering those threads and how torn you were...I just felt you could find real love if you let him go from your heart..

We can love people you know, and bond, but not be in-love as in relationship wise which you have found.

It's difficult once someone has chosen a wrong path to get back onto the right one...They need much more than just a "person" there for them, to change, believe and succeed...You could never have done that alone so don't beat yourself up, your not the reason he's back in there.

You have a heart of gold, such a giving soul..

Spend your energy on this man of yours. People come into our lives for a reason, we help to the best degree that we can, but then it's up to them, if they choose to listen, you've helped a lost soul, if they choose to continue on their path, then cut them loose leave them in your heart, as you've done because your job is done, there is nothing more you can do and now the energy is negative, and for you, you need positive energy now to re-charge..

It's natural that your feeling this way but I hope you re-read the above paragraph and realise that you did your bit in life for this person, and now it's time to focus on happiness and you.

**SomiticPit** · 02-06-2011 12:40 AM

BabyGirl, thanks for the support concerning my much cared for ex and "bad boy". It's very hard for a lot of people to accept that these prison men are humans too. They are somebody's son, somebody's father, somebody's brother. There are many prisoners who do have families that care, and sometimes when I post about the men in my life who do happen to be in prison (My ex, Nate, who is mentioned above, and also, my current boyfriend, Erik, who is five weeks from getting out of his work-release center) I feel like I have to constantly try to prove to others that deep down they do have good hearts, and they do have dreams and goals. People ask me, "Why do you set your standards so low?"

Well, first off, in an effort to try to get anyone who asks this question to maybe understand a little, I don't. I don't feel like because I am dating a man who is in prison that I am setting my standards low. Nate, first off, was an ex-boyfriend of mine way before he ever landed in prison. Just because he is in prison doesn't mean that he is dirt to be walked on, and that I am somehow above him now. In fact, when I was in my adolescent days, I pulled the very same move that put him in prison! I was messing around with drugs, buying ingredients to make bad things, I just never got caught. And I thank my lucky stars that I somehow found a focus and moved on to the right path and am now free of drugs and dangerous things.

So really, what is the difference between him and I? Nothing. We all have made incredibly stupid choices and make bad decisions at some point in our lives. I did my best to be supportive, but never once did I let him slow me down. I didn't give anything up to be with him or expect him to somehow get out and start taking care of me and everything would be perfect. I never had that mindset. I know better than that. No man is going to save me. I'm not that kind of woman. I can take care of myself and when I find Mr. Right, we are going to make a good team.

So to answer the question, is: I don't set my standards low. These men do have good in their hearts and that good may be hard for most to see, but sometimes you just have to take a closer look. If you give someone a chance, you never know what they can accomplish.

And yes, to make it all very clear to EVERYONE: I am dating a man who is still in prison! Don't get me wrong, he doesn't wear an orange jumpsuit and sit in a cell all day. He is at a work-release center which is like a last step to becoming a free man. I get to spend time with him everyday, at my home. He gets out in five weeks and we are both very excited. But don't think for one second I have set my standards low. This man is AMAZING! You may think I am being blind, because our relationship is still very new, and I might be a little over excited about him, I will admit, but I have faith that he is going to be one of the best things that ever happens to me. I have never been in a relationship so HEALTHY, so BALANCED. There is never any pushing or shoving from either, we get along great.

My point is, I want people to quit looking down on those who are paying for their mistakes. At least they are paying for them. There are many a free person walking around who do illegal things everyday and you never know. People lie, cheat, and steal. And the majority of those people aren't locked up, they are people we share our lives with everyday. The only difference is, those sitting in prison have gotten caught, and are paying for their shortcomings. But that does not make them any worse of a person.

And CW, I never expected that I would see two prisoners back to back like this. It's not like I chose them because they were in prison, that's just how the cards played out. I didn't settle for Nate, but I did choose Erik. When I met Erik, I had no idea he was still in prison, because I didn't meet him in prison. I don't know why I cross these men. I like to think it's because my heart believes the good in these men, but my mind is strong enough to know there's nothing I can do to change them. I just have to believe in them. And if you can ride out the hard times with them, they turn out to be the most loyal people you will ever know, because not many people can stick it out and just simply, be there. They truly appreciate that and give back for that.

I was very torn, very confused. Between my ex, Jake (the neighbor) Steven aka Elijah this past summer (who chose his ex over me), Nate (ex in prison) and Erik (my current bf) I had a difficult and rough past two years. Confusion, anger, jealousy, sadness, lonliness, but now love...it's been crazy. But things are starting to wind down, the edges are becoming clear, I am starting to be happy again.

I can't wait to post how things are going to go over the course of the next few weeks.

**BabyGirl** · 02-07-2011 11:11 AM

Somitic

You are welcome. Not many people are willing to realize and accept that our " Bad Boys" aren't all Bad. I have 2 Bad Boy Brothers that have been in and out of Jail or Prison since they were teens. one is now 51 the other 49. Luckily none of their Offenses are Physical Harm to others. Well except for the oldest has no problem fighting with a Cop, so as to have all the other Charges dropped.

Mostly Drugs, Auto Theft from their Drug Dealers, Bad checks. etc. things to support their Drug habits. SAD !!

One the youngest I believe has Finally learned and has Found his " God " and now is helping others in Jail and Prisons. He runs the AA/ NA classes at our Local County Jail and one of our Prisons. He is Not in Custody.
The Other, Sigh. We actually have a Family tradition on Betting how long he will last Out of Jail or Prison. it's a $10 bet (pool) and whoever is closest doesn't have to pay , the others do and that money is put on his books.

The thing here is both have been arrested for Stealing Food for people that are homeless. One Brother actually had a woman with a baby, ask him for a couple of dollars so she could get Baby Formula. He did not know her, she was just bumming money. and she had the baby with her.
He went in the store bought his smokes and came out the door with 3 cans of Infamile for her baby. He didn't pay for the formula and was caught on camera, followed out and detained until the cops got there. Of course he went to jail. He did manage to get her 1 can in her hand before they tackled him.

Of course the lady took off .He then admitted to stealing 2 cans of Formula, not the 3 he actually took. Yes he stole, but his Heart was in the Right place. i'm not saying that he did wasn't wrong, i'm saying he didn't steal for himself, but for a child.

I know others who will just commit a theft or in public or kick a cop car, just to be arrested so they don't have to sleep out in the woods or vacant lot or underpasses during cold weather. They are not Heartless Criminals, they don't kill people or rape them, They just don't want to die out in the cold.
Jail to them is housing, food and medical.

So you loving you man, is just understanding he made a mistake, you are supporting him , the Good Him and giving him a chance at a better life. That goes for your Ex (s).

You are not Lowering yourself, you are putting yourself in a higher position than most people. The Position of Caring, and Loving these " Bad Boys". And knowing they have Good in them.

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