Im trying to find a place to fit in

**serineandfree** · 11-12-2009 05:31 PM

I am a recoving drug addict, i know that those few words will scare most of you away. I am ok with that. i have been in recovery for 4 years and six months. Very proud of that fact. i had lost my children to my parents due to my drug addiction and once i got clean i have a good relationship with the girl (i have twins one boy and one girl) They are 16. Anyway my daughter and i a great relationship even though they live in Texas and i live in Ca. so long story short, i could use some others who have been or are in a similar situation. Thank you fore letting me share.

**LanaBear** · 11-12-2009 06:13 PM

Welcome to the forums...

I'll be the first to congratulate you on your recovery.

The beauty about us here is that we may or may not have a lot in common, but we all pretty much get along. So, you may or may not find someone here who has been in a similar situation, but you will always find someone here to support you, give you advice and just be that person to listen when you need to vent.

Hop in, have fun, get to know us and we'll do the same.

For what it is worth, I have a family full of alcoholics and some drug addicts. Some recovering, some not, although I'm not one of them, I've got plenty experience with it.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-12-2009 06:21 PM

Second Lana's comments AND welcome to the Forum.

It's great that you are getting on well with your daughter and I am sure, as they both mature, so they will be even closer, both of them.

Congratulations.. It's always great to hear success in life, life is never easy and we all go down wrong paths, it's just the way things are.

Keep being successful and keep smiling.

CW

**OhThereYouAre** · 11-13-2009 07:24 AM

Congratulations to you.

Perhaps some on the forum struggling with similar issues would be curious to know how you turned the situation around.

I certainly would be.

They say most have to hit "rock bottom" before they'll make changes.

Is that true?

**serineandfree** · 11-13-2009 10:24 AM

Well i can only speak from my experience, but yes i had to hit rock bottom. some bottoms are different and not so rock bottom. I had to lose my kids or rather let my parents take them so i would not continue to drag them with me. I never considered myself a drug addict, just lost jobs, family, cars, my children and respect for myself. I just thought that is who i was and who i was going to be. I ended up getting arrested for the first time at 35 and started attending 12 step meetings which have saved my life. my life is so much better, free from active addiction and i now have a purpose. I am still however filled with guilt over the children.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 11-13-2009 11:03 AM

Your story is so touching and I'm sure many silent readers out there can relate in some way. Getting your story out there, and showing other people that there is hope will help to eventually lessen your guilt.

I like how to acknowledged "active addiction". Because once you're addicted, you're always addicted.....but the strong ones like yourself learn to control the addiction rather than letting it control them.

What is your relationship with your children like now? Do you see them? Are you a part of their lives? Its important they know your love for them, and your guilt over not being the parent you could've been. But it's also important they know that you cannot change the past, but will do everything in your power to ensure a much better future.

Congratulations on your recovery.....I know it is a lifelong process....and I know it's an incredibly difficult, yet rewarding experience.

**Amalthea** · 11-13-2009 11:33 AM

I am a recovering drug addict as well. I still sometime question my decision to break up with the person who got me off drugs, but I guess the attitude I'm adopting now is I have to move on with my life. I will always be grateful to him, but in the end we are all responsible for ourselves. It didn't make it ok to stay in an abusive relationship with him.

I don't have kids and I am sometimes grateful for that, that my decisions don't affect other people's lives but I also wish I had a family. Its sometimed hard to stay motivated when it doesn't matter to anyone but yourself.

Its fortunate that your kids are with you family and you can still have a relationship. One of my bestest friends was raised by her grandparents because her mother was too sick to take care of her (schizophrenic.) When she was 1 year old her mom left her with the neighbors and stuff, but this girl turned out to be one of the greatest people I know. She's intelligent, independant, extremely motivated and hardworking and over the years she's opened several businesses of her own. I can't imagine your kids being in a better place when their mother isn't able to take care of them.

At the same time, what a blessing that you are still able to have a relationship with them. I knew a girl that had ALL 7 of her children taken away and placed in foster care because of her crack addiction. She didn't get clean until after the kids were put in foster care. That was her rock bottom. That was the motivation she needed.

Anyway, I wish you the best of luck in your recovery and people like you inspire me in mine. Perhaps we could help eachother keep on track. PM me if you ever want.

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