should i stay or should i go?

**LOVE_RAYNE** · 11-14-2009 07:44 AM

Ok well i have been with my bf for 2.5 years we have had our bumps but we have been working on them. For the last year i have been supporting him finacially and it has taken a toll on me i have had my hair fall out my anxiety came back full force and i have gained 30pounds. He has been looking for jobs has had a couple but they either down size cuz of the economy or its due to it being a temp job. So now its the end of the year and our lease for our apartment is up december 31st and i have no clue and i mean no clue what to do. Money is super tight. I know i can afford to live on my own but i can not afford to have him live with me. I have never lived on my own i have always had roommates since i moved out of my moms house at 17yrs old. Im starting to think its time for me to have time to myself and really live an independent life. I know by telling him this he is gonna think i wanna break up but i dont but he will not let go of that once i tell him how i feel. I still love him deeply i just need to do for me now because im always doing things for others. So im hoping he will understand.

**WildChild** · 11-14-2009 08:05 AM

I am quite an advocate of both women and men spending a few years living on their own before they move in with an SO. Having a roommate can qualify but women especially need to really know that they can support and take care of themselves. It sounds like the situation or relationship or both are taking a heavy toll on you. That alone is reason enough to make changes.

What would he be doing, where would he be, if you weren't supporting him? You've done so for a year, that's a lot to give. You aren't married, I'm assuming you have no children? You don't say how old you are. It's time to sit down and have a talk.This must be hard on him too. There is a feeling about this that he may take it as a, "you don't love me"? You can't do much about that, you are neither his wife or mother. But he may surprise you and be very understanding. Giving a written 30 day notice is pretty standard, so you do need to deal with this soon.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-14-2009 03:25 PM

I think your denying something, yourself.

Two jobs, in two and a half years, one temp and the other layed off, really spells a tad lazy don't you think? I do appreciate the economy but I also know in my life, when things were tough, I'd even walk the streets, door knocking for charity, which paid me back then $300 a week for 20hrs of walking just to survive.. What ever it took.

You can't be happy in this type of relationship, anxiety, stress, resulting in weight gain, your mosing on in life, "hoping" things will change but the stress level has reached a point where if you don't do something you'll explode.

He should have made the move. He should have said "hun" this is not what I want, not what you need, I know your struggling financially, I'm moving back home but we will still be together, I'm going to start studying, I've seen the main jobs obtained are "x" and so I am going to educate myself in that field, then we can look at moving in together again...

How can you enjoy a relationship? There are no date nights, there is just you working, coming home, cooking, sitting on the couch, day after day after day... Nothing there for you.

Each person has a responsibility for themselves. I call it when one doesn't try, doesn't look for solutions, a user, sorry I just do.

Surely, he has seen the stress you've been under?

I say go.... and let him realise that he can't live off you. Imagine 10 years of that? That's what your up against.

There no such thing as "CAN'T"... it's "WONT"...

CW

**happy ending** · 11-14-2009 06:02 PM

i agree with WC and CW, he seems to lack drive and ambition and is just a big weight around your neck, as suggested give him 30 days notice, he may be ok with it, but i am suspecting he will try to manipulate you, by trying to make you feel bad etc when he sees his ride on the gravy train is about to end. good luck, take care of yourself, he will be fine - no matter what he tells you.

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