Thread: Recently found out my finacee unfaithful/lied to me

Originally Posted by stressed

So, her ex and colleague suddenly started flirting with her a few months ago, she didn't give in at first but she eventually broke and gave in. But that's where her story ends. Did she stop flirting because she started having feelings for him? And to tell you this now... It seems to be very complicated.

It is understandable that you doubt her trust now, she should have told you what was going on from the beginning, let alone not respond to his flirting. It's an ex we are talking about, or at least they've known each other for a while, so it cannot be seen as innocent; they knew what they were getting into. If it was innocent then why would she bring it up now?

Unfaithful is a strong word to use, but she has certainly been keeping things from you.

It's kind of confusing though, because hanging out during breaks and hugging is not a crime, but if she felt the need to tell you all this then she might feel guilty about flirting.

Maybe if you could elaborate a little bit more about her past with this man and the reasons why this subject suddenly surfaced.

She said that after a month of saying "stuff" back, she started to have feelings for him, and didnt want that so she told him to back off. Keep in mind tho at this point he had already been hitting on her alot for 5 months (total time she said this went on from start to finsih, and only 1 of those months of her reciprocating). She says she knew she always wanted to be with me, even when she started saying things back. Also, she said she felt bad the whole time, then why would she continue to say things back for 1+ months, and THEN realize it was wrong. Hardest part is, I dont really know if this story is the complete truth...she is adamant that nothing more than that ever happened, I just dont know if that can be true if she let it happen for so long, then started back for another month, and then was so okay with always keeping it a secret if she really felt how she says she does about me and "us."

Originally Posted by WildChild

A good relationship requires trust. Either you trust her or you don't. Only you can decide.

I feel both, immenseley, simultaneously

Originally Posted by caterpillar79

I agree with HD here, but i am not telling you that her actions were acceptable. Assess how you did on this department.

Like the above posters, I will wait for further info on your part before I could give you a more accurate viewpoint on your situation.

I am definatley not perfect in that department, however, never did not make her feel not loved and cared for. The words "youre hot" and "I want you so bad" did go by the wayside last fall...and I didnt even realize it, I started to go back to school, and during that time she was paranoid with me for the exact things she did. I have never not "wanted" her, the exact opposite. If this is the case, it wouldve have at least been nice for her to sit me down and explain EXACTLEY how she was feeling, this did not happen. She did, while paranoid about me, say that we werent "doing stuff" as much, and I would try to initiate something.....but always before I could she would say something like that again and it felt like I would just be doing so because she said something, like not genuine. After last fall, we went on vacation to Mexico (March) and had the time of our lives, and when we got back she was happy...but come to find out this had already started and continued until June/July, without a word, or even a noticeable difference....it supposedly stops and 4 months later this version of the truth comes out....so confused

The whole story was bs, she as cheating the last month...she says the time frame was right.."just not the whole truth" of course she left out the worst parts...making out, groping, pants off, oral, and says that the last two times they almost had sex...but when they stopped fooling around (this is at a freakin Hardee's before it openend in the bathroom mind you) that when he would put a rubber on he would already be "floppy" as she put it, meaning that they tried to have sex, but it didnt happen. I asked her why she didnt try more, and she always said they only had 15-20 minutes to actually fool around because they had to open the store within 45 minutes. I dont know, she says 12-15 times total of fooling around, the first few being just kissing, then advancing to making out, then advancing to hands down the pants, and the last few times oral stuff and "attempted" sex. This was on tues Nov 17th when she admitted this, but it gets far worse.....when she admitted this she was aweek late for getting her period, on thurs Nov 19th, she takes a pregnancy test and it is posititve....I have no idea what to do anymore, she lied so much, cheated, lied about cheating, and lied about lying....and now 2 days later after the roof collapses on, she is pregnant and feel so torn whether or not to give her a second chance (I still love her) or just say get out. This is the absolute worst week of my life, every minute seems like an hour, agony multiplied by agony