Thread: Tired of Waiting

It will be 9 years together for me and my boyfriend on November 20th, 8 1/2 years spent living together.

Over the years there have been good times and bad. We have had alot of bad times we have tried to get over.

At 9 years, our communication suffers. I feel as though we have become enemies.

He is an alcoholic and I have hoped that it would get better but it has just gotten worse.

He has now started gambling. I dont work, I am a student. He has just purchased a new home and its beautiful. I thought that this might change some of his behaviours but it hasnt.

We split up for about 4 months and in that time we dated a bit while living apart.

He promised things would change if I and when I moved into this new home. I find that things have gotten worse steadily. He spends alot of time at this pub he has been going to for about 15 years.

He gets very intoxicated and flirts alot. He almost always makes an fool of himself and has occasionally fallen asleep at the bar.

On the other hand he doesnt do this everyday and he can be the sweetest guy in the world.

I have turned into a completely different person over the years. I have become bitter, angry and impatient with these continued behaviours. I immediately get angry when the words "Im going out with my friends tonight, you are welcome to join" start to leave his mouth.

This happens every weekend. He always finds a way to make me feel like it is my fault, when I confront him with everything. He just gets angry and then seems to come up with an answer for everything.

He took me to look at engagement rings finally about 2 years ago and when I didnt see even a payment being made after 3 months I asked him and He looked at me and said "Im not sure anymore if you are the one". Which I forgot to mention that that line has been made famous in our relationship and me and his mother laugh about it all the time.

I met him a year into his breakup with his former girlfriend of 6 1/2 years, whom he never asked to marry him either. Which should have been a warning sign for me.

I loved him so much that I kept telling myself that things will get better. Well things have stayed the same and gotten worse in some cases. I am not innocent in this whole sinario. After the revoke on the engagement I seemed to emotionally distance myself and along the way I met someone else, whom I spent the night with. There was no sex, just talking and a bit of making out. Of course alcohol was involved. He just made me feel good.

I was the one girl in the bar that night that he would not leave be. He made me feel attractive again. I didnt feel fat as my boyfriend has always done. I felt beautiful for one night. My boyfriend is supportive up to a point in everything I do. School and whatever else I might want to pursue. He makes sure I have a vehicle and I have money if I am without. Its like he tries to make me feel comfortable but at the same time I feel controlled by this.

We have watched all of our friends get married, engaged, or have children over the years. Some have been together the same amount of time as us and some have been together as litle as 6 months. I guess Im hoping that someone out there has been in or seen this same senario and can offer some good advice.

Sorry for the very long thread, but I wanted my situation to be pretty clear. The time line might be a bit off but its the jist of it anyway.