Thread: Frustrated With Friend

I don't usually let too many people into my heart because I've been hurt so many times before. I don't have any close friends, only casual friends. Very rarely will anyone ever invite me to do anything. I don't get phone calls from people inviting me to parties or to lunch or anything. I'm a nice person and I'm told this all of the time. I make an effort to invite people to do things but I'm petrified and so afraid of rejection. Most of the time it doesn't work out. Anyway, I'm a female and I met a guy 7 years ago. We both belong to the same community band. I didn't really hang out with anyone at the time. He made an effort to include me and it really meant a lot to me. We would talk after rehearsals and concerts and we started e-mailing each other. I felt like I could tell him anything. 6 years ago he met a girl and they still see each other. I didn't understand the relationship because she is 22 years younger and he was married with 2 kids. That's not the problem though. The problem is his girlfriend can't handle him being friends with me. I don't want a romantic relationship. I'm married and I don't believe in adultury. My friend tells me that he can't interact with me the way he used to because he doesn't want to upset his girlfriend. They've even had huge figthts over me and I didn't even do anything wrong. I simply expressed an interest in wanting to talk to him after rehearsals. This is the only time I get to see him. My friend is stuck in the middle trying to make both of us happy, but she is relentless. I think he stays with her because unlike his wife, she actually wants to be with him. She is also young, he's attracted to her, and I'm sure he enjoys the intimacy. I also don't think that he can stand being alone. She makes me feel like caring about him is wrong. It doesn't mean that I want to leave my husband. I just wanted to be a friend. She has total control over him and he knows it. He is not the fun loving person he used to be. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to express my sadness. He doesn't hang out with us anymore. He sends less e-mail. I want my friend back. He says he doesn't want to be this way but he is doing it for her. This is admirable, but what is wrong with being a friend? Why do I have to feel like I'm a bad person for caring about him? I know he cares about me too, but he would never tell me this. He can't choose our friendship over her. I'm very depressed. I thought I had a friend for life.