Why didn't my ex respond to my email? :(

**sexybabe** · 01-05-2010 12:15 PM

My bf and I broke up a month ago and I stopped communicating with him 2 weeks after the break up. I found out that he asked my bestfriend once how I was doing and if I were still mad at him (he just assumed this because we never fought when we decided to break up). I deleted him on my facebook because I couldn't stand seeing his pictures or what he's been up to. I also noticed that he was posting happy, fun stuff on his wall and I couldn't stand that either. So after exactly 1 month after the break up I emailed him to basically share my realizations about why I think our relationship fell apart. It was a long and heartfelt letter. It took me some time and a lot of gutts to pour my feelings into that email, but I was very careful not to sound devastated. I also told him that I don't hate him and that I am now at peace with what happened between us. The thing is, he never replied to my email and I am so hurt that he didn't care about my feelings. A short response acknowledging my email would have been ok, but he just completely ignored it! I am generally doing ok but sad most of the time, but now I am back to hating him again. I am angry again after I thought I was done and over with the hating phase. So now I really regret emailing him. I felt that I wanted to do that (email him) for myself, and I also wanted him to know that I am ok and have accepted what happened between us. But it seems that I just gave him another chance to ignore and reject me :'(

Any insights on why he chose not to respond to my email? We didn't fight and I know I didn't do anything bad that could have upset him. Ive been silent even to our friends and chose to grieve alone. I thought that email would sort of put a closure to everything and I was hoping that it would help me move on with my life but now I feel like Ive taken 100 steps back because I am hurting so much and I am a so angry again and i hate it! Wish I could post the email here but it's just too long.

I would appreciate your insights and help. Thanks!

**yellowpiXi3** · 01-05-2010 12:20 PM

He's your EX.... and you have to accept that. You fondling over him like this isn't healthy for you. This is what he probably wants for you to come crawling back. You have stand strong. Who cares if he's doing god knows what. Enjoy YOUR life.

**rcoreyus** · 01-05-2010 01:47 PM

This may not be the case here, but emails do sometimes vanish. I hope no one ever takes a single lack of response to an email as an important statement.

In this case, he is your ex. He may be uncomfortable communicating with you.

**KMonte85** · 01-05-2010 01:54 PM

Originally Posted by sexybabe

I emailed him to basically share my realizations about why I think our relationship fell apart.

Originally Posted by sexybabe

I also told him that I don't hate him and that I am now at peace with what happened between us.

Originally Posted by sexybabe

I felt that I wanted to do that (email him) for myself, and I also wanted him to know that I am ok and have accepted what happened between us.

Originally Posted by sexybabe

Any insights on why he chose not to respond to my email?

To me, if this email was a heartfelt analysis of why you think your relationship ended, that you do not hate him, are okay, and at peace with what happened.. then I don't see why he would think a response was warranted. Did you ASK him what he thought or how he felt? Was there anything in your email requesting that he respond? If not, he most likely felt that you didn't want a response, instead just wanting you clear the air and get your thoughts out there.

If it was just you pouring your heart out he probably took it as that. You making your feelings known, and if I were him, I would be thinking, "oh, ok she's letting me know that everything is alright. She's okay with the breakup and doesn't have hard feelings. End of story."

I would not be so hateful about his lack of response... he most likely didn't know you wanted him to respond, or since you told him you were okay, he didn't want to open a can of worms by replying and telling you his feelings... as far as he knows, things are at a status quo.

**Futureboy** · 01-05-2010 02:11 PM

SB he's put you in the past (or trying to) communicating with you will only prolong the torment for you and him. Try to move on best you can set a few easy goals for the next month or so to focus your mind on other things

On a lighter size I did a similar thing. As a few of you know I am pretty easy going and not a stalker type. The response was

Contact me or my family again I will take legal action

We parted on good terms

For six months I just thought this was really weird. Turns out she stole someones husband and she was being stalked for her efforts. I have to admit a little smile on my face appeared when I found out.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-05-2010 02:16 PM

When you write something like that, it's also putting your feelings out there. It actually really helps you to do it, a way of letting go.

But, once you send it, you need to realise that, that's it.... It's been told....your story has been told.....

It has done it's job, it got to the person you wanted to read it.. And, he read it...

He would have pondered over what you said, thought about it...

You did what you set out to do....

We are emotional creates and we have more intuition. Men, in general aren't as emotional, they weren't wired that way.. They keep things deep inside, and most men, rarely express their "emotions"...

He would have heard you and that's what you need to take from this.

CW

**sexybabe** · 01-06-2010 05:06 AM

[QUOTE=KMonte85;147954] Did you ASK him what he thought or how he felt? Was there anything in your email requesting that he respond? If not, he most likely felt that you didn't want a response, instead just wanting you clear the air and get your thoughts out there.QUOTE]

No, there was nothing in my email requesting him to respond. I did not ask any question for him to respond to, either. I guess a part of me also wants to know how he feels after I shared my feelings with him in that email. I will never know if he is in pain now or if he misses me or still loves me. He never contacted me again after we broke up and that makes me feel that he really doesn't care one bit about me anymore. I hope he pondered on the things I said. It just breaks my heart to know that he is enjoying his life now, diving almost every weekend while I am still crying over losing him..

**sperosi** · 01-06-2010 05:22 AM

in reality you are better off not having received a reply email from him.

i went through a similar thing and every email made it seem like there was a glimmer of hope, when in reality i knew there wasnt one and that if even if there was, it would just end up the same way except for the added hurt.

hard thing to do, but you told him how you feel. now it's time to move on.

**Sprite** · 01-06-2010 05:27 AM

Just because he posts happy thoughts on Facebook, doesn't mean he really is happy. He could just be doing that to give you or someone else the impression that he is. He may be embarrassed if his friends find out he's upset, so it could be one massive cover up.

In terms of the response to you email (Congrats on doing this by the way, it must've taken so much, and not many people have the guts to do it. As CW said, it's your way of letting go, so be proud of how far you've come!), he could be trying to move on, and maybe he feels that by replying to your email will actually make you both in contact again, and maybe he won't know what to do from there.

Stay Strong!

Nix

**KMonte85** · 01-06-2010 06:23 AM

Originally Posted by sexybabe

I guess a part of me also wants to know how he feels after I shared my feelings with him in that email. I will never know if he is in pain now or if he misses me or still loves me. He never contacted me again after we broke up and that makes me feel that he really doesn't care one bit about me anymore.

This guy is your ex, and it seems like you are trying to put too much emphasis on how someone you are no longer romantically linked to feels about you. Obviously, you still do have feelings for him or you would not care so much about if he still loves you or is hurting.

You must have broken up for a reason, and although I am sure you are still hurting, you need to take this experience as a lesson. What have you learned from this break up? What have you learned about what makes relationships work? Apply this when you start feeling better and start dating other people..

For the time being, just be proud of yourself for having the ability to put yourself out there and make your feelings known. There are many people in this world who bottle things like that up and take it to the grave. We would all be much happier if we could express ourselves the way you did. Try to focus on that, that you helped YOU... and stop worrying that your feelings may or may not have sparked any feelings in your ex.