we broke up but have to live together

**geena** · 01-13-2010 04:51 PM

I'm in a foreign country and have to live in the same room with my ex, cause we can't find other accommodation. we used to be very good friends, but now we keep fighting everyday. I hate being in the same room with him, whenever he talks he just drains all my energy and puts me down. don't know what to do or where to go or who to talk to, i just feel stuck and see no light at the end of the tunnel and it's just creeping me out, because usually i'm positive and can find my way out, but this one feels different. i feel powerless, out of energy and even more ashamed of myself for being like this. i don't like him anymore so there's no chance to get back together, but there seems no chance to get out either. i'm trapped, and feel my confidence going down day by day..

**KMonte85** · 01-14-2010 06:21 AM

why can't one of you find another place to live? Is it a money issue? Can't find another roommate?

Do you have any friends that you made that you can talk to, vent to, and get feedback and support from?

Family you can call to help you out?

It sounds like a pretty crappy living situation, but it doesn't have to be permanent! I'm sure the transition to moving on and moving out is going to take longer than you like, which is frustrating and depressing. Don't be ashamed. There are plenty of people out there who have been in your situation! We've all managed, even if it meant going through some tough times at first. You can do this!

As for your ex - why is it that you're fighting all the time? Can you perhaps sit him down and just make an agreement that you will just be roommates, and basically ignore each other until one or both of you find someplace else to live? What is it that is causing you to fight so much?

A few more details would help!

**yellowpiXi3** · 01-14-2010 06:56 PM

Can you find a hostel or a cheap hotel you can go to for a night or two. You need to get away from that situation... How did you end up there if you don't mind me asking?

**shikiraclare** · 01-17-2010 12:10 PM

Hi there,

Your situation sounds like torture to me!.

I think what's lacking are boundaries. If you really have no other way of getting other accommodation then you need to discuss with him about giving each other personal space when being trapped in the same room as each other is going to drive you both crazy. Do you both work in the country you are in? - It sounds as if you both spend all of your time together.

You haven't explained how it is or why it is you are living in another country and of course you are going to be frightened (especially) if you don't speak the same language as them or are stuck there. It is so important for both of you to stick together in this situation so that you can work out how it is you are going to get out of it and the way around this is to compromise with each other.

Tell him that you both need to work on a plan together that is going to get you both home but also about how you can spend time apart each day so that when you come back together; neither of you will be inclined to get into arguments or him treating you badly. It is probably because he feels just as helpless about what to do about the situation that he acts this way - men have a different way of dealing with problems and this is his way of coping with it all. He probably doesn't mean to hurt you, but just needs a plan of action and some space of his own like you do.