Support needed, husband leaving again

**KMonte85** · 01-20-2010 06:45 AM

Originally Posted by saklamara

i am trying to convince my self that the man i love is nowhere to be found inside my husband. I love the man that used to love me with all his heart, not the guy he is now... i am just not yet convinced.

I guess it is even more painful because he is trying to be sweet and understanding, he is even checking on me on a daily basis.

What a tough situation for you.. on one hand, you still do love him. but on the other, you're trying to come to terms with the fact that he's not the same man you married anymore. He's selfish, and he's putting you through a lot of pain for his own selfish reasons - that's not the man you married.

And to top it off, he's still checking in on you to make sure you're okay? Giving you the impression that he's still the man you married. Obviously you aren't OK! And his actions are to blame...

I don't have much advice for you other than you shouldn't fall for his sweet advances.. I believe he's calling you trying to butter you up and make you less angry with him, because if he truly cared how you were he would not be preparing to go to Spain to be with another woman while his wife is at home devastated.

Follow what others have said and get your finances in order. And if he hasn't made any advances into legally ending the marriage, then you should speak with a lawyer and do so yourself.

In my opinion, his sweet and caring advances are more suspicious than they are heartwarming at this point...

**ARusden96** · 01-20-2010 10:05 AM

Originally Posted by KMonte85

What a tough situation for you.. on one hand, you still do love him. but on the other, you're trying to come to terms with the fact that he's not the same man you married anymore. He's selfish, and he's putting you through a lot of pain for his own selfish reasons - that's not the man you married.
And to top it off, he's still checking in on you to make sure you're okay? Giving you the impression that he's still the man you married. Obviously you aren't OK! And his actions are to blame...

I don't have much advice for you other than you shouldn't fall for his sweet advances.. I believe he's calling you trying to butter you up and make you less angry with him, because if he truly cared how you were he would not be preparing to go to Spain to be with another woman while his wife is at home devastated.

Follow what others have said and get your finances in order. And if he hasn't made any advances into legally ending the marriage, then you should speak with a lawyer and do so yourself.

In my opinion, his sweet and caring advances are more suspicious than they are heartwarming at this point...

How is that selfish? It is selfish to cheat on someone, that is the selfish act. Telling a person the truth that you do not want to be with them is actually thinking about the other's feelings. Cheating is disrespectful, Honesty is respectful.

I agree that he isnt the same man she married because PEOPLE CHANGE. Honestly, if I would have caught him cheating the first time he would have been gone because once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater. Cheating shows a dishonest and disrespectful characteristic, which is not what I would want in a man.

**sourpuss** · 01-20-2010 10:15 AM

Originally Posted by Joy

This is blurb in your life..... greater things are meant to be. Let go of him and the negative and great postitive changes will come to you. I wish you happiness today

Well said.

**KMonte85** · 01-20-2010 10:15 AM

How is that selfish? It is selfish to cheat on someone, that is the selfish act. Telling a person the truth that you do not want to be with them is actually thinking about the other's feelings. Cheating is disrespectful, Honesty is respectful.

I agree that he isnt the same man she married because PEOPLE CHANGE. Honestly, if I would have caught him cheating the first time he would have been gone because once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater. Cheating shows a dishonest and disrespectful characteristic, which is not what I would want in a man.

I'm not convinced that he actually IS telling her the truth.. that's part of the problem!

As far as I can tell from her posts, she didn't marry a man who was selfish and planning on cheating on her. Who would? He used to be a caring, kind, loving man worthy of marrying.

He's changed. He's become someone who puts his selfish desires before his wife, before his marriage. He cheated once already.

THEN HE CAME BACK, he told her he wanted to stay, and they decided to work it out. Now he's at it again.

He's cheated once more, but he's still sending mixed signals of concern for his wife, keeping his foot in the door JUST like he did LAST TIME. But still planning the trip to visit the other woman.

Being honest? Was he honest when he came back the first time wanting to work it out, only to leave again once another opportunity arose? No. I believe he knew after the first time that he cheated that it was over, but he wanted to keep his wife and have his fun.

He started texting and seeing another woman AGAIN, behind his wife's back. He only came clean because she caught him. Is that being honest? Or is that having your back against the wall and having to fess up?

I stand by my opinion. Selfish, through and through.

**saklamara** · 01-21-2010 12:33 PM

Of course i didnt marry a man who i knew to be a cheater. He was amazing, truly truly adored me... I guess that is the hard part.

And yes, people do change, i have changed. But my core values havent and i honestly thought his values wouldnt change either.
This guy truly feels in love with this girl... he really does.
And yes he lied to me, twice... and he cheated, and wasnt strong enough to make a decision before putting me through days of watching him sms this girl and not being able to say anything because his family was visiting (and wouldnt want to disturb 82 year old granma with the thought that her grandchild wasnt as perfect as she thought).
But it is also true that once they left, he made a decision and in a week he was out of the appartment.
My days are a mix of good and bad feelings. I feel good when i go running or do exercise in general, but i cant do that all day long.
I really got mad at him today, he actually sent me an email saying: "If dont write you an email i just dont hear from you"... why does he do this? does he want me to feel guilty for not reaching to him?...he is the one that checked out...
I had to run out of my office, lock my self in the bathroom and try not to scream...
Good thing was i spent the rest of the afternoon checking on trips to Santorini. I was there once and really loved it. I've always wanted to go back but he would never go to Greece with me (I had a greek boyfriend before we got together)... So i am thinking of going there for a week, on my own, sometime mid May... just the idea of going makes me smile so i guess i ll be doing a lot of research for a while