Gay/bi lover

**wannabe4u** · 01-24-2010 06:56 PM

I met a guy through personals a month ago. We have incredible chemistry sexually. When we were talking after having sex last monday, we were talking about anal sex, and i asked him if he ever had prostate massage. he said yes. then he told me he had it done by both women and men. He likes big penises and proud that he can take an 8 inch in. It is very easy for him to go and pick up guys to go anal on him (not so easy with women, he has a small penis). He is a bottom, he also gets excited by big penises and likes sucking them..
He is very good in bed with me. I got mad and called him gay, and he got really angry with me. He calls gays 'fags', and makes fun of them and insists he isn't gay. Of course i know this is bs.
I decided not to see him anymore because frankly this is way too complicated for me. I like everyone belong to their own camp.
What is he? He said if i stayed with him, he would never have sex with another man or woman ( i can believe the woman part, because of his penis size). But, i don't trust that he wont' go out and bring home man to take into his anus when he gets mad at me.
I don't want to feel guilty. I don't want to have a gay boyfriend with risky behaviour.
Am i right?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-24-2010 07:15 PM

He's not gay if he has sex with women. He's bi-sexual.

Bi-sexual people "can and will" be exclusive to one person if they are in a relationship.

So basically, he has told you the truth.

Educate yourself on matters I think before making / passing judgement on someone.

Like you said, you had incredible sexual chemistry and slept with himm, but later you state, that you believe he wouldn't have sex with a woman as he has a small penis.

Ouch...

What you really need to ascertain is whether or not, you can cope with the fact that he is bi and has had past relations. Not future, as I said, most in any committed relationship regardless of sexual preference will remain in that, unless they ARE gay and are only trying to cover up the fact, by remaining with a woman.

Good luck with your choices...

If you decide to backtrack now, remember the word "protection"... and perhaps ask him about that, the difficulty lies in him going down on another man, and catching STD's from oral but also that goes for you, with a man, or any person, that sleeps with someone without protection....

In-other-words, he should go and get the all clear from the past, if you decide to continue and not use protection, as you may be on birth control.

Things to ponder.

CW

**wannabe4u** · 01-24-2010 07:32 PM

you are of course right Chandler. He isn't gay. He is bi. Of course even this is something he doesn't consider to be. He just says he goes with men because he needs sex, he can't approach women because of his size, and he enjoys sucking and anal to get his needs met.

I don't know what is going on out there. He insists most men with small penises do this and hide the fact. I do understand his pain due to his size. It destroyed his whole world and who he is. Because otherwise he is very good looking, and very sweet when he isn't threatened (well, like the rest of the human population)

Yes, protection is the big word here. However, i am realizing that it isn't so much about his past, that i worry. I fit him so well sexually, since i am small, to me he feels big. It was very therapeutic for him to make love to me, since he felt normal and wanted. But, there are so many problems he has had his whole life due to his penis size that i don't know if i am capable of coping with he neuroses. I feel incredible compassion for him. Yet, we can't be in the same room together, because we fight and hate each other, and of course sex is great afterward.

Basically I don't trust what we have as a couple. I seek things in him i will hate so that i can let him go. On the other hand, i have such love and empathy for him. No, i don't blame his life choices. He survived. I just am not sure about mine to continue to nurture him when i can't nurture and center myself when i am with him. Both of us depleted doesn't add to much. In that sense, it will be destructive for both of us. I guess this is what i am trying to stop from happening. Everything else is an excuse to get out of this that i have seemed to have fallen into in the course of a month.

Thank you for your reply. You have forced me into a soul search.
Of course, i will end it, but with so much love for him and never hatred.

**sinner** · 01-24-2010 07:39 PM

yea i'd say he is bi sexual. i think its up to the individual person as to whether or not they would cheat whether its with a man or a woman. but if your looking for a relationship with someone you need to be comfortable and happy with them. if there is something about them your not happy with then in the long wrong its probably not going to work out.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-24-2010 08:14 PM

Sounds to me that there are even more issues at hand, if you can't get along, it will not be healthy for you, either of you.

I think your making a wise choice, to leave therefore... Sex after a fight is without a doubt powerful

But, a relationship with constant fights, insecurities, differences is really best to be left alone, once established young into that relationhip.

Best wishes, your explanation and continued post was very soulful I am sure you will find that soul mate your looking for.

CW

**sperosi** · 01-26-2010 03:37 PM

he is bi.

it's right if it feels right to you. it's not right if it doesn't feel right to you.

how you feel isnt right or wrong, sexist, bigoted, whatever. it is just how you feel.

if you are ok having a relationship with someone who is bi, then go for it.

if you aren't, then dont.

**kygirl** · 01-27-2010 07:57 AM

I dated a man for a while that was openly bisexual. He had been with both men and women, but even though I felt like he leaned more towards women, when we were together, he was all about me. He was sweet, kind, and I knew that he was okay sleeping with just me.

You either are okay with it or you aren't. I didn't ever think about it because I just admired him and loved him so much as a person.