Thread: Keep it to yourself, or say something?

I don't think this is a hard question at all...

been there in the past (not married, but he was in a LT relationship) and the hard and steadfast rule is to keep your mouth shut about your feelings toward him!

Most likely the feelings develop out of the bond and closeness that you feel towards him. Sometimes there is a chemistry too, but it seems most often that the attraction develops out of emotional attachment.

So in your example, great male friend, happily married, you've developed feelings beyond friendship for him....

do you ever tell him?

NO NO NO NO NO - you will lose the friendship, probably make things forever awkward between the two of you... any mutual friends may start pulling away too because of the situation. And if you have any relationship with the wife, she will probably want you out of their life and as far away from her husband as possible.

Huge upheaval.

do you keep it to yourself?

YES! Most times, as mentioned above, the feelings develop out of emotional intimacy.. finding a man that you can talk to honestly, openly, have a great time with, and develop a close relationship with has the potential to create an emotional attraction from a woman... as that is what we often crave. But you need to look at it as just that - it is an emotional thing, which means there is something else in my personal life that I am dissatisfied with. I am missing that emotional attachment, and I found it in a great male friend.

Gotta rationalize it.

do you give any indication how you feel?

Nope. He is a great friend. He is happily married. You do not ruin great friendships or happy marriages by indicating you're feeling more than your "friendship" feelings...

does it hurt more to keep it in, or say something and risk the friendship?

Both do hurt. But you need to look at the benefits and the repurcussions of both. You spill your emotional guts - you are being honest with yourself and him (bonus) BUT you probably do not get the guy, you create an awkward situation, depending on the circumstances, you can become an outcast/bad guy to him, his wife, and mutual friends for screwing stuff up. You most likely kill the friendship.

You don't talk... you feel like you're being dishonest with yourself and him (that sucks), but you suck it up, find an equally lovely single man to grow emotionally and physically attracted to, your attaction to your friend wanes, and life goes on as normal.

is it a lie to never say anything about how you feel?

No. We all have feelings towards others that we do not share with people. It is not lying, it is protecting yourself and others in a societal sense. If I went up to every coworker, boss, friend, acquaintance, family member, etc and told them exactly how I felt about them good or bad, well.... you can imagine just what chaos might ensue. By the time I was done, I would have made some great headway in my relationships, torn some relationships to the ground, and gotten fired.