Shook hands on an exclusive nonserious relationship but now...

**silverpen** · 02-06-2010 06:25 PM

We met, went away with some friends together and did stuff and on another occasion had sex (lost my virginity to him). It was a mistake which I regretted but I'm over it now.

I asked him what he wanted, He said he doesn't want anything serious or a girl to tie him down because he had just had two long serious relationships one after the other and is enjoying spending time with friends etc atm.

He said "it's not that I'm not interested in you and it's not that i don't like you".

I said that that is fine with me because I enjoy having fun with him but I don't want to do it if he is hooking up with multiple girls because I don't want to be one of them. I said if that is what he wants to do or starts to do then I want to know straight away. He said he wasn't doing that and if he did he would tell me straight away and then we shook hands!

We proceeded to make out :P
And have made out since.

But the other day he told my best friend how when he was out the other night he ran into 'the girl who got away' and when he came home he was like 'I'm not going to message her first" and then that girl ended up messaging him first and he was happy.

So I was annoyed when I heard that.

We were meant to do something last week but he kept being weird and blunt and I told him I was sick of chasing him. Then this weekend he said we will do something this coming week and he was sorry about last week. So when I he said this I was happy.

Didnt last long. Because this morning my best friend messaged me and said she found out from his best friend that Bob (name changed) was seeing his 'family friend' after he got dropped home last night. She also found out it was the same 'family friend' that he was at a concert with and that he has being seeing her for about 2 months since xmas eve. (I met him on boxing day).

I asked her what 'seeing her' meant and she said she didnt know. But I mean it would have been around 1am when he was going to see her....so I don't imagine it was friendly chatting...

The even worse thing is I CANT SAY ANYTHING about this to him because his friends weren't meant to tell my friend etc. So I have to find some other way of trying to suss the truth out of him.

I feel like ****. And I'm so sick of feeling like ****. I know I deserve someone better but it's so hard to let go of my feelings for him...everytime I am around him I just want to jump him (and make out haha).

It so easy to say 'just forget about him' but trust me its a lot harder than you think. And I'm not a naive girl...I can see the situation but I can't help my feelings. I hate him and like him at the same time atm.

I don't know what to do or how I can talk to him about this without mentioning what I'm not allowed to say. If I ask him straight out if he's been with other girls and he says no and lies straight to my face then what can I say? ""? I can't say that because then I would have to give reasons of why I think its and I'm not allowed to say the stuff about meeting up with the 'family friend'.

Argh!

**PJhavinfunagain** · 02-06-2010 06:29 PM

You need to move on and find someone new. This does not sound healthy for you.

**sourpuss** · 02-06-2010 06:35 PM

He was up front in the beginning about not wanting a relationship. I think the whole handshake thing and the lying now is because he's a guy and they try to tell us what they think we want to hear so they won't hurt our feelings.

I think you're just going to have to take it for what it was, a fling with a friend. it sounds like you are pressuring him and checking up on him like a girlfriend would but you guys aren't an item. If you want to spare your feelings and keep friends you may want to rethink the whole being physical aspect of your friendship because it obviously means more to you than it does to him and it will only make you feel worse in the end.

Sorry you're going through this, we've all been there I think. Doesn't make it any easier but you really do deserve someone who is into you the same way you are into them and he deserves to have the freedom to whatever (and whomever) he wants, since he was honest about his intentions in the first place.

**silverpen** · 02-06-2010 06:44 PM

Its also a difficult situation because my best friends is in a serious relationship with his best friend so we all hang out together regularly....and i guess that's how i hear these things.

Yes he was honest about his intentions but we also agreed upon there being no other hookups. I told him if thats what he wanted then that was okay but i wasnt going to be one of them and he said it isnt what he wanted and if it changed he would tell me..

ugh feel so

Im also going to a get together this week and will be staying over and so will he so unfortunately it will obviously be brought up at that between us

**silverpen** · 02-06-2010 06:47 PM

plus it was his suggestion to hang out the other week not mine...but something happened and we couldnt go....and his suggestion for this week

**sperosi** · 02-06-2010 10:12 PM

your title "Shook hands on an exclusive nonserious relationship" says it all.

exclusive and nonserious are kind of oxymoron's.

if you want more than tell him. if you dont want more, then exclusivity doesnt really matter, now does it?

the problem I see is that the "nonserious relationship" isnt what you really want.