What to conculde from his post...

**luvtheoneurwith** · 02-09-2010 10:44 AM

Yesterday I posted, on Facebook, "I fell and an angel named (husbands name) caught me." My husband replied "I don't remember catching you." Uh is it me or was that a weird comment. What could that mean. Does he not think he is an angel or that I am a catch? I just keep saying WHAT!

**stressed** · 02-09-2010 10:46 AM

Hmmm maybe he was joking? Many men joke when we tell them a sweet line. Maybe he thought it was "cheesy" or cute and he joked instead of replying in the same manner...
If he wasn't joking then he was just being mean, but I doubt it.

**luvtheoneurwith** · 02-09-2010 10:56 AM

I keep hoping he was joking. I mean...I don't know what to think. All I keep playing over in my head is that its hard being married, its more work than raising our daughter and so much more work than any job I've ever had. How do you know when your relationship is a lost cause? I love my husband and want to live my life with him more than anything in the world, but how do I know when the work is more than relationship?

**kygirl** · 02-09-2010 11:01 AM

Originally Posted by luvtheoneurwith

I keep hoping he was joking. I mean...I don't know what to think. All I keep playing over in my head is that its hard being married, its more work than raising our daughter and so much more work than any job I've ever had. How do you know when your relationship is a lost cause? I love my husband and want to live my life with him more than anything in the world, but how do I know when the work is more than relationship?

I have to say that it seems like there may be more to this than just the Facebook comment. I mean, in my opinion, he was just teasing with the Facebook comment. I would have said I didn't mean you. I mean the other "Tom" or "john" or whatever playfully back.

If you are going to get that worried over a FB comment, it seems like there might be more underlying than that.

**luvtheoneurwith** · 02-09-2010 11:23 AM

I think it is a combination of things. Over the last month we have been fighting a lot mainly due to his cousin (a different one) who was accused, and did not deny, of molesting his cousins daughter. His family is like well he went to therapy and so he is cured. Before we found out about this my daughter was really close to him. My husband and he were best friends and he is having a difficult time with it. He is always saying "I just don't believe that he could do it. I just don't know if I can believe it." My husband wants my daughter and the molesters relationship to continue but I say he is in no way allowed around my daughter. My husband drops everything just be at his families beck and call, and while I want to support him (cause there is nothing like being close with family) I also worry about his mental stability. Plus the whole thing with the other cousin that is getting married (see my post under Husbands & Fiances). I feel like a daytime drama. Plus he has been strange lately, since I said that the molester and my daughter can not be around each other. He has been withdrawn and distance (sleeping and playing PC games a lot). I fear for my daughters and his relationship as well as ours.

**KMonte85** · 02-09-2010 11:38 AM

from your post explaining whats been going on lately, I can see why his comment on you FB status would raise your eyebrows..

I think KY hit the nail on the head, there is MUCH more going on than FB comments, and that is why you are questioning things more and trying to analyze if his comment was a lighthearted joke or a passive aggressive stab at you. Given the circumstances you're under, it could be either.

You won't really know what the deal is w/ his remark, because you can't be in his mind and know his intentions. However, given everything else that is stressing the relationship - is it worth bringing it up to him and potentially starting a new fight? The whole situation started because of an issue that is currently going on... don't complicate it by fighting over the symptoms of problems in your relationship regarding your issues with him, his withdrawal, and his family.

If I were you, I wouldn't think more of it and I wouldn't talk to him about the comment because that's just taking away from the real issue. As they say, "you have bigger fish to fry."

**sourpuss** · 02-09-2010 11:43 AM

From what you've said in your other posts, there seems to be a lot of passive-aggressiveness with these people and myspace and facebook.
It might be a good idea to make sure you're only using those sites to keep in touch with family and friends. Don't put any emotion in your status, don't talk about or refer to anyone or anything that is going on in your life. Keep it generic and private as possible and don't respond to anyone else's passive-aggressive stuff on there either. The internet is so easily misinterpreted that's it's a giant can of worms just waiting to be opened.

**Hopeless Dork** · 02-09-2010 12:22 PM

Displays of public affection on facebook are usually not well received. If he's like most men on facebook -- he has his high school buddies, his college buddies, guys he works with , guys from poker night etc... the whole macho man mentality sets in and the last thing he wants is to get ribbed for being smoochie woochie with his wife/gf.

If I were you, I'd save the sentiment for home and private messages and keep it light and fun on that platform.

**Hopeless Dork** · 02-09-2010 12:25 PM

I wanted to add that I do understand why you are hurt by that comment, and confused by it. It's pretty childish for him to respond that way just to get a chuckle from some guys that don't care for him like you do.... but boys will be boys around other boys. I am sure my bf would not embarass me if I did something like that -- he knows I am pretty sensitive, but at the same time I'm careful to try not to embarass him either.

I know you didn't do that to embarass him, it came from your heart and you wanted to share that with all that are close to you and that is so understandable. But the nature of that platform is summed up in quirky one-liners .

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-09-2010 02:51 PM

The first thing that came to my mind was this:-

"You caught me"... hense " I don't remember catching you"..

Which is a beautiful comment to make...

I think that your not sure how he feels about you, and so your pulling the worse scenario in your head. He needs to talk more to you about how he feels so that you can feel safe.

I also think that maybe your saying things in the wrong way and therefore, he hides behind the Computer and his thoughts.

It's often in the "way" you say things. Not what you say.

He's viewing this man as "family" and what his family have said, he's cured.. ahha. Your following female intuition and the knowledge that in usual terms it does not go away.

Communication is THE only way to properly explain how a person feels and likewise the other person.. Not "she is not" attitude, that creates an arguement and non communication which is then hard to jump over.

Explain yourself and fears and perhaps say "it's ok, if there are people around, family, you, or I but not alone and surely you can see that it's a necessity to do this for our child"..

CW