Hate being a teenager

**jj44** · 02-09-2010 01:49 PM

I have posted a few threads on here concerning my living situation. I am sixteen years old from Ontario and I'm in grade eleven. Ive been having problems with my parents for awhile now. Last weekend I snapped I was so fed up with all the pressure my family has put on me that I went to my boyfriends house an hour away for a few days. Obviously they were furious. When I came home they said I either had to go I a group home or stay at home under these conditions: grounded for a month, no going out during the week, seeing a counsellor, going to the doctor(they just found out I'm sexually active) and getting a job. As reasonable as that seems my dad does have a history of hitting me and staying is not going to fix it. My boyfriend definitely doesn't want me living here but he's still in he process of moving out and getting his own place (he's twenty) so I can't stay with him. What do you guys think I should do?

**Mes T** · 02-09-2010 04:16 PM

If it weren't for your dad being abusive, I'd say those rules were... more or less... reasonable. You're only 16, you can't support yourself, and I'm assuming you haven't finished your high school education yet (in the States anyway, people usually graduate at 18 or something).

Why do they want you to see a counselor? At the moment it seems like your DAD's the one who needs help. :-/ I'd definitely go and talk to some professional about your situation at home, maybe some authority figure at school...

A doc is a good idea, since you're sexually active, get checked for STDs and discuss birth control options with her/him if you haven't already.

**WildChild** · 02-09-2010 04:40 PM

Well try to find a way to turn this to your advantage. See the counselor and be honest with them about your home situation. They may be able to provide some intervention for your situation.

**rcoreyus** · 02-10-2010 05:38 AM

Things to think about when you decide what to do:

Do you you think your parents are honestly trying to do what is right for you, but just get it wrong all the time, or do you think they don't care?

When you say your dad has a history of hitting you - is this a couple of times over the years, or frequent? Has he left you bruised or injured? Does he hit you when he is drunk? Hitting is NEVER OK, but just trying to understand how bad this situation is.

Being a teenager is tough - you have responsibilities and authority that don't really match. Its very difficult to get a job that can support you, but you fell too old to be completely under the control of parents. You feel mature enough to be sexually active, but a lot of teenagers take too many risks that way and end up pregnant - and find their lives turned upside down.

If you can survive in your present situation for another 2 years, you can learn skills that will let you get a job and be independent. If the situation at home is too bad, maybe a group home is a better bet.

BTW: Despite all the terrible problems (and they are real) of being a teenager, many adults would sell their souls for a chance to be young again. Please try to enjoy the things you do have.

**newhere808** · 02-10-2010 10:17 AM

Well with the info given, and the lack of info in some ways (what do you mean by history of hitting?) I honestly don't see anything out of the ordinary outside of the possible abuse. If I found out my daughter was having sex as a minor, I would carry her to a doc if I had to, she may be willing to take risks like that, but I wouldn't be, and when your the parent in that situation your child saying their being safe, or they trust their partner or whatever is pretty much irrelevant.

As Mes T said, i'm curious as to why they want you to see a counselor. Again, with what you've given, I see little cause for concernd about you having harder than any other teenager i've known, or myself growing up, but again that all depends on what you mean by your father hits you.

**Little** · 02-13-2010 08:57 AM

Depending on the severity of the circumstances, (ie, your answers to Rcoreyus's questions) it may be time to consider emancipation/moving out. Do you have a job? Could you get one? If you have a vehicle, whose name is it in? How about your cellphone? Do everything you can to become independent. In two short years you can be living on your own (or earlier, if you make the legal fight.) Prepare for it. Get your own things, save your own money. Don't depend on your boyfriend.
Also, be careful of running off to his home without their permission - they are still legally your guardians and can charge your older boyfriend with kidnapping if you do something like that again.

**sperosi** · 02-14-2010 05:49 AM

i couldnt make the same suggestions the other posters above me have without asking a few questions first.

what exactly is the "pressure my family has put on me", and what where the circumstances when your father hit you, and how did he?

without some more details, there really isnt a way for any of us to ascertain if any of the conditions they are making are reasonable or not.

**jj44** · 02-15-2010 05:22 PM

my dad hits me for really no reason at all. one time it was because i smelled like smoke (all my friends smoke, i do not), and that time i was shaving my legs, he took my razor from me and cut my wrists. it happens frequently. my parents want me to see a counselor because they say i've "changed" but really i just don't care anymore. i lost all respect for my dad because of what he's done to me and my mom because she refuses to protect me. this lack of respect causes me to not really follow their rules, i don't fee like i owe them that. my current living situation is breaking me, i dont look forward to anything, i have lost interest in everything but i cant get out. i'm not shackled or caged but i'm not free whatsoever

**WildChild** · 02-15-2010 05:33 PM

Do your parents have some cultural objections to leg shaving and such?

**ltsang** · 02-15-2010 07:35 PM

What is wrong with sexually active with a boyfriend? You loved the guy right. So you have the right to be with him. Why in the world would your dad hit you? That is assault on battery right their. A father can not hit there own child. Am I right. Or I think your dad is trying to protect you from him. Has your father met your boyfriend. If not, why would he hit you? That is assault right there, brother! Well anyways if he does hit you again and do all kinds of things to you? You can call the cops on the other hand.

Another thing is that you can't afford on your own. Trust me I'm kinda there right now. I have to pay my own medicare insurance and my own credit card bills. Also right now I'm broke. And my wife is complaining that I'm not rich or not finish college yet. So, just stay away from dating right now until you find a job later on in life. There are plenty of other guys out there that is as nice as him. I wish I could start over.