LinkBack URL
About LinkBacks
Going to give this some thought but good wives need good husbands and he doesn't sound like much of one.
I need to find a way to get over this please help
I need help help dealing and coping and to try to get over what has happened, this is such a sensitive subject for me especially because i have been reasding other posts similar to mine and it doesnt touch the same subject as i have. It deals with PORNOGRAPHY phone sex and hot lines to meet local singles. my hubby and i will be togetehr 4 years this year and i just cam back in nov 09. i left april 09. here is what happened, it is a little long. so bare with me. i need so help. please be gentle honest but gentle.
This is how i left. I found out he was paying for phone sex hundreds of dollars . for minths about 2 years. watching porn for 4 years but 3 i can account for. and talking to other women on quest local lines and meet hot women in your area. things like that. when i found his stash of nasty mags and porn i was devastated. Ripped away from every ting ive done everything i thought i knew about my h.b .. I felt nasty betrayed used . i cried for months when he was gone at work or out side. i even cried silently in the shower and bed.
I asked him if there was anything else he had to tell me. We would work it out no matter what it was. he said no he swore on my life nothing else. When i asked y he was watching porn he said because you annoy me, you always at me bug me. hang on me.
And at the time was false in my book because he was always at work and when he wasnmt he was sleeping or i was at school. any way. I did everything for him just liek in teh videos. so i didnt understand y he wanted them not me. I asked him y he didnt want me any more and he said it was all in my head,.
He became so distant over the years. wouldnt hold my hand would cuddle .sex was 5 minutes he would yell at me for nothing . for asking ?'s for crying. and then i found more
I looke dup his phone account and there it was in my face . sex lines, singles lines, date lines., hook up lines, and a few numbers were on tehr i called and they said tehy have been on the quest line adn they gave b.js on the side for extra money.
I hid it for a few months to save our marriage,. i tried not bothering him when he got home making sure dinner was ready his clotehs were washed ironed and hung up. i gave him sex and oral w.e he asked. to keep him happy. thinking he would stop/ but no it didnt./ then i snapped at walmart of all places.
we were all there kids and us and he noticed a girl .. she was pretty and he just kept staring. he wont admit it. i todl him if shes taht intruguing go ask he for her #. he got mad and walkd of down the isle . when i looked where he went he was staring at her behind the isle block. i lost it and told him loudly and inappropriately. "if its not bad enough you have an addiction to nasty porn and sex lines and sinlge lines but you have to look at sluts in walmart in front of me to" well we left immediatley left our stuff ther and left
When we got home i cried and begged him to tell me y he did it. y the phone y the porn y the other women. his excuse was because i didnt listen to him . i always judged him and.. again im a b"""" im pushy im smothring him. blah blah blah. well over the next few days i was a mess. i couldnt even functyion my nieghbor had to help me with my kids. while i downed pills left and right. drank anything i could find or buy.
and then i got my head on straight and said no no more ws i going to destroy myself because of him. then he came home one night and we were still on the rocks. The kids were not in bed and he decides, hes not going to care and not trying to hide it, he goes on the computer and watches porn. i get infront of it and say if hes going to do this then at lweast wait until our chilren ae in bed. he said no and said no. well my daughter came up to me and i sat tehre with him and he turned it off and told me to get her out of tehre i didnt. alot of things happend after. he yelled i said no. ihe took my daughter away and put her in her room. she was screaming for me. i took the internet connection and he was mad. we got in anotehr argument he called me alot of nasty things. and i through the connection, he got even more mad. and i lost it. i flipped. i pulled up a chair and he told me to leave
he didnt want me tehre while while he watched it i siad to bad. i want to see what these sluts have that i dont. and he said im disgusting im a b)))) and way ,more mean hurtful things. then he pushed me and i fell outta the chair
i tyold him not to push me and i push his chest with my fingers, i tild him not to touch me and that he promised he wouldnt ever touch me again. tehn he got even more mad and he got physical.my daughter saw the whole abuse. the next morning i left.
while he was at work i packed up and was on my way on leaving to c.a. he called me on his way home and told me he was sorry and we needed to talk,. he had no idea i was leaving. then i told him. he got mad at first and then he got home. he was in tears and told me he was sorry he would never do it again. he will never look at another porn . never touch me again. no more phone calls. and i just couldnt believe him.... he was on his knees begged me and i left. and turned my phone off.
WRAP UP. told you it was long.. well over the next 8 months he did call hot lines and sex lines watched porn. he lied about it . he told me he wasnt. well it doesnt matter that much cuz i was gone i wasnt with him. but no since i got back, ive been here since nov. 09 and this month feb he got another sex add for sexy live local girls. NOw explain to me soemthing he hasnt gotten anything since ive been back and his phone records show te same hes been honest he hasent done anything no porn no women no sex lines nothing.
i asked y did this come he said IDK i ripped it up and threw it in the trash,. ive been kinda depressed teh past few days and hes noticed. he thinks it for that. it wsnt. its becasue of everything else. and tehn that poppe dup and it trigegred. everyting. so my question is. How do i get over it, he said hes changed and in a way he has. to a point. he is still mean in his ways of talking. he isnt as affectionet but he can work on that. Again we had an argument and he thought it was the paper. maybe it was what made me sadder but that wasnt it.
So agian how do i deal with this. thinking about what happend. im terrified about it happening again and about thim lying. It took me 4 years to find all this out he was that good. i trusted him that much thought it was me so i tried to be a better wife.. no matter what i did it wasnt good enough. he didnt want me. so why now? why does he want me now. and how do i trust him. im trying to save an argument but i cant stopp thinking. maybe he has another phone another bank account. see what i mean. How do i get over it and trust him. he said hes changed i came back to be with him becaue he cried all the time over the phone when iwas gone. and begged me back for 8 months.. said i was the only one for him. we were supose to be 2gether. and so im back but dealing with this anxiety. can you help???? I want to trust him i want to be a good wife . Help me
Going to give this some thought but good wives need good husbands and he doesn't sound like much of one.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
w.c i think he tries i really do he may just need some time.... And w.c he was sucha good man inm the beging. he thouht abbout me first and always. if i wasnt happy he wasnt. He use to sit by me all the time. hold my hand ask if he could kiss me. he would play with my hair. rub my back. and during sex it was long and pleasurable. he never asked for "anything" and he never said hurry up your taking to long. he loved me and i know he did. he said he changed becasue i was a b to him when i was pregers. 4 YEARS AGO. but regardless hes a good financial provider. sound like and greedy thing to say but im not the least bit. i just want to have a secure future for my daughter and myslef. he hasnt shut me out completely i just want connectrion with him anything. he slaps me on the and thats my contact for the day. or he sayd hey your boobs are huge.. iu just want him back my hubby. the one i didnt have to be in tears to hold me. or beg to hold my hand. or when i want to hug him or kiss or w.e he wont sigh. liek hes irratated. i just want him back . how?
His a*s + the curb = success
Seriously. I'm not completely sure why he would change like that.. if he's got emotional issues and freaked out because he thought he was getting to close.. if his thoughtful ways at the beginning of the relationship were just an act and now he feels like he doesn't need to try anymore.. But what he's engaging in with you is emotional abuse. He's blaming you for everything. You're the one with all the problems, he says, and you're the one that 'forced' him to act like this. Bull.
Even if you weren't always nice to him when you were pregnant, he should use his head and remember that pregnancy isn't a fun walk in the park to begin with and often your moods are the mercy of whatever your hormones are doing. He just needs to get over it and blame that for his behavior four years later.
You deserve much better than this abuse. Don't put up with it just because you're hoping that maybe, maybe some day he'll change again for the better or because you think you're doing your kids a favor. You're not. Just like you deserve better, they deserve a loving environment where mommy isn't crying and daddy isn't yelling at mommy and calling her names while watching porn.
Want your husband back?its so easy
Am the most happiest woman on earth today bcos my lost relationship is back..my childhood friend carolina snatced my boyfriend and have tried all i could to get my boyfriend back but all did not work out,i love him so much and i believe he loved me too...i cried all day and night and i dont know what to do until when a man was introduced to me online and i mailed him and i was lucky that he replied..he asked me so many questions and i aswered,,then he said i should pay a small amount of money and i send that to him after that he cast a spell for me which i dont believe it will work out in the first place...but he told me to go through it with faith and i did..u cant believe the second day..my boyfriend called me and apologise for what he had done and he bought a rose for me...the man is good when it comes to bringing back a lost relationship...have introduced many of my friends having thesame problem to him and they are all happy now in their relationships..if u have thesame problem or anything u seems it makes u sad most of the time u can mail this man (edit) i believe he will turn your tears to joy like mine...try this its not a joke.Thanks to him for making me happy
Last edited by CHANDLERS WISH; 02-09-2010 at 08:11 PM. Reason: Advertising is not allowed
so he calls and apologizes again. i told him why i was so upset again trying to hold back the tears. he told me he is sorry for making me sad. and that if he hasnt been there that hes going to try harder. i told him i came back for him and only him. that i love him and he promised me he would make it work. he said he would try and that he didnt think he was pushing me away. but that he does want to try harder. he said ive been making him mad lately because of comments i make about stupid things. and that he will try. he said he loves me and he is sorry again b4 he hung up...... do you think he means it? i want to trust hima nd let him close to me. i am just tired of cying and feeling sad. i havent checked any phone bills or statements. i am trying to trust him. but back to the pint at hand. How do i get over the past and move on. it hurts my heart how can i stop thinking about it? how do some of you women get over things of this stature.
Him throwing a tantrum and turning on the porn in front of you and your daughter in the middle of a fight speaks VOLUMES of his maturity level, and its LOW. I'm going to wager to guess that the two of you married fairly young?
Everyone has their line to draw as for what they consider disrespect and what they can compromise on. STARTING at another women in your presense = disrespect. I'm sure he wouldn't like it if you ignored him for another man and made him feel less than some other guy that doesn't even know you ... he shouldn't do that to you.
Porn in front of you when you are hurt = disrespect. Porn in front of your child for ANY reason = disrespect and a complete lack of maturity for not realizing how rediculous doing something like that is.
Meet singles in your area = disrespect, possible cheating? shopping around seeing whats out there?
Phone sex= interactive, sharing intimacy with a real live person and spending the family money to do so... depends on where you draw your line on emotional cheating, but i'd definitely call it that.
You deserve to feel respected, loved, to feel like you are special to the man you give so much of yourself to. Is he doing things that make you feel that way on a regular basis? If he is... eventually you will regain your trust. If he isn't... its going to be a lot harder when you have nothing positive to cling to other than memories of what things were like before you knew what he was doing.
You have to think about what you find acceptable, what think is okay with you, a compromise of sorts. You don't want to treat him like a child and say don't do this don't do that.... he'll do what he wants anyway. But search your own heart for what you'd be comfortable with and what hurts you and let him know how you feel.
For example if you are okay with porn, but not the phone lines, let him know. If you are okay with him noticing an attractive girl... but not staring in a way that disrespects you, let him know.
If you love him and want this to work you are going to have to let go of the hurt, but he's going to have to help you with that. You have to learn to talk to him without accusing and he has to learn to listen to you and try to understand how you feel.
It sounds like from what you said that he hasn't physically cheated on you, so you have that at least to hold on to. But don't let that be the only glue that makes you feel like sticking around. You should feel confident and comfortable, happy and safe... if he loves you, he should want to make you feel that way.
Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.
Unfortunately people are not who they are in a moment, but who they've been over the entire time you've known them. Based on your initial post and the things you've said, I honestly see no reason that you'd want to stick it out, at this point it wouldn't even be "leaving" on your part, it would be self-preservation for you and your daughter.Originally Posted by Lizzy girl
Don't assume that his behavior is due to something you did or didn't do (biggest and most common mistake) he is accountable for his actions, and while at some point he may have been hurt by how you were acting, that is no excuse in any way shape or form for the way he has treated you for the past few years. Honestly, if he want right back into his porn and phone sex lines and whatever, shortly after you got back, and after making the same promises about stopping, I honestly think you have your answer and you may be trying to salvage something that hasn't been there for some time.
Sorry to be so blunt, but I wouldn't want you to have to go through a repeat of what happened earlier last year.
I understand what you are saying. And he knows watching porn isnt acceptable. i concider it cheating. if u with hould from your wife to wacth porn and get off then it is cheating. phone of course cheating. he was actually intamate with another women over the phone. and thats not ok either. so i do think porn is cheating why do you need it when your married to a woman who will do absolutly anything in bed for you whenever you want? but no u choose porn instead. we even made videos but he didnt watch them he watched porn. so i know some women think its ok for a guy to watch it to each there own but it is cheating in way. phone sex cheating local lines cheating. but as i said b4 he hasnt done it again. he hasnt been physical since i came back. so he is doing alot better. i just need teh emotional part back. every one of my friends say im searching and hopi ng for something that isnt there. but i dont think thats true. would you walk out on you hubby or wife if they became an alcoholic or try to help first? i think hes trying i just need help not thinking about the past how can i do that
What is he doing to try to make it better?
Posting Permissions
Bookmarks