Love and Debt

**kygirl** · 02-11-2010 12:32 PM

Hi, My name is kygirl, and I am in debt...

Now, obviously I have law school debt, but I also have a lot of credit card debt. In the past 6 months I have managed to pay off $5,000 of it. I am putting every extra little bit I get lately towards getting it paid off...BUT I still have about $17,000....

Now I know it wasn't smart, but I had a lot of financial difficulties back fall of 2008 and put about $5,000 on there. I also went through a phase where I was down on love and life and well honestly just shopped a lot and put another $6,000ish...the other is from pre-law school...ANYWAY...

The new beau has some debt as well but VERY little...mainly school. I also have a car payment and owe about $8,000 on my car still. Don't get me wrong. I always pay extra, I'm never late, and my credit score is amazing.

BUT I don't know how to tell him... I know he's very anti-debt and we've only been together about a month and a half. Should I wait?? I know he's very anti-credit card debt and I kind of feel like I should explain myself...

OR should I just keep paying it down and then if it becomes pertinent later, then mention it??

I've learned how stupid it is...it was just a hard lesson for me to learn...

**Hopeless Dork** · 02-11-2010 12:35 PM

Until you guys decide to get married or otherwise enter in some financial venture together... its not really something you NEED to bring up. If he is concerned he'll ask you, then you would have to tell him the truth... but if he's not asking, its not something you need throw out there in the wind. Just do the best you can do, thats all any of us can do.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-11-2010 12:57 PM

kygirl... Why are you so simular to me everytime?

I have alot more than that, and serious choices to make to stay afloat but all taken mainly for business some 6 years ago, with no help from my ex-husband, in -fact he created 1/2 of it.

I have mentioned to my man that I have to obtain another job to assist, to try to maintain things, that my ex contributed to this situation and if I lose it all, well I can start again. His answer? " I have a room in my house"... PS: He forgot my two dogs and 1 cat which makes that impossible, haha.

The point being, I know it's only been a month but your serious with this guy, maybe as I'm older we look at it a bit differently, after all he's seperated and I haven't asked one question I assume the wife will try to take most of it.

Unless you could loose a house, business etc, in my opinion, a car even though it devalues is still an asset. So, that debt is not a problem. The Credit Cards, well your working hard at paying it off and doing it well, and it will be gone in 12 months, your not a risk and it was before you both met. I don't see the necessity to bring it up. If you were together 12 months and talking marriage and savings and purchasing a house etc, sure, then you would discuss what your debts are monthly and what you can afford to save, right now? Nup... No need sweet.

**kygirl** · 02-11-2010 01:13 PM

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

kygirl... Why are you so simular to me everytime?

We must be kindred spirits

Hopefully that is a good sign that things will continue to improve and go well for both of us.

Thanks CW

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-11-2010 01:14 PM

Positive attitude

And we both have that so we'll be right

**Texinator** · 02-11-2010 01:25 PM

Originally Posted by kygirl

I've learned how stupid it is...it was just a hard lesson for me to learn...

But you've learned your lesson, and that's the important part. The kygirl today isn't the same kygirl that went on a $6,000 shopping spree. The kygirl today is busy trying to pay off her debts.

It doesn't really matter anyway. Your finances aren't his concern, at least not at this point.

**Sweetest Love** · 02-11-2010 01:26 PM

I agree with both Dork and CW. Why bring it up now. Unless he specifically ask you are for some reason it is brought up, I wouldn't bring it up.

**newhere808** · 02-11-2010 02:23 PM

Considering that your debt is under control, I don't see any point in bringing it up, not until your relationship is a lot more serious.

If you were still spending like crazy and diggin yoursefl further and further into debt, then yea, that is something he may wish to know before getting much closer with you, but it's pretty hard to expect any adult, especially one who put themselves through school, to have no/little debt.

**kygirl** · 02-12-2010 08:11 AM

Originally Posted by Tex

But you've learned your lesson, and that's the important part. The kygirl today isn't the same kygirl that went on a $6,000 shopping spree. The kygirl today is busy trying to pay off her debts.

It doesn't really matter anyway. Your finances aren't his concern, at least not at this point.

Exactly. I mean, I realize the importance of living within my means now and also that shopping is not going to make me feel better or somehow fix whatever issues I have at the moment.

I guess I just know that as some point, he's going to find out regardless because he's gonig to figure out that I am making way more than I spending and it's going somewhere. I mean, I'd rather have it all (or almost) paid off before it comes up, but it can definitely wait a couple months before I start thinking about mentioning it

**pretzel** · 02-12-2010 08:27 AM

Well, if the point comes where he has the right to question how you spend your money, just tell him the truth.

There was a point in time where for reasons that are really none of you concern at this time, I had more debt than I wished I had and now I'm using as much money as I can to get it paid down.

End of discussion. And if you don't want to tell him the details, don't.