Is my boyfriend bisexual/gay or transvestite?

**Branwen** · 02-16-2010 04:25 PM

Hi,
I need help to figure out my new boyfriend's sexuality and where our relationship is heading. We have been together for three months now (mostly for dinners at his house) and have enjoyed having sex a lot. He is not willing to discuss his feelings towards me yet but he has changed our dating patterns from weekdays to weekends now with some outings, specially last February 14th.
My concern is our sex life and how this is going to shape our future relationship and his fantasies, which I am becoming a little bit scared. His home habits: he usually downloads lots of XXX movies, many of them gay porn. He wants me to perfom anal sex on him and also kissing his anus...(besides penetrating me of course). He also mentioned some of his fantasies: that he would like to see me with another man and that same man perform anal sex on him as well, or that he fantasizes with wearing intimate women's clothing such as a bra and panties. Also, he fantasizes about me urinating on him and things like that. Well, he also fantasizes about me being kissed and having sex with other women...I am not very much into fantasies myself except the classical "I am having sex with two or three guys" ...so I am not sure what to think anymore or how far he could get with all of this. Is this because he is getting bored with our sex life?
Does he really want to make this all come true? I asked him if he had tried having sex with another man once and he did not say anything. So I asked again and he still did not answer. I stopped asking then.
So, am I with a gay or bisexual or a transvestite? What should I do at this point? many thanks.

**rcoreyus** · 02-16-2010 05:47 PM

The labels don't matter. It sounds like he enjoys receptive anal, gay porn, you with other men, cross dressing etc. There is nothing wrong with any of that - but it may not be compatible with your desires.

If you like that sort of thing, then great - what you do in privacy is absolutely your business - and its great to enjoy interesting sex.

If you don't like it, then you may have a problem with a long term relationship. You may always feel pressured to do things you don't like and he may constantly feel he isn't getting what he wants. Some people are simply not compatible sexually - not anyone's fault.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-16-2010 06:04 PM

I agree with rcoreyus, the label doesn't matter, the fact he doesn't answer and based on his "honesty" to you as to what his fantasies are, your choice is to decide if those fantasies are yours as well, therefore you are compatible or whether they are not, in which case, this relationship is doomed to fail.

Better now than later as you haven't gone to far into the relationship.

CW

**Hopeless Dork** · 02-16-2010 10:00 PM

He sounds like a guy that has absorbed WAYYYY too much internet PR0N... its one thing to want to indulge in fantasy play -- but he sounds like he is sexually attention deficit. Unless you are equally insatiable fantasy-wise, this is going to lead to nothing but heartache for you.

If you are open to an open relationship, if you enjoy sexual high risk adventure and want to see it touch it taste it all, then this is the guy for you.... but if he wants to bring in other people, if he wants everything under the sun and it just isn't your speed... walk away , no, run away, before you get any more emotionally attached.

**SinisterUrge** · 02-17-2010 06:18 AM

Originally Posted by Branwen

He wants me to perfom anal sex on him and also kissing his anus...

this is actually a lot of fun. If you've never had your salad tossed you are missing out.

Otherwise my opinion is that your BF is bisexual (nothing wrong with that I suppose) and a total freak in the sack. If these things do not appeal to you... well it may be time to call things off.

Once you've had rocky road, rainbow sherbert, and mint chip its hard to go back to vanilla. (Using my patented 'ice cream varieties as euphemisms for sexual activities')

**Branwen** · 02-17-2010 01:27 PM

Many thanks to all of you!!

yes, I enjoy performing anal sex on him (with kissing included) a lot actually since he is really cute down there, I have never seen and felt anybody like that before... it's true I love his butt...besides whatever else he has upfront

and I think it will be difficult to start all over again since I enjoy this type of sex with him...
but now I'm worried about his transvestite fantasies (wearing my bra and panties) which I said to him "they don't fit you" , anyways, people say fantasies are fantasies and may not be enjoyable if they come true...about gay porn, I am not into it myself, it just reminds me of his butt actually (which I love kissing) it serves that purpose only...
I'll see how far we get into this relationship...I may have to talk to him about this some time soon. May be they are just fantasies...and they do not have to come all true. May be he tried things before and they were not pleasurable when they came true...I'll have to talk to him I guess. Thanks!

**rcoreyus** · 02-17-2010 05:04 PM

OK, lets say he is Bi - would that matter to you. Being Bi doesn't give him the right to sleep with other men when he is in a monogamous relationship with you. Is his being attracted to other men any different from his being attracted to other women (which you probably always assumed he was).

**Branwen** · 02-18-2010 07:44 AM

" lets say he is Bi - would that matter to you. Being Bi doesn't give him the right to sleep with other men when he is in a monogamous relationship with you. Is his being attracted to other men any different from his being attracted to other women (which you probably always assumed he was)."

hi, his sexuality is really new to me. I have always been involved with straight guys (the ones who liked to have sex the regular way), guys with sexual disfunctions and lots of weird fantasies, guys who liked other women too, guys who just wanted to have sex "the usual way" may be while watching some porn movie with straight people...but this one, well, I have to find out more about how involved is he with guys or with a particular guy, or if this was something that belongs to the past, that's why he did not answer my question of whether he tried with men. He likes penetrating me a lot and I enjoy that too and holding me, kissing, touching and the like but I always notice he enjoys having me dedicate most of my time to his butt! too. and now the discovery of his gay porn movies...is something new to me too.
well, I have feelings for him and I think he feels the same towards me...but I need to find out more about how involved was he or is he with other guys...may be his is reassessing his sexuality with me I don't know...

**calamity** · 02-18-2010 10:19 PM

"I'm worried about his transvestite fantasies (wearing my bra and panties)"

I don't think this alone, classifies anyone as being a transvestite. Maybe a crossdresser. Many cd's are totally straight.

Some of the other things you mentioned would make me wonder though.