How can i make him feel good and believe and trust in me again?

**deepblue** · 02-16-2010 08:57 PM

Me and my bf had a big argued last night, that is about the old things as we had talked before and we understand each other, but he started again... first i thought he just kidding on me but No,. He asked me again about the man in the past as i have sex before. First i lied to him as i have 7 men becoz i thought that he was going to thing that i have more experience for sex because he is the one that sex is very important for him. But thats wrong...!!! he very angry and he really want to know the truth. I told him i am sorry i lied to you and i told the reason why i lied and i told him the truth as i had just two men but he needed to know just the first guy who had sex with me... i dont know why... and i told him the second guy but he didnt listen to me... thats the cause of argue yesterday.... he talked about that again... i said we already talked and i told you the truth there were two men thats all, but he said i didnt tell him and he got angry very mad, im very scared... he thought that he is not special for me he just like other guy but he took me.... He is not me he doesnt know what am i thinking, he refused to listen to me until now he said he cant believe or trust anything as i say... i didnt care me... he didnt listen to me anymore. i want to explain to him tried many times but he always thinking that i am lie again, i said i didnt lie again the truth i already told but he didnt listen to me....
what should i do i want him to change his mind and everything be the same... i want him listen as i didnt lie again, can someone help me please...........

**WildChild** · 02-16-2010 09:13 PM

What ever you did before you started going with him is none of his business. If he can't handle it the best thing you can do is leave. It won't get better.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-17-2010 12:36 AM

Well sweet, actually technically If I read this right, you did actually have (7) men but told him only (2)?

As WC said, it's none of his business of your past, but it is a problem if you lie because you always get caught out.

I imagine he wanted to know in reality "how" you lost your virginity, was it to a boyfriend, or to a one night stand.

To see your "Morals". But the bottom line is we can change as well our thought patterns as everyone makes mistakes.

I think he's being old fashioned. He accepted you as his girlfriend knowing that you had, had sex before.. He doesn't have the right to quiz you, bombard you and be upset with you.

CW

**newhere808** · 02-17-2010 01:44 AM

Originally Posted by WildChild

What ever you did before you started going with him is none of his business. If he can't handle it the best thing you can do is leave. It won't get better.

While I agree that it is her business and hers alone, there are actually people out there, guys and girls, that care about their partners sexual history. Now if this is something that a couple can't agree on then they shouldn't move forward, lying about it is not the answer, lying about anything is not the answer.

If a person in a relationship feels that something is not the other persons business, then they should tell them as much, not lie to them about it. Lying about it will more than likely make it more of a prglem then it ever needed to be.

**deepblue** · 02-17-2010 06:02 AM

i just lied the first time to him... and i felt very bad and cant stand be like that anymore then i told him the truth... but he didnt believe me, my bf is 50 yrs... maybe he thought that he is not the first for me and he said he just seems like the other nothing special... But i said "NO" he didnt listen to me anymore. i wanna tell him that the past it means the past, it doesnt mean anything for me in the present or my future But he is my present and future.. should i told him like this....

**OhThereYouAre** · 02-18-2010 07:25 AM

Originally Posted by WildChild

What ever you did before you started going with him is none of his business. If he can't handle it the best thing you can do is leave. It won't get better.

While this may be true, she could have told him that, or simply stated that she didn't want to talk about it.

Communication.

Seems we only like it when it is convenient for our purposes.

OP....it may take him a while before he trusts you again. Do your best to stay true...white lies are lies too.

If we only participate in things we are proud of, we'll never have a reason to lie....ever.

Good luck.

**deepblue** · 02-20-2010 12:22 AM

we talked again together... he said he loved me very much and i am a special woman for him, but he not sure that he can get over that or not.... every night he is still be sad... and cant sleep very well. He said give him sometime to get over it. Now i thought that i gonna write contract of love for him on his birthday next Tuesday... can someone give me some ideas for pattern or whatever you can. As my opinion, i gonna write about my feeling to him and i need someone give me suggestion about that.

THanks!!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-20-2010 12:32 AM

For members, it may be worth having a read of Deepblue's other thread to get a better understanding.

http://www.womens-health.com/boards/...wondering.html

If we only participate in things we are proud of, we'll never have a reason to lie....ever.

It's fair to say also that we are born to learn, therefore, make mistakes..

Deepblue, reading again your other Thread.

Your in your early 20's he's 50. Your not sure if you should trust him, he's claiming to have sex with other women but they don't mean anything or else he's saying he's not having sex with them but paying for their Tuition.

HE'S PLAYING MIND GAMES.. In my opinion to strengthen your love for him, so that you stay, and maybe, they are getting the same treatment so that they stay.

I didn't re-read the whole thread but I think I asked you if he paid for your tuition and I suspect that is what happened.

There are all sorts of deviates in this world and I think that your first gut feeling was correct, don't trust him.. He is not yours he belongs to everyone for his own pleasure, please take this the right way.

It's easy to be told " I love you" and feel that you want to profess yours back because you have a bond of sorts but this man to me, seems to be, doing the non trust himself, covering his tracks, telling you he doesn't trust you, asking how many men you have slept with, telling you he is not sure to be with you, then telling you he loves you, see the game?

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but that's what I read.

Why not tell us why you feel you love him and why you feel that you can put up with what he has told you he is doing?

What is keeping you there?

CW

**deepblue** · 02-20-2010 04:33 AM

Thats ok CW, thanks for your post... you make me understand something. But you know i really love him, its really hard to understand.

Sometimes, i feel like im a stupid woman on earth... but i want to prove that i really love him but he shouldn't worry or thinking to much about my past... that it doesn't mean anyth for me. I do love him very much.......its really hard for me to pack my things and i leave, i gonna hurt too much. i really care him and love him.

Am i stupid right?? as i still be with him.... But 'LOVE' for me is that i scarified myself to him... like he had said that to me and he did that. Now, i really love him complete of my heart...

Any ideas??

**sourpuss** · 02-20-2010 11:14 AM

Originally Posted by WildChild

What ever you did before you started going with him is none of his business. If he can't handle it the best thing you can do is leave. It won't get better.

I could not agree more. None of his business AT ALL! And you certainly shouldn't feel any shame or guilt either way. If he can't handle that you've had sex before then he needs to go find a virgin and you need to find someone who loves and respects you for you and also respects your privacy.