Proper response to aging??

**kygirl** · 02-17-2010 06:50 AM

So the beau and I were talking last night and he mentioned that he noticed little things about himself that secure the fact that he is getting older (he's in his early 30s so things are just now really starting). I am in my late 20s so I understand the beginnings of small wrinkles, the effects of gravity... ahhh joy

This got me thinking about what you like to hear or what you tell your spouse/SO when they ask things like "would you still find me as attractive if I were bald? Or am I starting to look old? Should I lose some weight?"

I have thought about this to some extent because I realize if things continue, that he will definitely lose all the hair on the top part of his head in the next 7-8 years... I do think I would still find him attractive though because most of his attraction to me goes way beyond the hair on his head...

So what do you say to people to make them feel better about aging but also so it doesn't sound so "fake"?

**pretzel** · 02-17-2010 06:57 AM

Originally Posted by kygirl

So the beau and I were talking last night and he mentioned that he noticed little things about himself that secure the fact that he is getting older (he's in his early 30s so things are just now really starting). I am in my late 20s so I understand the beginnings of small wrinkles, the effects of gravity... ahhh joy

This got me thinking about what you like to hear or what you tell your spouse/SO when they ask things like "would you still find me as attractive if I were bald? Or am I starting to look old? Should I lose some weight?"

I have thought about this to some extent because I realize if things continue, that he will definitely lose all the hair on the top part of his head in the next 7-8 years... I do think I would still find him attractive though because most of his attraction to me goes way beyond the hair on his head...

So what do you say to people to make them feel better about aging but also so it doesn't sound so "fake"?

Ok, let me get out of my rocker for a minute.

Age is a number only.

It's how you feel about yourself and your partner.

**kygirl** · 02-17-2010 07:04 AM

Originally Posted by pretzel

Ok, let me get out of my rocker for a minute.

Age is a number only.

It's how you feel about yourself and your partner.

ha ha... I don't disagree. Honestly I think I feel better about myself now than I did 10 years ago.

I guess I just don't know how to truly respond to those kind of things in passing. I know everyone needs reassurance, and really it doesn't matter to me that he's going to lose his hair as much as it matters to him. So I want to be delicate and respectful of the fact that it's going to be different for him while also conveying that I would still care about him anyway.

I've said that when he's asked kind of jokingly, but I want to be sure that I am being reassuring

**KMonte85** · 02-17-2010 07:08 AM

I would say something along the lines as you're only as old as you feel....

Take for example Betty White. She's (forgive me for being rude) pretty ANCIENT. But her career is taking off and people of all ages LOVE her. Why? Because she acts like a vibrant, young, full of life 20-something! AND IT SHOWS...

If you act old, you will be old. The looks you have no control over, but if you're young at heart, others won't even notice the gray hair and wrinkles - they're too busy paying attention to your words and gravitating towards your positive energy to care about aesthetics.

**kygirl** · 02-17-2010 07:12 AM

Originally Posted by KMonte85

I would say something along the lines as you're only as old as you feel....

Take for example Betty White. She's (forgive me for being rude) pretty ANCIENT. But her career is taking off and people of all ages LOVE her. Why? Because she acts like a vibrant, young, full of life 20-something! AND IT SHOWS...

If you act old, you will be old. The looks you have no control over, but if you're young at heart, others won't even notice the gray hair and wrinkles - they're too busy paying attention to your words and gravitating towards your positive energy to care about aesthetics.

Thanks KM... That's kind of my attitude about it... You can fight it, but there is only so much you can do to fight Mother Nature

The silly thing to me (although I wouldn't use the word "silly" because it's how he feels), is that he's only 4 years older than me. I've dated lots of guys that were 4-6 years older than me and some that were 8-11 years older. I think he's worried that he's going to get old and I'm not going to find him attractive because I'm so "young"?

I don't thinks he's extremely worried about aging yet, but I just want to make sure I'm saying nice things because I don't see the big deal really. In my opinion if you care about someone, you do so for who they are deep down, not because you think they're gonna look 20 for the rest of their lives.

**KMonte85** · 02-17-2010 07:37 AM

It's tough to try and make someone feel better about themselves when they see that their youthful looks are starting to fade a bit...

Just reassuring him that you're attracted to his shining personality - and as long as that doesn't go away with his youth - all will be well...

And of course, if he's still sort of self conscious about getting older and what that will do to his looks, you can mention that it is not uncommon for men to become MORE attractive as they get older, hair or no hair. Example - Sean Connery.. gray, bald, crows feet, but still quite lovely to look at. or you also have George Clooney, the silver fox, who keeps getting better looking with age.

Just because you get older doesn't mean you're going to seed.... lol

**WildChild** · 02-17-2010 07:39 AM

I'm over 50, I do things a lot of women half my age don't. Anyone care to climb a fence? I no longer really care much what people think of how I look or act.

Although I am very much aware what is appropriate behavior for situations or places.

With all due respect, I sincerely hope Betty White does not act like 20 something, she is a vibrant, active 88 yr old, who has a 65 + year career. Her career is by no means just taking off, she was probably well known when your grandparents were kids.

It is wonderful that she is still hard at it, and makes her a role model for many women of all ages.

But it is true that attitude is huge. At my 30 yr reunion, where we were all within a year's span in age, there were some who are very much in their prime and others who were older than my grandparents ever were (they died in their 90s) and a few who never matured past HS. Seriously, looking at that room full of people you would have guessed some were the grandparents straight out of "Father Knows Best" and others were teens who had some sort of weird aging disorder. It was interesting. Most were still active, vital, involved people. You can't sit on the sidelines on let life pass you by if you want to stay young at heart.

The trick is to mature, rather than age.

**KMonte85** · 02-17-2010 07:39 AM

Another example: Clark Gable

Jeez, guys should be HAPPY about getting older. They seem to get more distinguished looking with age.

**KMonte85** · 02-17-2010 07:46 AM

Originally Posted by WildChild

With all due respect, I sincerely hope Betty White does not act like 20 something, she is a vibrant, active 88 yr old, who has a 65 + year career. Her career is by no means just taking off, she was probably well known when your grandparents were kids.

It is wonderful that she is still hard at it, and makes her a role model for many women of all ages.

Sorry, maybe I didn't clarify myself! Let me try to explain better with the Betty White example...

When I said she acted like a 20-something, I didn't mean the immaturity aspect of that age.. I was more refering to the bubbliness, and her quip.

Sure she has been a vibrant actress for 30 plus years. I guess she's most known for her work with the Mary Tyler Moore show and of course Golden Girls. She's done many great things, won emmys.. but after Golden Girls, she really did not have an active career. Now you are seeing her everywhere - she's become a pop icon to an entirely new generation. She's just received her SAG award, she's in the works to host SNL, she costarred in a blockbuster film, she's white-hot again (pun intended) at the age of 88.

And do people thing "OMG what is that old lady doing being on TV, when most young actresses are cast aside by age 35?" No, they love her attitude, they love her personality, they love that she's cheeky and fun, and so not what a stereotypical 88 year old woman is. And that is her appeal!

That is what I was trying to get at with my comment... that her personality shines so brightly that no one cares or even really notices that she is 88 years old.

**SinisterUrge** · 02-17-2010 07:46 AM

Originally Posted by kygirl

I have thought about this to some extent because I realize if things continue, that he will definitely lose all the hair on the top part of his head in the next 7-8 years... I do think I would still find him attractive though because most of his attraction to me goes way beyond the hair on his head...

bah! Men needing hair to be attractive is such an easily dispelled myth that I'm surprised its still a concern. Even men with hair will often shave it off and still manage to have sex.

I present this short list of bald men who don't often go to bed alone: Bruce Willis, Ving Rhames, Chuck Liddell, Andre Agassi, Taye Diggs, Chris Daughtry, Vin Diesel, Patrick Stewart (Going on 70 and still retains a cult following. I suspect the accent helps). Just to name a few that most Americans would be familiar with.

It would appear that people (in general) are more concerned with the size of a man's spare tire than the space his hairline no longer covers. Plus regular exercise boosts your libido and is a generally very healthy lifestyle to have.