Need help with relationship situation!

**Demanding penguin** · 02-19-2010 07:52 AM

So its like this, couple weeks ago, me and my girlfriend broke up. It took a couple days to get over her... She cheated, it wasn't that hard.
Anyway, two days ago, I was having all of my friends help me look for someone else. I thought I found someone, but before doing anything, I asked my closest friend (who is a girl). She said no, don't go for her, she finally told me why she didn't want anyone else to like me because she does herself...
But she Has a boyfriend.

She has been wanting to end her relationship with him for a while, not only because of me. So her and I have talked about this for a while with her, and she decided to break up with him. The only problem is, we're all friends. We have a lot of the same friends too( now you see the problem). Her current boyfriend has told her, that when he goes away this summer, he wants to break up, because he has a lot of girls that he's interested in that he goes away with. Of course, she did not take this well; this was the last straw. We've just come to tell each other that we have liked each other since the first day we've met.

So the real question is how do I date her and still keep my friends? Both are very important to me. What do you guys think their reactions would be? I am very close with all of them.

Please help, thanks

**WildChild** · 02-19-2010 08:01 AM

You just came off one rollercoaster and it sounds like you are jumping on to another. Why not give yourself some time to breathe and just be on your own and single for a few months?

**pretzel** · 02-19-2010 08:03 AM

Originally Posted by Demanding penguin

So its like this, couple weeks ago, me and my girlfriend broke up. It took a couple days to get over her... She cheated, it wasn't that hard.
Anyway, two days ago, I was having all of my friends help me look for someone else. I thought I found someone, but before doing anything, I asked my closest friend (who is a girl). She said no, don't go for her, she finally told me why she didn't want anyone else to like me because she does herself...
But she Has a boyfriend.

She has been wanting to end her relationship with him for a while, not only because of me. So her and I have talked about this for a while with her, and she decided to break up with him. The only problem is, we're all friends. We have a lot of the same friends too( now you see the problem). Her current boyfriend has told her, that when he goes away this summer, he wants to break up, because he has a lot of girls that he's interested in that he goes away with. Of course, she did not take this well; this was the last straw. We've just come to tell each other that we have liked each other since the first day we've met.

So the real question is how do I date her and still keep my friends? Both are very important to me. What do you guys think their reactions would be? I am very close with all of them.

Please help, thanks

Let me see if I have the players right?

You're unattached.

Friend is currently with someone, she want to end it. Her boyfriend wants to end it when he goes away.

Why is she mad. Seems like a mutual breakup from what I read. Timing?

If all the breakups are mutual, why should there be issues amongst the 3 of you?

**Demanding penguin** · 02-19-2010 08:15 AM

Originally Posted by WildChild

You just came off one rollercoaster and it sounds like you are jumping on to another. Why not give yourself some time to breathe and just be on your own and single for a few months?

I know it might sound like I just don't want to be alone or something, but believe me, I've thought about this very hard. Even when i was with my last girlfriend, I really saw myself with the new girl. I do plan on waiting for a little, but I dont see it as completely necessary.

Originally Posted by pretzel

Let me see if I have the players right?

You're unattached.

Friend is currently with someone, she want to end it. Her boyfriend wants to end it when he goes away.

Why is she mad. Seems like a mutual breakup from what I read. Timing?

If all the breakups are mutual, why should there be issues amongst the 3 of you?

Well, she's not mad at anyone. I just think her current boyfriend might feel weird, or our relationship might change a little. Or is this just me?

What I'm most worried about is our friends finding out, and hearing what they think. Not that its going to change my feeling toward the girl, but it would still be helpful if they were supportive of the situation.

**OhThereYouAre** · 02-19-2010 08:24 AM

Here's the thing...i'm guessing you're younger....correct me if i'm wrong.

Your friends will likely be around for a very long time....a girlfriend you have in your teens most likely won't.

You must carefully decide who or whom is more important to you at this stage in the game.

I'd say your friends...there are so many more fish in the sea. But that is just me.

Good luck.

**sourpuss** · 02-19-2010 08:41 AM

Originally Posted by WildChild

You just came off one rollercoaster and it sounds like you are jumping on to another. Why not give yourself some time to breathe and just be on your own and single for a few months?

seconded

**Demanding penguin** · 02-19-2010 09:07 AM

Originally Posted by OhThereYouAre

Here's the thing...i'm guessing you're younger....correct me if i'm wrong.

Your friends will likely be around for a very long time....a girlfriend you have in your teens most likely won't.

You must carefully decide who or whom is more important to you at this stage in the game.

I'd say your friends...there are so many more fish in the sea. But that is just me.

Good luck.

I've thought about that too, her and I have talked about that too. She's already decided to leave him for me though. We're just trying to find out how long we may have to wait, or how we should tell our friends what is happening.
Any Ideas?

thanks

**sourpuss** · 02-19-2010 09:18 AM

I think you should both stay single and be friends for a while and see where it goes in a few months. Just my opinion.

**KMonte85** · 02-19-2010 10:14 AM

Originally Posted by Demanding penguin

I know it might sound like I just don't want to be alone or something, but believe me, I've thought about this very hard. Even when i was with my last girlfriend, I really saw myself with the new girl. I do plan on waiting for a little, but I dont see it as completely necessary.

DP, I don't want to call you out here, but please take a look at what you were writing in your post about your now ex girlfriend.

http://www.womens-health.com/boards/...ip-please.html

You mention how much you care for her, want to change to make her happy, are thinking about your future together, thinking about getting a house with her.
Basically that you couldn't live life happily without her and were devastated by the break.

Now you say even when you were with her you saw yourself with your friend. So what's the deal? You seem to be quite conflicted about your feelings towards both of these girls, and something's gotta give. I worry that you are going to lose out on a great friendship because you aren't taking the time to be single and sort through your feelings.

It is not fair to you, your friend, or your friendship together if you don't take the time to sit back and reflect on why you can love someone so deeply at one time and about 2 weeks later be head over heels for someone else. By not doing so, you are going to ruin the relationship with someone who is now a great friend to you.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-19-2010 02:56 PM

See, I see things a little different here.

Your ex-girlfriend cheated on you so your over it, like immediately and re-bounding real quick, to a woman who is also "emotionally" cheating on her boyfriend, finding a way to be with you.

So your going from one cheater to another.

Take time out... and think on this one.