Don't know my Place/Best Friend's Behavior-Marriage
My Best Friend since middle school has been cheating on her husband for 2 years. The married man she was dating finally dumped her as my friend was putting pressure on him to see her more and more. My friend is married and has 2 kids, he has kids as well. She is now very depressed as a result. When I try to talk to her about it she will tell me her marriage is Perfect and her husband is the perfect person for her. When she said this I was just floored. Really?? You have the perfect marriage and you cheated for 2 years?? Her husband is actually a great guy but I do not think they make a great couple. He did not seem to be her type from the get go but she was happy and now 12 years later here we are. She is constantly telling me about other hot men in the area and seems very disinterested. She picks fights with him and treats him badly. She calls me constantly but its hard for me to talk all the time. I am happily married and I do make time for others but at night me and hubby like to spend alone time. I have kids and need a break at the end of the day. Plus all her depressing talk and talking about the exboyfriend is not interesting to me. My husband says I am not being honest with her about what she is doing and did, I say I can only say so much. I feel odd with it and I also feel we no longer have much in common. Any thoughts?? I hate to sound judgemental but I am at the end of my rope with it.
You're not being judgemental. You're being mature. Just tell her straight up that you think her behavior is wrong and it makes you uncomfortable. You really don't have anything to lose, she's a negative influence on your life and if she decides to dump you as a friend for telling her what she needs to hear then no big loss to you.
If she's such a good friend, she should take your feelings into consideration.
You said it very maturely. It makes YOU uncomfortable. YOU find it wrong. I don't see you yelling at her and telling her to stop cheating or to make her marriage work ... you just don't want to be the one in the middle of it.
Try changing the subject the next time she talks about the ex. If she doesn't take the hint, be direct - tell her again that the subject makes you uncomfortable and if her morals don't align with yours, you should just stay away from the subject.
made one wish for a permanent kiss that would echo through these bones like arsenic
Women are female (adj,) but not females (n.) We aren't dogs.
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Originally Posted by Little
The part for me that is not good is we do not have similar morals. I want and need people in my life that I can trust and get along with. If she did this with her marriage how trustable is she as a friend really? I honestly want to distant myself from her, I think for me she is not the kind of friend I need and want in my life. I know good friends are hard to find but what is the point of having ones you can't trust or agree with? I think she is a negative influence PLUS she has another friend that won't call her back for almost 2 years I bet this is the reason.
Last edited by WhatcanIsay; 02-21-2010 at 08:19 AM.
Morals play a heavy part in who you associate with and who you don't associate with.
I know that I couldn't hang about with someone who had no morals, because that's not the way I believe.
I've severed friendships over this myself. It may sound cruel but Morals are important to me, I won't judge the person, it's their choice in life, absolutely, but I don't have to associate with them.
Same for negative people. If you surround yourself with negativity are you not going to think like that yourself? Become negative yourself? Yet, if you surround yourself with positive people naturally, you are going to feel positive and think positive.
Again, that's a choice.
You have to make your own decision if your feeling that you can not fathom this then you can't.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
If she does that to her husband, I don't think she'll think twice about treating you in a similar manner should the opportunity arise.
You aren't doing yourself a disservice by distancing yourself from her and her dramatic situation.
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