Thread: Sick of their self-inflicted problems.

So yet another friend issue! Sometimes I think being friends with my cat would eliminate 85% of the irritants in my life...

My bf and I are very close with another couple, we've been friends for nearly a decade, but they're starting to bug me about their money troubles...She went to college and has been unemployed, working odd jobs, for nearly 2 years. HeHe has a steady factory job that they live off of, subsidized by her monthly unemployment check.

Every time I hang out with them, they're main topic of interest is talking about how broke they are. How they would love to travel, or do this, or buy that, or go here - but they can't. Because they're broke and the bills keep racking up and they're getting further into debt. Any time I or my boyfriend talk about anything that costs money (even if its a minute amount), - the response is "Must be nice, wish we could do something like that. but we're broke."


Makes total sense! They're strapped for cash, so obviously it is a big concern and something that is forefront in their minds. So sure, they will want to talk about it to their friends, they want moral support, and they want to vent about the anxieties they feel when the bills show up and there's not enough money in the bank. That's scary, and totally legit! I get that!

Herein lies my problem. This couple has some of the WORST spending habits of anyone I know (and I know some spendy people....). They just bough matching blackberry phones that require a huge plan costing over $1000/year. When their truck's transmission blew, they had it replaced - but with a tranny meant for a 1/2ton diesel, which cost thousands more than if they replaced the standard tranny. They are on several different sports leagues that cost more than $20 a week EACH to participate in. They eat out almost every day. They have every household appliance in the book in their apartment, 2 outdoor grills, a smokehouse, 3 lawnmowers, a boat, a camper... Ok, you get the idea -the list goes on and on and on.

I studied finance, but anyone with common sense knows how stupid they're being. I know that if they lived within their means they would be FINE financially, be able to pay bills on time, get themselves out of debt, and get a well cushioned savings plan in order. So I get frustrated when they complain about being broke, and make jealous comments when I talk about things I do that cost money (like my kickboxing class, or my recent trip to Toledo).

I just want to shake them and make them see that they buy and spend so much more than they have! That the they're getting is worthless compared to the damage they are doing to their credit if they ever want to buy a home or send a future child to college...

I'm having trouble being a supportive friend. Do I say something to them about their habits? I don't want to be a financial advisor, although they need help, but they're not very receptive to these sorts of suggestions. I've hinted in the past, and they take it as criticism - I get a snippy response that in essence tells me i'm living the good life, don't understand, and need to mind my own beeswax. So then, I keep my mouth shut. But I still have to listen to the complaining about money problems, because that is what they want to talk about... How then should I tell them, tactfully, that I don't want to hear it because its self inflicted and they're not doing anything to change their circumstance?

I don't think it goes so far as not being friends with them anymore.. but I've got to do something because it is becoming a point of contention for me when we spend time together. I'm biting my tongue so much I'm afraid I'll bite it off pretty soon!