My boyfriend told me he is bisexual.

**Van** · 02-20-2010 07:04 PM

Yesterday my boyfriend told me he was bisexual. I'm not going to lie, I was upset and still am. I couldn't even kiss him goodbye or give a simple hug. I had always wondered about his sexual orientation but ignored it.
He said that he can see himself in a relationship with a man because he can be emotionally attracted to one.
He soon went on to say he would never have sex with a man because of the fact that he doesn't like the idea. I asked him about oral sex and he simply replied " I've never done it before so I can't say I would, though the idea of another mans sperm in my mouth freak me out" His words not mine.
He went on to say that there's sexual attraction, physical attraction, emotional attration, etc. He said that for men he only had emotional. He also got into details about a woman's body and the fact that he prefers that over a mans.

I said I wanted time off and he said he couldn't see his life without me and began to get very upset. I said I would think about staying with him. I love him so much but I know because of knowing this I'm always going to be afraid of whether or not he's going to be curious. He's text ed me a dozen times saying hes sorry and that he wants to stay with me and that he doesn't see himself being with anyone else in this life. Also to add that he and I are both 19.

Someone please just talk to me about this. I'm afraid to go to any of my friends and when my mother found out, she freaked out.
I just want to have another opinion. Do you think he's actually bisexual or bi curious. Should I stay with him despite this or not? What would you do? Someone just please talk to me about this.

**LanaBear** · 02-21-2010 10:27 AM

Sweetie - of course this would be a shock to you, but do a search and read some other threads. There is some very good advice.

You've got to dig deep and find out if you can handle the news so that it doesn't cause problems in your relationship. Just because he is bi or bi curious, doesn't mean that he can't be 100% faithful to you.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-21-2010 02:32 PM

It takes a brave person and one who knows how to communicate and one who has strong feelings for someone to discuss this with you, as he did..

Don't shut him out sweet... If it's not what you are comfortable with then that will be your answer, but he's been a great friend as well to you I imagine.

It would have been his fear to tell you and gain that reaction, be there at least as a friend for now whilst you find answers and make your own decision.

As Lana stated, it certainly doesn't mean that he won't be faithful to you and he may be confused himself, he may have had an "emotional" attachment to his Father for instance, and has this bond with men for that reason and is confused, after all he has clearly indicated that he can't see himself, with a man sexually, physically..

Talk to him again about it it, one on one and ask him what he feels emotionally and how this maybe connected with a male role model in his past and what it is he loves about you.

CW

**stressed** · 02-21-2010 10:55 PM

It is a very good sign that he told you this. It shows that he's not afraid to express himself and he feels confident about it. Just because he's attracted to men doesn't mean he would cheat on you. The chances are the same as him being only attracted to women. However, if he tells you that this attraction can lead him into curiosity about being with a man, then you do have to reconsider.

**Joy** · 02-22-2010 02:27 AM

I think your bf is really brave and I think he does love you very much. Give yourself some time to absorb this information and get a feel for how you really feel about it - after the shock wears off.

What ever your decision is in the end and if it turns out this is a relationship you can no longer carry on with - do not judge him - he trusted you enough with his heart to share this with you because he thought you were understanding and a loving person. He told you the truth - even sometimes when we don't like the truth.

In long term relationships we have to love the good and the bad - the happy and the sad about that person. He is looking for you to totally accept him even the parts he is unsure of himself

you have every right to take time and to feel insecure about this news because it does put a different spin on your relationship. Being 35 I would much rather know this about my bf then to have him hide it and feel betrayed.

**Van** · 02-22-2010 11:31 AM

Thank you for all the advice everyone. From what everyone said, it did give me a lot more to think about and to hear the oppinion of others.
A little update, were working though it. I know it will be difficult but in the end I guess its all about trust. I'l always love him what ever happends in the end of all of this.
Once again thank you for all the help. I honestly don't know how I would have been able to handle it without all the advice.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 02-22-2010 06:15 PM

Kudos to your bf for being honest. But I don't totally agree with the others. Homosexuality/bisexuality is fine with some, totally acceptable....to others its totally unacceptable...and to others they accept it only because they feel it's politically correct to do so,but deep down don't understand it, and don't feel ok about it.

It has to be whatever you're ok with. Whatever you feel good about when you end your day...when you wake in the morning. It's your life....

**Sliatpeo** · 02-22-2010 11:31 PM

He is bi-curious according to my experience at (edit) and many bisexual do like that before coming out.

**Livelovelaugh** · 05-31-2010 07:06 AM

My boyfriend told me recently that he is also bisexual.... We are expecting our first child in November. He promised me that I am the only one for him though, the only thing I think that worries me about the whole thing is I am afraid he might get bored of me. He says he loves me alot though and wouldnt want anything to come between us. I still love him though regardless of his sexual orientation, hes the father of my child after all. Relationships are about compromise and respect even if that's about things you might not understand such as sexual identity. If you loved him when he was straight then you should still love him even if hes bisexual. My boyfriend is the best thing that ever came into my life and I wouldnt want anything to ever come between us and he promised me that would never happen. You should talk to yours about it and hear his side of the story. Good luck hun!

**bringhomethepassion** · 05-31-2010 09:56 AM

It's too bad that you have to meet him with anger regarding this confession to you as I'm sure it took a lot for him to be able to tell you and now by not even being able to talk with him it's like you're shaming him for it. I understand that it might be difficult for you to hear, but it's not your decision that was made, it's not your body, it's not your lifestyle preference. The way you are reacting is YOUR issue with it, not his. So I think you need to dig there first and see why you are so uncomfortable with it. What if it was a female friend of yours saying she was attracted to other females? Would it be so icky then?

Don't make him deny this part of his personality just because you are uncomfortable with it. If you're going to spend the rest of your relationship wondering if he's getting horny when another man walks by, then let him go so he can find someone who will embrace his diversity and love it.