Am I unattractive?

**mikedawnson** · 02-22-2010 08:48 PM

Hi,

I wasn't sure what forum to post this in since I am a guy but I thought there would be plenty of girl help coming from a Womens forum

Okay, to start off I am a guy, and I am 17. Junior in high school.

I am from florida and go to a public school here (not saying which one!)

I am kind of a loner, I mean I have friends but its like they all have their own group of friends and I only talk to them inside of school, I haven't done something with a friend outside of school in many years.

I havent hugged/kissed a girl my whole life (other than family of course). never had a girlfriend, never had a girl like me.

I am wondering where I went wrong??

I am not that cute... well i dont know. i have nice eyes but i have a kind of big nose and not much muscles. (im working on my weight trying to get bigger)

The deal is, I would love to have a girlfriend. Many guys at my school you can see in their eyes they just want sex and then out of there. I dont want that at all, yet how am I the one missing? How do they not notice that in a guy?

I dont know.... I was wondering what went wrong in my life and if its going to be like this forever!!!

sorry if no guys are allowed to post here, just let me know....

thanks to everyone who reads this and cares, theres not that many out there that do.

**WildChild** · 02-22-2010 09:03 PM

Yes, guys are welcome here, we have quite a few who are regular posters. I doubt very much that there is anything wrong with you.
It does sound like you aren't very outgoing?

Human's are social beings, we need to interact and do things with other people. Do you have any hobbies or sports that you enjoy? What are the classes you enjoy the most?

Does your school have any clubs or groups you could join where you could get to know people more? The best way to get to know girls is to get to be freinds with them, even if you don't want to date each other, you can get more comfortable dealing with girls that way. They are people - just like you. They eat, drink, sleep, go to the bathroom, worry about things, and many wonder if anyone will ever like them.

Why not start with working on being more interactive with people ? Look for way to get to know other boys as well as girls. The more people you talk with and get around, the more likely you will be to start making freinds. Go from there.

**mikedawnson** · 02-22-2010 09:16 PM

Originally Posted by WildChild

Yes, guys are welcome here, we have quite a few who are regular posters. I doubt very much that there is anything wrong with you.
It does sound like you aren't very outgoing?

Human's are social beings, we need to interact and do things with other people. Do you have any hobbies or sports that you enjoy? What are the classes you enjoy the most?

Does your school have any clubs or groups you could join where you could get to know people more? The best way to get to know girls is to get to be freinds with them, even if you don't want to date each other, you can get more comfortable dealing with girls that way. They are people - just like you. They eat, drink, sleep, go to the bathroom, worry about things, and many wonder if anyone will ever like them.

Why not start with working on being more interactive with people ? Look for way to get to know other boys as well as girls. The more people you talk with and get around, the more likely you will be to start making freinds. Go from there.

Thank you, your post was very inspiring. I think I found what went wrong. I havent been involved in extra curricular in a long time, let alone any girl "friends"

**WildChild** · 02-22-2010 09:18 PM

I have two teens - one in college and one a sophmore. It can be a tough time. The more you connect with people of like interests, the more fun you will have.

**mikedawnson** · 02-22-2010 09:22 PM

Originally Posted by WildChild

I have two teens - one in college and one a sophmore. It can be a tough time. The more you connect with people of like interests, the more fun you will have.

Thanks, its just hard starting over because I feel like everyone already has their group of friends and I don't like just barging in.

**rcoreyus** · 02-22-2010 10:26 PM

I'm a guy, and was in the same situation in high school. If I could give advice to my younger self (and to you), it would be:

Be confident and friendly. Talk to women. Don't talk to them to try to get a date, just talk, smile be friendly. Every once in a while you will get treated badly for it - just ignore them.

Get an interesting hobby the involves some skill, and where you can bring friends. You are in Florida - have you tried Sailing? Learn to sail a small boat and you have an excuse to invite people out to do something fun - and to demonstrate your competence. (If money is a problem, try to think of less expensive hobbies - but small boat sailing doesn't cost that much).

Mostly though, be friendly, confident, and don't try too hard.

**Mes T** · 02-22-2010 10:30 PM

And don't feel like you're falling behind or anything, by any means! I didn't start dating 'til I was 18 and in college and it was fine. Looking back, I wouldn't have minded waiting longer even.

**justcuriouz** · 08-15-2010 12:29 AM

There are people who care. Everyone deserves to be happy. You're probably just shy, which you can work on, especially if you get some help from a counselor/psychologist. It is good and healthy that you seem to want more than just sex from a girl. My mom always says "there is a Jack for every Jill" and I think it is true. A girl out there somewhere will fall for you and you for her. And hopefully no matter what life throws at you, you'll stick together. Now as to which girl that is, and when it'll be, obviously I have no idea. But don't lose hope, and if you're kind of a loner, try to figure out why. Is it just that you are unique, and that high school people are immature and things will improve after high school, or is it some social anxiety or something? Try to figure it out. There's nothing wrong with being a loner if you're happy that way, but it sounds like you are okay but could be happier. Good luck.

**BabyGirl** · 08-15-2010 08:07 AM

Being 55 this month, it is hard to remember exactly what or how we teens back then , chose our friends or groups.

But there were the ..... Popular Sports Group ( Jocks ). The Intelectual Nerd ( we called Dorks) , There was the Wild Side Group. And the Hippie/ Rock Star Group, we called Stoners. And the " Lost Kids " who never seemed to fit in anywhere.

One of the best things you can do is Imagine yourself in a certain type of Group. ( not necessarially the ones I named , Lol )

I am a List person, for Pro's or Cons... So write your own list of " Groups". Then ask yourself, Can You see yourself at a Rock show, or in a Band ? Can you play or see yourself at Sports Activities, Can you see yourself at Internet Conventions or Science Fairs as a Contestant .

Then list your real Interests, be it Math or English, Reading Writing or spending time on/in Beaches or the Wilderness or Cars or Photography or whatever draws your attention or you wish or dream you could or can do .

Take the list of Wants and Wishes and the " Image " of seeing yourself doing it , combine it with your best " abilities" that you know you can do, think you can or just want to try it once...

And Search out groups or activities that have some of your interests .

Then Vollenteer at Community events, Tutor other Students, Go to a Concert, go to a Science Fair, The Zoo, the Beach Volleyball Game, the Park...

You are young, you can go alone, you will find friends with the same interests. Some will be girls or couples, others just another guy/girl like you.. One thing that is Important, Friends come in all Sizes, Ages, Colors.

Do not limit your ability to be Friends with someone based on any of the above physica/ racial/ethnic descriptions. Once you have friends of all "kinds" then you can Chose what attributes you wish for in a Partner for life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BTW, I was part of all ot the " groups" I mentioned above during my High School Teen years. Not all at once, but in increments. Now I'm balanced in the Group Of " Life and Living "

**Hopeless Dork** · 08-15-2010 09:37 AM

You just have to put yourself out there more, hun. Its easy for a girl to mistake your shyness for a lack of interest. There may very well be girls with crushes on you or that would love to date you, but if you don't talk to them or glance at them much they may think you don't have the slightest interest in them. Start being more friendly. Don't look at girls as potentional girlfriends (that'll just psyche you out, make you nervous and you won't be yourself). Instead see them as potential friends. Talk to them, look at them, treat them like you would someone you aren't interested in dating, just be yourself, be nice, make jokes, take an interest in what they are doing, etc.

Girls (and people in general) love to talk about themselves so that is a great way to start and keep a conversation going with someone you'd like to know better. Don't know what to say? Ask them about themselves, people love to go on and on about things they like... and having someone take an interest in their words is always fun.

Do not pass on girls simply because they aren't the most popular or most pretty or most exactly what you'd want for the rest of your life. You are young, you aren't or shouldn't be looking for a wife just yet so be open to dating a variety of girls , just for fun and hanging out. If it goes somewhere great, if not, oh well... its not time wasted... its all apart of building social skills that prepare you for relationships down the road.

If a girl talks to you, talk back. If you ever have the opportunity to speak to one, keep the conversation going unless she seems annoyed, if she is smiling and engaged with what you are saying keep talking.

Girls can be shy and insecure too.... and even if a guy is being nice she might not think you are interested and very likely won't ask YOU out... even if she'd like to date you, so pay attention to clues that she's interested, smiling, eye contact (or the lack there of in shy girls) maybe a little blushing, talking extra fast, playing with her hair etc... if you notice a girl is possibly interested and say you are talking about a video game or something... easy icebreakers to getting the opportunity to talk more would be...hey, I gotta run but would love to talk to you more about this... can I have your number? Or here, let me give you my email address... I'd love to send you some this or that or whatever is relevent...

Just be yourself, be relaxed, remember girls are just as scared and nervous as you so there is no reason to feel inferior to anything or anyone. People are all the same.

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