How to confront selfish friend?

**sourpuss** · 02-23-2010 02:45 PM

Ok, I'll try to give the cliff notes version.

My friends have two kids. 3 and 1. I've baked all 3 birthday cakes for the 3 year olds bday parties because I used to be a baker as a profession.

Anyhoo, Thursday is the babies 1st birthday. She asked me to bake her cake and go to the hotsprings with them. Coincidentally, it's my boyfriends birthday as well. I suggested that we all go up for lunch, cake soak, etc. She agreed it would be fun. Then a few days later she said she talked it over with her husband and they decided they didn't want the baby to 'have to share her 1st birthday' (as if my boyfriend cares about his birthday, he's 42, jeesh) So, I said, ok, well how about I go with you guys and then I'll do something with him on Friday. (which I thought was a pretty big consession)

Fast forward, baby broke out in hives so the hotsprings is out. Now it's just lunch at their house. (easier for me) So I talked to her today and she asked if I was still baking a cake and just to let me know that they were also having another party for the baby that evening so I could bring the cake at lunch but they couldn't cut it until dinner (which I can't go because I have training that night)

So, boyfriend was intentionally uninvited, they expect me to blow him off on his birthday to hang out with their baby...who is having two birthday parties in one day and, I can have any of the cake that I make for her.

Is that totally rude, or am I over reacting? I'm thinking I'm just going to call and say, sorry too busy to bake for both. (which, I am and not to mention that she's a stay-at-home mom)

What should I say?

**sourpuss** · 02-23-2010 02:50 PM

Oh and I should add that they invite me over a lot but have never invited my boyfriend.
I didn't hang out with him on Valentines because they asked me over for brunch. (which hurt the bfs feelings) And then when I got there, it was like a couples thing! ...except for me! WTH?

**LanaBear** · 02-23-2010 02:58 PM

Has she expressed not liking your bf at all?

Sounds kind of like you are being taken for granted... I'd either bake one cake or none. Keeping in mind the day is for the baby, not her. I'd probably call her up and just say that you're busy and that you just wanted to give her a heads up because you'll only be baking one cake, if she wants another one she'll have to do it or go buy one.

**sourpuss** · 02-23-2010 03:24 PM

They haven't mentioned it all. But over the years, they've never really liked anyone that I've dated....even the one's the haven't met.

Originally, I planned on baking two cakes, that's why it rubbed me the wrong way when they said they didn't want to 'share'.

**sourpuss** · 02-23-2010 04:05 PM

I think I'm just going to say that since I blew him off on V-day to spend time with them and their family that I think it's best if I spend his birthday with him. Hopefully she'll understand but if not, oh well. She has a long history of taking advantage of me I think.

**LanaBear** · 02-23-2010 05:59 PM

I don't blame you there. It's definitely perfectly valid. Create some space for a bit.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 02-23-2010 07:29 PM

Sounds like you're on the right track with your thinking. It's awesome that you were so willing to compromise,you must be an awesome friend. But sounds like you are the only one doing any compromising. They don't want their baby to share the birthday? LOL. That's insane, and very likely just an excuse.

I don't know much about your relationship with this fella, but if you're really serious about him, I'd tell your friend "(Boyfriends name) is totally willing to ignore the fact that it is his bday so that he can come along and enjoy the fun with the rest of us. He and I can celebrate his bday later". Then if she says no, then say "Well, that just doesn't seem like something I want to do...have a wonderful time though!!".

Friend may be a bit controlling. Who would even think of something like that (baby having to share birthday)? Newsflash crazy lady, baby is sharing birthday with MANY and will some day be shocked when he/she finds out the world doesn't revolve around him/her. haha.

Silly silly.

Don't put up with it. He's in your life as long as you choose to keep him there and your true friends should embrace that.

**sourpuss** · 02-23-2010 08:36 PM

Sigh** Thank you guys.
Calling her in the morning is going to suck. But it has to be done. This is one of many, many instances over the last three years. I need to nip it in the bud.
I'm so nonconfrontational though, it's going to be hard.

**Joy** · 02-23-2010 10:26 PM

I think your solution is wonderful - you blew him off on Vday and it is his bday so they can't have their cake and eat it too on every occasion

I think you are being a great friend by still baking the 1 cake for your friends baby. I think it's a lil rude that the plans have changed and your bf is still uninvited.

If they or she has never like any of your bf's maybe they can't make room in their lives for others but expect other's to make what room they need to be accomadated.