Nutty sister in law...

**GlitterAndStuds** · 02-24-2010 01:42 PM

Well, she's not technically my sister in law, she's married to my boyfriend's brother. I'm not really asking what to do because I don't have a place in this situation, but I'm curious as to what people's opinions are about this.

This girl married his brother maybe 2 years ago, I think? They were engaged after 6 months, mostly because she got pregnant. And her daughter is one of the most beautiful little girls in the world, might I add. Anyway, she's been starting problems with their family pretty much since day one. She's perfectly nice to their dad and to my boyfriend. But she's CONSTANTLY starting trouble with their mom and his sister. It's gotten to the point where it's ridiculous.

I still don't know the reason why she hates them so much... if there even IS one. She e-mails or calls their mom weekly, telling her how much of a B she is and how she's a terrible mother to her children. There was even a time where she called, then put her 2 year old daughter on the phone, saying to her that "Grammy's mean, Grammy made mommy cry" etc... TO HER GRANDMOTHER. She went to their house to give Samantha (daughter) Valentine's Day gifts and she wouldn't let her in. Then, most recently, their mom sent her a card, apologizing for everything, even though she didn't do anything wrong. She just wanted to make peace so she could see her granddaughter. And she e-mails her saying that she did not accept her apology and that she does not wish to speak with her.

As for their sister, she torments her even worse. She sends her e-mails saying that she wants to make ammends, for the family...but as soon as they talk, she starts a huge fight. Point being, she knows what she is doing, makes them think she's sincere...when really, she's bored and just likes tricking them into walking into it. She's friends with their cousin and talks about them to her all the time. She makes her Facebook statuses about how she "hates being second to her husband".

Now, you're probably wondering why her husband doesn't put a stop to it. I wonder that myself. Adam says it's because even he's afraid of his wife, and he doesn't want to risk her taking his daughter away from him. Which I understand. She doesn't let him go out with friends or anything, just work. But he doesn't defend his mother or his sister at all. He and his sister haven't spoken in god knows how long. This woman has blocked all of their numbers from calling his cell phone. Nothing spurs all the times where she goes out of her way to send awful e-mails.... she just gets bored and decides to start something.

Adam has tried time and again to talk to her about it, but it never works. She verbally attacked his sister over the phone sometime last year and he finally had enough and told her she needed to stop. Well she just blocked communication with him and continued it. Their dad wasn't going to say anything to her, but I think he's going to because apparently now she's blogging all about their family. Adam's at the point where he thinks that if his brother doesn't want to be a part of the family, then screw him. He really doesn't do anything, lets it happen.

I don't know. It's a lot of rambling. If it had anything to do with me at all, I would have said something to her by now because it's ridiculous. But it's not. I just feel really bad that their mother is taking so much.... abuse, really. And this woman doesn't feel bad about it at all. She gets such a kick out of it. Like I said, I'm not asking what to do. Just for opinions, or suggestions on what THEY should do.

**KMonte85** · 02-24-2010 01:57 PM

What a nutty hag!

Isn't it odd how often we see that there are people like her plaguing families all over the world? And it is allowed to go on, for years, forever, until the family is forced to do something drastic like cut them out.

I wish I had some insight for you... but unfortunately, there is nothing you can do. Even if you were married into the family, there would be nothing you could do. Confronting her will perhaps make you feel better, but it won't make her stop. The only person who can change the situation is her husband, your boyfriend's brother. He has to be the one to shut down her destructive attitude, but it seems he hasn't quite mustered up enough anger/frustration/courage to do so. I'm sure he's worried about the aftermath, but if there is anything that I have learned from being around people like this, she is a bit of a coward herself. Likely will stop her tirade if he shuts it down, and won't run off with his daughter. Even if she isn't typical and were to run, he is within his full legal right to retain his parental rights to his daughter.

Again, that's all just speculating for the worst case scenario... none of this has even happened, and nothing will happen if he doesn't step up and tell her to quit. If that be the case, she most likely will never change, and it will be up to the family to decide if they can retain a relationship with him while putting up with her.

So sad, it makes me wonder why on Earth people would choose to act in such a manner. It can not be a happy life!

**GlitterAndStuds** · 02-24-2010 02:56 PM

Oh believe me, I wasn't planning on getting involved. I just get filled in on what's happening because Adam's sister calls to tell him, then he tells me because it pisses him off.

You're totally right, I'll never get how some people can be perfectly content with being miserable. She has a couple of screws loose, that's for sure. I don't get it because his family is great. They're the coolest people and his mom is a total sweetheart, certainly not one to be starting these things.

Their dad is ready to say something, but he's been avoiding it. I always wonder why he hasn't defended his wife to her, but then again it's never that simple. It's still his son's wife and he doesn't want that drama. But now he's mad because this girl is talking about her over the Internet and saying god knows what to god knows who. And he's a big man. If anything were to be unleashed, I can imagine it would be scary. Haha. The funny thing is, he PAYS for their house. And Adam's brother works for him. So they help them out this much and she has the audacity to still behave like this rather than being grateful.

Yeah, Adam always contemplates telling his brother to knock some sense into her. He thinks it would be pointless though, and also knows that all they can do is wait for him to reach his breaking point. He always says that if she were to threaten to take his daughter away, she wouldn't have much to stand on. She hasn't had a job since high school and I'm sure her being a basket case might affect it.

**newhere808** · 02-25-2010 02:17 PM

Wow, sorry Glitter, that's effed up. Unfortunately to say though, i've seen stuff like this a lot down here. In Hawaii the culture is very common that the male is the weaker personality in the relationship, and it has bred quite a bit of women that are power hungry, and not happy until they have torn everyone down, regardless of their position in the family.

Your wise for staying out of it though, there is nothing to be done about it from where you stand. That being said though, if it were my brother in that spot, i'd be flipping out on him for letting this slide (no one yells at/insults my mother like that, period), but I have no qualms about being confrontational with family or their spouses and I realize that's not a comfortable spot for most. Hopefully the fathers involvement can quell it a bit, others I doubt that nutcase will ever stop until she is made to stop, or discarded and shown she cannot lord over any of them.

**OhThereYouAre** · 02-26-2010 05:48 AM

I can't explain this phenomenon, but I know it exists. Seems as though there is an inherent competition between females in close proximity.

Be it for attention, for males, for financial gain or recognition...who knows.

Obviously competition exists among males, too....

I was having drinks with the lady and a couple of her friends on Tuesday.
The conversation turned to why they all have more guy friends than girl friends...and that they get along better with males than females.

It may be for this reason.

And fyi - that is just beyond reproach...teaching your child to be hateful...especially to a family member. It pains me to watch some parents these days creating monsters to satisfy the parents' own selfish initiatives.

**GlitterAndStuds** · 02-26-2010 09:46 AM

Yep, you're both totally right. It's totally a power thing, at least I think so... and the competition thing is a definite. Considering that she used to be close with Adam, and she never has problems with their dad. Just their mom and sister. I'm always saying "What, does she think he's gonna run away with his mother or something?". I certainly don't get it. It's people like her that make everyone else say that all females are crazy.

Adam would get furious about it, and like I said, he's told her she needs to stop before...and he wasn't nice about it. It just didn't work, she ignored him and continued. The only person who can do it is her husband but honestly, she has him totally whipped. I think their dad might be able to put the fear of god in her (because Adam also says that if anyone talked to me like that, they'd be in some trouble), but who knows if she'll listen. I don't think anything is going to stop her unless he leaves her, but I don't see that happening anytime soon.

It's totally the reason I'm only friends with a handful of females. Not to generalize because there are tons of awesome ones (especially the ones here

). But many never seem to grow out of that "thriving off drama" phase. Not to mention I grew up with 2 brothers, no sisters, so I can understand the mentality of just not getting caught up in that carp. I've never understood why so many people get off on making huge waves.

**newhere808** · 02-26-2010 12:22 PM

Yea it's kind of odd, and I hate to generalize but women can be very cut-throat, even to their friends. A guy will typically stop something like this once dominance is established, women seem to go until the other is permanently damaged, like their out for blood.

One of the reasons i'm all for women in combat, some chicks are scary