Does anyone believe something happens for a reason?

**sarahlee20** · 02-26-2010 12:35 PM

I am questioning this thought as today when I realized I lost my promise ring my fiance gave me over a year and a half ago. I noticed when i was at my fiance's friends house. Lately I've been struggling with different feelings. For those who know how i feel about my fiance and my confusion. I mean did i lose it for a reason? IS there a sign to why i lost it or an omen? I mean I love my fiance but I am thinking that i lost the ring for a reason. As to tell me the promise is long gone and we should be too.? I don't know. I've also noticed how much i get along with his friend. We were cooking in the kitchen is his place. It was nice. I don't like him like that I just am realizing what i need in someone. Someone mature and responsible and is willing and wanting and knows right from wrong. I love him so much but wish he was more like his friend more mature and yet still be the sweet person i love. I am thinking differently. I feel bad I don't mean to compare him to his friend. I just see a lot of how his friend is and I want my fiance to be like that. As in i see my fiance's more like a fiance and more grown up. IDK....

**KMonte85** · 02-26-2010 12:56 PM

I don't really believe that it was an "omen" of sorts... but I would say that you losing the ring has a symbolic significance to you most definitely, it represented something for you that you have been pining over for a while now. What did losing the ring make you think about? Have you had any breakthroughs in your thoughts about your fiance and what you want from a relationship and husband?

I don't think that it is wrong to look at other men in your life and see positive qualities that you would want in your SO. TO a certain extent we all do that.. many women who havea great relationship with their parents look to their fathers and see the characteristics they would want in their own SO. That is natural, and it means that you are not so numb in your relationship that you can't see where the weaknesses are. You can see traits in your friend that you would want in a mate. It doesn't mean you want him.

You love your fiance, that's not a question. But if you can already see that he, right now, is not what you need in a boyfriend/fiance/husband, then your future together will never satisfy you and you will never find that true happiness that you want. You can't marry someone on hope, wishing that in the future they will turn it around. They won't. Your internal alarm bells are going off. You are now seeing what a future with your fiance is going to be like - immaturity, money woes, stress, irresponsibility... and now you're noticing just how far he is from what you need him to be, you can see it by looking at the characteristics of other men in your life. Listen to your inner thoughts on this, don't just push your fears aside. This is a real concern, your fears are warranted, and you need to address this..

**sarahlee20** · 02-26-2010 01:10 PM

Originally Posted by KMonte85

I don't really believe that it was an "omen" of sorts... but I would say that you losing the ring has a symbolic significance to you most definitely, it represented something for you that you have been pining over for a while now. What did losing the ring make you think about? Have you had any breakthroughs in your thoughts about your fiance and what you want from a relationship and husband?

I don't think that it is wrong to look at other men in your life and see positive qualities that you would want in your SO. TO a certain extent we all do that.. many women who havea great relationship with their parents look to their fathers and see the characteristics they would want in their own SO. That is natural, and it means that you are not so numb in your relationship that you can't see where the weaknesses are. You can see traits in your friend that you would want in a mate. It doesn't mean you want him.

You love your fiance, that's not a question. But if you can already see that he, right now, is not what you need in a boyfriend/fiance/husband, then your future together will never satisfy you and you will never find that true happiness that you want. You can't marry someone on hope, wishing that in the future they will turn it around. They won't. Your internal alarm bells are going off. You are now seeing what a future with your fiance is going to be like - immaturity, money woes, stress, irresponsibility... and now you're noticing just how far he is from what you need him to be, you can see it by looking at the characteristics of other men in your life. Listen to your inner thoughts on this, don't just push your fears aside. This is a real concern, your fears are warranted, and you need to address this..

Ty. It's totally how i feel. I know it's how i feel just hurts to seee thetruth

**KMonte85** · 02-26-2010 01:36 PM

Thinking about all of this, of ending a relationship can be incredibly hard - you feel so much pain. There's not only the grief from losing someone important in your life, but the pain of seeing your hopes and dreams of a future life together disappear too. Sometimes it is the hardest part, having to totally readjust your view of how you saw your life unfolding in the next 5 to10 years. you can't see into the future and it's scary!

But you are on the right path, you are strong - strong enough to be asking the right questions and really THINKING before getting married. Too often people just fall into the moment, thinking they'll make it on love alone, hoping that the future will be brighter than the present, but that's not how it works. And you're smart enough to know this, to see this before you've gone too far... unfortunately, it doesn't make this process any easier. It hurts, and it should. But keep thinking about this, find your truth, and know that the hurt does not last forever.

**nubianqueen** · 02-26-2010 03:09 PM

the same thing happened to me as well. I lost my bf's promise ring as well, and honestly, ever since then, i have had certain thoughts run through my mind too. it's not like he's not a good man, he definately is. he treats me right, always putting my needs first. It's just that he's also REALLY REALLY cheap and doesnt really seem financially stable enough (for my comfort) that he'd be able to take care of a family the way the man of the house should. there are also a few other things here and there that's just got me thinking....

my advice to you is to definatley pray about the situation and do not rush into anything ur unsure about!! maybe try talking to him about ur concerns first and watch to see if things will get any better before taking ur relationship to the next level. dont rush into anything ur unsure about

**WildChild** · 02-26-2010 03:42 PM

Everything happens for a reason but maybe not the reason you think.

**rcoreyus** · 02-26-2010 05:09 PM

I don't think things "happen for a reason". We can use random events as an excuse to allow us to do something, but I don't think a higher power has planned them.

**sarahlee20** · 03-02-2010 07:26 AM

Originally Posted by KMonte85

Thinking about all of this, of ending a relationship can be incredibly hard - you feel so much pain. There's not only the grief from losing someone important in your life, but the pain of seeing your hopes and dreams of a future life together disappear too. Sometimes it is the hardest part, having to totally readjust your view of how you saw your life unfolding in the next 5 to10 years. you can't see into the future and it's scary!

But you are on the right path, you are strong - strong enough to be asking the right questions and really THINKING before getting married. Too often people just fall into the moment, thinking they'll make it on love alone, hoping that the future will be brighter than the present, but that's not how it works. And you're smart enough to know this, to see this before you've gone too far... unfortunately, it doesn't make this process any easier. It hurts, and it should. But keep thinking about this, find your truth, and know that the hurt does not last forever.

Thank you so much. I appreciate your honesty and advice

I know it seems simple to even reading it GET AWAY! but I am still struggling it's all i can think about...It is very scary everytime i see my engagment ring i cry.

becuase I think I am GROWING and CHANGING...I need someone to grow and change with me and not feel like i have to babysit.

**sarahlee20** · 03-02-2010 07:30 AM

Originally Posted by nubianqueen

the same thing happened to me as well. I lost my bf's promise ring as well, and honestly, ever since then, i have had certain thoughts run through my mind too. it's not like he's not a good man, he definately is. he treats me right, always putting my needs first. It's just that he's also REALLY REALLY cheap and doesnt really seem financially stable enough (for my comfort) that he'd be able to take care of a family the way the man of the house should. there are also a few other things here and there that's just got me thinking....

my advice to you is to definatley pray about the situation and do not rush into anything ur unsure about!! maybe try talking to him about ur concerns first and watch to see if things will get any better before taking ur relationship to the next level. dont rush into anything ur unsure about

Thank you also for your advice. We've dicussed it the other night and I cried and told him how i felt. TO make matters wrose i am going to be a brides maid in my brothers wedding. He's getting married in October

Anyway...No i've discussed it with him and what he got from it is that i was saying everything but GET OUT! Which made me sad. I didn't mean that but i know i DO need abreak. Just hard to get a break when we're living together.

**WildChild** · 03-02-2010 07:31 AM

Here's the deal. The real thing. You lost your ring for a reason. It could be it was loose, you were careless, someone was dishonest. You may have a subconscious desire to lose it. The real telling point is the interpretation you put on it.