Will he really hurt me?? im very confused...feedback pls

**Rema R** · 02-27-2010 08:44 PM

So...i have trust issues with my bf, i love him a lot and i think he loves me too...we have been together a lil bit over a year now and i want to be with him and he says that wants to b with me too...lately i have been havin a very strong feelin that he maybe textin or talkin to some1 in a way that i wudnt want him too...i have neva actly trusted him bt this time the feelin is stronger than ever...i have no proof for any of this though...so i told him how i felt and he knows i have trust issues and has been very patient with me. he is very sweet and nice to me sometimes but sometimes he isnt. so i started tellin him that i have this feelin and he said that i shud rly think about the root for my distrust and work on it..i know the root and its coz iv dated 2 other guys and have been hurt by both of them and am surrounded with guy friends who cheat on their gfs and my bf knows this too. then i told him that i wish i could just trust him and that way if did hurt me i can atleast say that i trusted him and if he dint hurt me evrything wud be fine...then i said i hope that this dosent turn into a self fulfilling prophecy and wat i meant was that if he did hurt me i dint want to feel like 'oh i knew this was comin and that he wud hurt me.'when i said that he made a comment sayin yeah i hope it dusent turn into a self fulfilln prophecy either...i asked him wat he meant and he said that wen i keep bein distrustful towards him i push him away and wen i keep actin like he is an he will turn into 1...he wasnt angry wen he was sayin this he was very calm so i think he meant wat he said...wat do u guys think he meant??? i think wat he meant was that he might hurt me and he hopes he dosent but dosent trust that he wont...am i right or am i just overreactin?? pls tell me wat u think.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-27-2010 08:51 PM

I think he's had enough of the conversations and that he's telling you to work on it, and deal with it so you both can have a good relationship.

I think he's fed up with feeling like your always thinking he will do it and he's giving you the cold facts, of "enough" or I will... but probably more so, fall for someone else and interact with her and leave as he wants to feel that you trust him.

I think also that sure, lots of people do do the dirty but you know what? You don't want those types in your life anyway.

By constantly worrying, you are also worrying if they love you, and therefore, holding off on love as well, really and so your relationship is doomed.

Why not take a different attitude. Mentally just remind yourself that there are two types in this world, some that will do that and some that won't and give each partner the benefit of the doubt, don't be hurt, instead, always remember, your more important and pfttt they just stuffed up and LOST YOU. Not the other way around.

Start to think with more confidence. Because that's the reality, above... They lost you..

You have to enjoy your relationship, have fun with it, be happy in it, or there really isn't one is there, there's too many talks and it gets old at some point.

CW

**Rema R** · 02-27-2010 08:56 PM

thank u so much...im rly tryin to work on it..but it rly scares me that he said or meant to say that he will leave...does that mean that he dusnt love me enough to stay or that he will leave coz im bein a b*&ch?

**Rema R** · 02-27-2010 08:58 PM

i think this a rly stupid question bt iv been askin this to myself foreva...how do i trust him?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-27-2010 09:00 PM

You know, it seems to me that "people" like "confident" people...

The insecurities in a person, let's face it come out to play over and over and over again.

What he wants I think is for you to see him as "the man" , "his man", be confident in that and therefore, that little girl isn't going to keep coming out to play is she, instead jokes, stiring, laughter will replace it.

I know it's hard but that's reality..

I would say he loves you but your wearing him down over and over and he's had enough.

But not enough yet to walk.. So, don't try, just do

Remember what I said and it's true. If someone does this to you, THEIR LOSS, okay? There are so many people that enter our lives, but only a very few that ever remain in it...

Make sure each time you have the best time, relationship, because one of those is the one that will be for ever.

Don't concern yourself over past. Your in the present, looking for your future

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-27-2010 09:02 PM

Originally Posted by Rema R

i think this a rly stupid question bt iv been askin this to myself foreva...how do i trust him?

Believe in him.. Believe in your relationship and really read everything else I wrote.

He went out with you 12 months ago for a reason...

**Rema R** · 02-27-2010 09:08 PM

thank u so much...i will do my best to trust him and if i cant i wont wear him out il just leave but that wud kill me so i will for sure do my best to trust him

**Joey** · 02-28-2010 06:48 AM

dont think your question is stupid. you want to see what Im currently worried about in the sex section! ha!

All woman have insecurities. I should know, ive got enough of them. The thing that you have to realise is that no guys are the same. My ex was a complete (edit). We had a long distance realtionship, well, 3 hours distance, and he never made me feel comofortable or trusting to this. He would go out with his friends, and tell me stories of how much of an amazing night it was and stories about girls hitting on him and all that jazz. so yeah, he left me a very dis-trusting girl.

I am with a new guy now, and he is everything and more that i have ever wanted. He is so nice and sweet (the same as what you have said your guy is) and i know that i trust him 1000000%. i never thought i would be able to trust a guy properly again, but i proved myself wrong. Just because you have had a past of disloyal guys, it doesnt mean that every guy you meant is going to do the same to you.

You say you have no evidence on any of your accusations. That is because there isnt any because nothing is happeneing. Your bloke is right, you will ultimatly push him away if you carry on being insecure in your realtionship. you have been together for a year. if he wanted to have cheated on you, he would have done so by now. He loves you hence why he has been with you for a year. Trust your guy!

**Rema R** · 02-28-2010 11:33 AM

thank u..i dint know trustin sum1 wud be soooo hard....

**Joey** · 02-28-2010 12:15 PM

Originally Posted by Rema R

thank u..i dint know trustin sum1 wud be soooo hard....

Its only hard because of your past hun. If you hadnt of had those expereinces with your ex's, you would feel totally different. Give your guy a chance.