The ex files have opened....

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-18-2010 11:13 AM

It's one thing to talk about one's past, it's another to live in one's past.

Totally agree with that statement, and only HD knows that, but based on comments made in the past of how he treats her, (which is good).. Where the past might take play is his own in-securities and therefore things he has continued into this one, that they have talked about and he has stopped, and perhaps his flirting, which he contests is meaningless and seems to have shown that, but now I see it as his in-security, need of feeling special...

Perhaps that's his reason for opening up.. He's acknowledging his in-securities...

Pends if he's changed in the way in which he has been treating her I think.

**pretzel** · 03-18-2010 11:22 AM

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

Totally agree with that statement, and only HD knows that, but based on comments made in the past of how he treats her, (which is good).. Where the past might take play is his own in-securities and therefore things he has continued into this one, that they have talked about and he has stopped, and perhaps his flirting, which he contests is meaningless and seems to have shown that, but now I see it as his in-security, need of feeling special...

Perhaps that's his reason for opening up.. He's acknowledging his in-securities...

Pends if he's changed in the way in which he has been treating her I think.

What are you doing up at this hour?

If it's his own insecurities that's fine as long as it's not filtering in (which it may not be from what I've been reading)

He's making changes from what he was in the past and talking about that past as a reference point from which he's deciding where best to change immediately for the relationship's sake.

HD definately knows better than any of us. At best, if we're giving her different perspectives and different questions, then that's what we're here for.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-18-2010 04:01 PM

HAHA, I know? I woke up

lol's..

Again I agree with what you've stated.

From what I've read in the past

, he has/is making changes, lots of them, I see this as another "communication", "bond" if you will, from him to her...

She's a strong cat, stands her ground, intelligent, and speaks her mind, nothing wrong with either/iether, both, having any form of in-securities, what's important is that they are shared, known, out in the open, communicated and I think he did that

CW

**kygirl** · 03-19-2010 12:05 PM

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

I don't think people realize when they say that they can't open their heart because the last time they did they got hurt that it ELEVATES the person that broke their heart. It makes them more special, more deserving of it... at least it feels that way.

I totally agree. But a lot of times, I have also found that over time you can be the one that DOES help them open up and that is a nice feeling too. Sorry you're dealing with the ex-factor...I know it sucks...especially when you're a good woman and you realize somebody else hurt the person you love.

*hugs*

**Hopeless Dork** · 03-19-2010 01:32 PM

Its conflicting. He tells me all the time that he loves me more than he has ever loved. That he feels for me in ways he never thought possible. Yet after all this time together drops the bomb on me about the ex that broke his heart in ways he won't ever let happen again.

I've had my heart broken. But I am so in love with this man that the ones that broke my heart don't even cross my mind , EVER.... I'm not mad at them, they don't exsist in my mind at all, positively or negetively.

To me it seemed like he was still holding on to some anger, and thats an emotion which makes it hard for me to feel like he doesn't still have some sort of feelings for her.

**rcoreyus** · 03-19-2010 03:09 PM

He probably does have "some" feelings for her. He probably has far more for you.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-19-2010 07:08 PM

Its conflicting. He tells me all the time that he loves me more than he has ever loved. That he feels for me in ways he never thought possible

.

Then, trust that that is true.

the ex that broke his heart in ways he won't ever let happen again.

Then, trust that time changes all of that...

Everyone who has been hurt badly, puts a guard up, he's bought his down considerably, but not yet enough, and that takes time...

If you love him, then allow him to keep seeing what's real and keep feeling that it's okay, eventually they change their minds on "pain" because what they have they know isn't going anywhere and is there's for ever.

It's the Forever, that he needs.... he's simply too scared to be hurt again.

If you can visualise this.... Your gone..... and he falls for someone else a year or so down the track, it will be you he will tell her about, and his fear of being hurt, as well as his ex..

It's quite normal. If you've been burnt and hurt because you gave your heart in totality... I'd say he's only holding on a little bit, because all you write, he's let go of his heart quite considerably mam...

CW

**sperosi** · 03-20-2010 04:47 AM

i think that one never really loses all feelings for people they had feelings for.

if one could that easily remove all feelings for someone they loved, i question whether they had any real feelings to begin with.

HD, he loves you and to me its obvious he loves you much more than he has loved anyone else.

**anonymouswhitefemale** · 03-22-2010 06:11 PM

We're creatures of habit.

Experience forms our survival patterns.

Once something hurts us physically or emotionally, we have an instinctual caution of it - if this wasn't the way we worked we probably wouldn't even have legs to walk on, evolution would have dead-ended us millennia ago.

So whilst it's not fantastic, it is completely understandable, and doesn't have anything to do with pining for lost loves etc.

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