Advice needed!!!!

**lostforu** · 03-22-2010 06:24 PM

Hello everyone......i really need some advise

i've been seeing someone for almost 8 months now and we are totally inlove with each other. We are both compatible, understand each other, from the same culture....etc both getting ready to graduate with B.A.

He tells me everyday how much he loves me and he wants me in his life for good. The problem is my family doesn't know about me & him and if they find out I will be in bigggggggggggg trouble. Its not part of the culture to date with out the family knows.

So i've been talking to him about this lately and there is no way we can make it official now. I just dont want things to drag on & on and it'll be a year or 2 from now and then things will not work out, bcuz I will be screwed...I already feel sooooo attached to him, the thought of not being with makes me REALLLY sick. I've never someone like him and I just love him from the bottom of my heart and I know he feels the same way.

To make matters worse, he lost his job so am kinda helping him out wiht some things and its just hard bcuz i dont want to break up with him or leave him when he is a situation like this. However my religion doesn't allow me to continue "Dating" and the fact that my family doesnt know makes me feel really guiltly....plss any advise you guys can offer will be really helpfull

**Mes T** · 03-22-2010 06:40 PM

Gotta let the folks know.

The sooner the better. Yes it'll be hard and will probably involve a lot of yelling and maybe even threatening from their end, but... If you wanna be with him, they'll find out eventually anyway. Make sure to tell them what you told us, as in you WANT to tell them, you feel guilty for not doing so, but you're scared of their reactions, and maybe throw in that you want to be the kind of daughter who is open about everything with her parents.

**Hopeless Dork** · 03-22-2010 06:47 PM

If he's in the same culture as you he obviously understands hiding your relationship would not be acceptable... can I ask you why you guys are hiding that you are dating... it sounds like you guys are a good match? Is there something that would make either of your families dissaprove of your courtship?

**lostforu** · 03-22-2010 07:04 PM

but he told me straight up that he is not ready to settle down right now...and am not saying "HEY LETS GETS MARRIED" am tooo young but i just want it to be offficial.

He keeps saying oh my family is not gona approve,.......with that being said i keep telling myself "WHAT ARE U STILL DOING WITH HIM, he clearly told you his family is not going to accept"
....i feel like if he loves me he will do something....BUt then i dont have a good legitimate reason to break up wiht him...i Feel that, what i mentioned is not gooood enough ://
I feel now days good guys are hard to find and I will probably not find someone like him that loves me unconditionally...

but then again I dont wana push him...bcuz of the whole job situation and he doesnt have his car bcuz he cant afford insurance. I dont wana add more problems to his list and make him feeel down. I let him drive my car when am in school so he can run his errands and do what he needs to do, and you is soooooooo thankful and grateful for that, he tells me everyday. He takes care of me, he respects me, he really cares about me....no way in earth he is using...u just know.. WE both know we want to spend our lives together forever....but its just things right now are not helping.

**fefe** · 03-25-2010 05:16 AM

Dear lostforu

I hope you are well
what i am about to tell you is a suggestion not advice to take it or not is your discretion but the least you can do is hear me out.

I have been there done that and had the pleasure of knowing that the man is fibbing" not in my religion" is a line i have heard before ....
Some where deep down you must have got a feeling too that nature is signaling you that he is not what you are meant to be ......................
i have experienced many pit falls i know what i'm saying it will surely hurt( you don't but i know that) "some one round the corner " is waiting for you.

What have you got to loose by hanging on to something or some one that you know you will loose today or tomorrow is foolishness .........
it would be different if the man professed his undying love and said that he will not leave you come what may then it would be different ........
You are the nice guy by supporting him in various ways ..............
My friend ......................... you know what to do you just need a helping hand

take care fefe

**WildChild** · 03-25-2010 05:55 AM

What would cause your families to disapprove? Are you from rival groups? Or different levels of society that it simply isn't acceptable to intermarry? Or is it just that the families don't know each other and would disapprove of the two of you having chosen on your own?
Are your families still living in your country of origin?

**ocularone** · 03-25-2010 06:13 AM

Originally Posted by WildChild

What would cause your families to disapprove? Are you from rival groups?

He is a Montague...While she is a Capulet

*edit* (yes i realize i am a dork)

seriously though i get a little concerned if it is cultural or religious that her family wouldn't approve. Are you living here in the US? The only reason i ask is the idea of what the family could/would do under certain religious laws if she were "dishonoring the family name"

**WildChild** · 03-25-2010 06:24 AM

Originally Posted by ocularone

Are you living here in the US? The only reason i ask is the idea of what the family could/would do under certain religious laws if she were "dishonoring the family name"

I was trying to get a better feel for the actual situtation. Different cultures have differing levels of response to these things.

**ocularone** · 03-25-2010 06:33 AM

Oh no no sorry WC, that question was directed at lostforu. Didn't mean to confuse you

you and i are on the same page i think

**lostforu** · 03-26-2010 07:59 PM

yea we both live in the united states.....its just he's family is trying to arrange a marriage for him...they are trying to pick girls...he is getting alotttt of pressure form his family....especially bcuz he is getting ready to graduate from college this Spring.
He is also the kind/sweet guy that doesnt want to upset his parents, so discplined...etc so yea but i will be sooooooo miserable if things dont work out.

The other day i talked to him about it and i told him i feel as tho this is not going anywhere and he automatically thought i was going 2 break up with him and was soo depressed to the point he didnt sleep till 6AM that night/morning...he really reallly loves me and he is trying to talk to his family here & there..