Men, Women, and Being Strictly Platonic. Possible??

**Mes T** · 03-22-2010 06:27 PM

Some of you may remember me posting about being uncomfortable that my boyfriend has so many female friends that he's really close with.

Well I thought about it, and now I realize why I have these feelings.

It's because I have maybe had a handful of male friends in my lifetime who remained strictly platonic.

Almost every guy I have EVER met has TRIED something on me, that "only" friends wouldn't do.

I think this is my fault... I guess I'm a little flirtatious by nature, maybe because I don't have enough experience talking to men the same way that I talk to women, who knows. I guess I send out the wrong signals, but believe me when I say that I do NOT mean to.

So I look at my boyfriend, and other people, and wonder, HOW do they manage to keep these relationships platonic? What secrets do they know that I don't?

Because at this point I can't help but wonder if EVERYone is in the same situation as I am.

**Hopeless Dork** · 03-22-2010 06:52 PM

I really don't think platonic relationships between a man and a woman that are sexually attracted to each other and single will remain platonic. And if they do, the friendship usually wont last.

I think that platonic relationship between a man and a woman that are sexually attracted to each other and one is attached and the other is single are potentially dangerous for the attached one's relationship. Usually these types of platonic relationships go belly up when one person realizes the other will never be more to them.

I think that platonic relationships between a man and a woman that are sexually attracted to each other and both are attached, can be had and maintained as long as both are capable of respecting the bounderies their attachments carry and are respectful of each other's significant others.

I think unless there is some huge tie binding them together that its not that great of an idea to hang out with someone you are sexually attracted to without your partner present to reality check you... especially if your relationship has problems.

But I think that a man and woman that are NOT sexually attracted to each other could have a relationship as platonic as a pair of hetero women or hetero men have with each other. If there is no chemistry , I believe a platonic relationship can exsist in its truest form.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-23-2010 02:13 AM

I have Platonic male friends, not many and to be honest 95% of them want more, they "pretend" those other 5% that are just friends, aren't "true friends" they make a date to catch up, ie) going away, and don't fulfill cause shirt happens and don't say sorry, etc.

And, when they enter a relationship they disapeer...

My thoughts? Much like girlfriends, you can count them on your hand, one hand, the rest are acquaintances.................simply put regardless of sex.

CW

**sourpuss** · 03-23-2010 06:48 AM

I've always been a tomboy, so I have lots of male friends. There was a time in my early 20s that I didn't have any girlfriends at all. Definitely some of my male friends wanted more, but not all.

I have a couple of close buddies right now that are totally just friends. So it is possible.

**rcoreyus** · 03-23-2010 07:20 AM

Relationships can remain platonic - especially if the people aren't attracted to each other. I've had female friends for many years with no hint of anything inappropriate.

Even if they are attracted to each other, people can sort of agree on an acceptable flirting level. This can also be stable for a long time.

I think the main rule is not to get drunk with someone you are attracted to when you don't want a relationship. In that situation you don't want to lower your inhibitions.

**kygirl** · 03-23-2010 07:40 AM

I think it's possible, but like WC said, very few and far between. I have a few platonic men friends, but honestly we tried dating first and it didn't work (i.e. no chemistry, etc) I couldn't even begin to tell you how many of my guy "friends" have admitted they liked me, tried to hook up with me, etc though. I find most of my guy friends work out best when they are attached to other women... I guess too much time to get ideas in your head otherwise.

**Fish** · 03-23-2010 07:48 AM

Most of my closest friends are guys. Girls are too emotionally driven for me (I have enough emotions to go around). I only have 2 really close female friends, and probably 8 or so close male friends. They may want more, but it's never come up, and they won't ever get it so there is no point in worrying about it. My boyfriend is the same way- most of his closest friends are girls. At first it kind of bothered me, but seeing how he interacts with them and how different his interactions are with me, along with trust, have made me ok with it. I don't see what the big deal is with being strictly friends with the opposite sex...as long as the boundaries are clear.

**pretzel** · 03-23-2010 07:56 AM

Originally Posted by Fish

Most of my closest friends are guys. Girls are too emotionally driven for me (I have enough emotions to go around). I only have 2 really close female friends, and probably 8 or so close male friends. They may want more, but it's never come up, and they won't ever get it so there is no point in worrying about it. My boyfriend is the same way- most of his closest friends are girls. At first it kind of bothered me, but seeing how he interacts with them and how different his interactions are with me, along with trust, have made me ok with it. I don't see what the big deal is with being strictly friends with the opposite sex...as long as the boundaries are clear.

Reading this and relating it to your thread, letting your bf know what the boundaries will be with living with a labmate may resolve an issue or two.

**stressed** · 03-23-2010 08:11 AM

You can only have a true friend of the opposite sex if you don't find him attractive at all. The same goes for the men. If there's any hint of constant attraction then we don't talk about true friends anymore, but a case of someone hoping to get something more in the future.