Is anyone else a relationship worrier?

**kygirl** · 03-30-2010 12:20 PM

I worry a lot (see multiple previous posts), and the beau knows I worry a lot. He's very reassuring and keep most of my crazy worry to myself, but lately, I've been just thinking about everything way too much. Why he isn't officially divorced yet... Why he isn't hurrying more... whether he really will get married again...how long that would take after being divorced...whether I really want to have kids...whether that changes how I feel about all of this...

Sometimes I really stress myself out so much that it almost makes me want to just quit trying... I guess that kinda sounds silly but when I look back on the last 12 years of my life and boys to men and dating and heartbreaks, etc, does there come a point where it's just not worth it anymore? I don't know how to stop worrying... I have pushed every man I have loved away from me. I have tried to hold on to man that never deserved me...

How do you break old habits? I keep hearing...just enjoy it now and I really do try. I try to tell myself to just stay in the moment, but it's hard to do that when I feel like I have no idea where my life is headed?

**Hopeless Dork** · 03-30-2010 12:26 PM

I use to be a heavy relationship worrier... but overtime I've cooled it. I'll ocassionally read to much into insignificant things still, but I am learning to knock that off.

When you spend too much energy focusing on the what if's and what can go wrong you really miss out on the right now and in life... we all have goals and dreams and a vision for our future but all we REALLY have.. is this second, this minute, this hour we're living in.

That doesn't mean not to protect yourself or plan ahead but it means definitly appreciate what you have and learn to enjoy the moments that make you smile and don't let fears of a time you might not be happy take away from those gifts.

**kygirl** · 03-30-2010 12:26 PM

Just wanted to add that I guess my biggest concern is that I am just destined to end up ruining every good thing that happens to me or that even worse, everything good is just going to go away. I just need to know how to stay focused on now??

**kygirl** · 03-30-2010 12:29 PM

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

I use to be a heavy relationship worrier... but overtime I've cooled it. I'll ocassionally read to much into insignificant things still, but I am learning to knock that off.

When you spend too much energy focusing on the what if's and what can go wrong you really miss out on the right now and in life... we all have goals and dreams and a vision for our future but all we REALLY have.. is this second, this minute, this hour we're living in.

That doesn't mean not to protect yourself or plan ahead but it means definitly appreciate what you have and learn to enjoy the moments that make you smile and don't let fears of a time you might not be happy take away from those gifts.

I realize a lot of this is a culmination of the fact that the next 2 1/2 weeks may be the most stressful of my entire year... We have to finish getting through tax season so I only see him briefly in class and on weekends. I know he's trying and I know he wants to see me more AND I knew going in that the divorce stuff might not end until he had more time to focus on figuring out how to get her to agree to everything and sign off so they could proceed (still lots of looming financial issues). But I guess with that and finals starting in 3 weeks it is all just making me relieve a ton of things that have happened before and everything in the future...then I start worrying about planning because somehow planning makes me calm but I realize I can't plan everything either which stresses me out more

I'm a mess

**MissMeSha810** · 03-30-2010 12:30 PM

Yes, I am a worrier 70% of the time. The only thing that I can do is occupy my time with video games, crafts, books, movies and retail therapy!!! (shopping) I think it's in your genes so unless there is a medication for this problem ( if you find one please tell me lol ) the only thing you can do is find something that you enjoy that will keep your mind and thoughts on something else. I don't know about you, but my mind is always running about something and my husband has told me time and time again to stop worrying so much, it's not that serious! Hope that helps.

**pretzel** · 03-30-2010 12:43 PM

Originally Posted by kygirl

Just wanted to add that I guess my biggest concern is that I am just destined to end up ruining every good thing that happens to me or that even worse, everything good is just going to go away. I just need to know how to stay focused on now??

You know what I'm going to say.

As for the divorce timing. It's not in his hands. If he's complying with the paperwork and she is also, it's in the court's hands.

Once you pass the bar, you'll learn better that they run on their own calendar no matter what anybody says.

**kygirl** · 03-30-2010 12:52 PM

Originally Posted by pretzel

You know what I'm going to say.

As for the divorce timing. It's not in his hands. If he's complying with the paperwork and she is also, it's in the court's hands.

Once you pass the bar, you'll learn better that they run on their own calendar no matter what anybody says.

Right now, it is not in the court's hands yet...when it gets there, I have to wait 30 days... That I understand

He had to pay $500 to get some things reviewed and he has to get with her about seeing if her and her attorney will accept it and move on. Of course they have been trying to sell the house but that's not going to happen so they have to reach an agreement on that too.

I know he's been very busy and she doesn't really care one way or another at this point bc he's paying the house payment. But I just wish he'd get a bit more motivated to get it done and I don't want to be that gf that complains all the time, but realistically I was prepared for may 4-5 months till this was final... We're already at 3 and I dont' see this going to a judge anytime before at least mid-May.

It's all semantics and titles and I get that, but when I think about it it's still odd to me to deal with the fact that technically he's still married. I think deep down my fear is that he'll go back to her. It's irrational and I don't see it happening, but I am SOOOO afraid that once she realizes he's being seeing someone and just one someone that she might suddenly decide she wants him back

or make his life in the process. i just want it to be done so he has no more legal ties to her.

<end rant>

**pretzel** · 03-30-2010 12:57 PM

Originally Posted by kygirl

Right now, it is not in the court's hands yet...when it gets there, I have to wait 30 days... That I understand

He had to pay $500 to get some things reviewed and he has to get with her about seeing if her and her attorney will accept it and move on. Of course they have been trying to sell the house but that's not going to happen so they have to reach an agreement on that too.

I know he's been very busy and she doesn't really care one way or another at this point bc he's paying the house payment. But I just wish he'd get a bit more motivated to get it done and I don't want to be that gf that complains all the time, but realistically I was prepared for may 4-5 months till this was final... We're already at 3 and I dont' see this going to a judge anytime before at least mid-May.

It's all semantics and titles and I get that, but when I think about it it's still odd to me to deal with the fact that technically he's still married. I think deep down my fear is that he'll go back to her. It's irrational and I don't see it happening, but I am SOOOO afraid that once she realizes he's being seeing someone and just one someone that she might suddenly decide she wants him back

or make his life in the process. i just want it to be done so he has no more legal ties to her.

<end rant>

My divorce took 2 years and we didn't have the issues with the house and other property as some do. I bought her out and we did our own PSA. It still took 2 years.

Please, he's YOURS. ACCEPT THAT.
(end rant)

enjoy the holidays. Vacation time.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-30-2010 01:05 PM

My Divorce "hasn't happened yet"... It will be 3 years in May...

Same reason sweet, finances, property, but guess what? I am in a relationship now, and he will be going through this as well in a couple of months when it reaches 12 months separation. (In Australia) you have to be separated for 12 months first.

So whilst marriage is a piece of paper, Divorcing takes time, it has to be at the right moment when you can think clearly, because there is always financial issues to deal with.

For me, we were tied into a building, that I never wanted to sell. Now, I am selling it

And, therefore, the ties are over and so I can breathe, move on, and Divorce.

Remember, this is hard for him, not that he's left her, but that he has to work it right so he still has something from it.. Don't stress and don't stress him.. Do what people are telling you, it's early days sweet and it's everything else that your frightened of coupled with the fear of him going back, so it's all fear.

He wouldn't be with you if he didn't want to.. You know that.. So enjoy the relationship and don't add obsticles to it

**kygirl** · 03-30-2010 01:12 PM

Thanks Pretzel. I know it's my own insecurities partially. I just haven't ever been in this situation before. I thought it'd be easier for me to deal with but I didn't realize it would make me so nervous.

I know it's not his fault and they have lots to work through. I just need to be patient... That's hard for me