how can i let it go?

**erinnay** · 03-30-2010 05:04 PM

hi everyone, i have a really tough question.
my boyfriend and i have been together for about a year, and are completely in love.
i know, it sounds corny.
anyway, when i met him, i thought he was this innocent boy, he didn't know how to kiss or anything.
i'm a virgin, and he said he was too. i felt so lucky to find someone with the same values as me, and was so happy.
a few months into the relationship, i decided to take things a little further than just kissing, and gave him a hand-job and bj.
it was my first time for both, and it was something new and exciting.
a week later, he started crying and said he had something to tell me.
it turns out, a year before that, he actually got a bj and spent 5 days with a girl, he went down on her for a bit, fingered her, blahblahblah. they even had intercourse for a few seconds, but he said it was too much, and he panicked and stopped.
i believe him, i know that he's been feeling guilty about it the whole time, and i try my hardest to forgive him, but i think i must have a jealousy issue.
this issue was our very first, and it just keeps coming back into my mind.
i love him so much, and just the thought of him doing anything with this girl (she's known to be very promiscuous at home) breaks my heart.
he told me he didn't even know why he was doing it, he just went with whatever was happening, and regretted it completely after. he even told her this.
i'd really love feedback on this. please

**p3375** · 03-30-2010 05:21 PM

You can't change the past, dear. I'm a little amazed he was strong enough to tell you about it, given how seriously he knew you would take it.
I think if you look back at this years from now you'll realize how special and rare this guy and this relationship is. Suspect that if you don't deal w/ this and get beyond it, you'll be looking back in regret that you made the wrong choice.
P

**Mes T** · 03-30-2010 05:44 PM

Everyone has a past.

And this guy's seems to be the most innocent you'll find in anyone. EVER.

If you can't "forgive" him for something quite natural and common that happened before you were even in the picture, then you'll never find happiness in any relationship.

Nip these feelings in the bud. Now.

**erinnay** · 03-30-2010 05:59 PM

thank you!
i've been thinking the same thing for a while, and i never have had and do not have, the intention to dump him, but it's much harder to forget than it is to forgive.
my few friends and family who know tell me the same thing "get over it, it's not a big deal, he cares about you"
it's true, and i guess i'll just have to try harder.

**rcoreyus** · 03-30-2010 09:42 PM

I agree with mes_T. He did this before he was dating you. Sounds like he wasn't ready for it at the time, and in a real sense the first intimacy he really enjoyed was with you.

This is about as innocent a past as you will find in someone.

**caterpillar79** · 03-30-2010 09:51 PM

How old are you both?

**erinnay** · 03-31-2010 04:52 PM

i just recently turned 18, and he'll be 18 in august.
we're both pretty young, i know, and i think that with time comes maturity, so as i get older, i'll be able to get over things easier and not dwell so much on the past.
thank everyone for the replies!
they really do mean a lot to me because when people who know and care about me try and point out facts or give me advice, i'm a little reluctant, because of course they just want me to be happy.
to have complete strangers tell me the same things that friends and family tell me, it's so relieving and liberating in a way.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-31-2010 05:25 PM

It's beautiful to see, if you think about it, someone so deeply in love with you, to come out and tell you a deepest dark secret ( we all have skeletons in our closet), those can be of any nature, not just sexually

I commend him.

I don't blame him, women can be caniving creates to get what they want, but at the end of the day, an experiment came to realisation for him. That he wanted something beautiful and intimate from it, not what he was getting and he stopped.

What you two are experiencing is "totally different". There, it's with love. Something neither of you have ever experienced before, and yet, you have now, together.

Smile in that knowing.

CW

**erinnay** · 03-31-2010 08:07 PM

thank you

i won't try to describe our relationship, i don't want to make it seem like less than it really is.
it's an amazing one though.
a year is a long time to spend almost constantly with one, and you definitely do get to know things about life and love in that time.
we've both grown tremendously since we started seeing each other.
it's been great.
he applied to my boarding school 1000 miles away from home after only about two months of dating, and that really helped me become committed and feel like he was committed.
well, i don't want to blab.
thanks again for the remarks!

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