Thread: Anyone been in this situation?

Hi there. I'm posting for the first time and just need to vent (sorry about the length) because i'm going through a tough time and wonder if anyone else has been here.

I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years (1st relationship for both of us) and in the past 6 months have taken the next step and bought a house. We've lived together, travelled long-term overseas together, discussed having children together (neither of us feels the need to get married) and have been very happy and (i think) the envy of some of our friends. Only 8 months ago while he was overseas he emailed me and said that we are perfect together, that he couldn't wait to start this next step in our life together etc etc and until recently we had been quite demonstrative with our love.

Then in the past 6-8 weeks my whole world has turned upside down. He has suffered a bit of depression about himself in the past (e.g. wasting talent, finding the right job etc etc) and I noticed he had been down for a week or so. When we talked about it, he said the same things again. Further discussion over the next couple of days revealed that in addition to his own feelings about himself, he also felt the spark had gone in our relationship and that in the past couple of weeks he had developed feelings for a mutual friend of ours. Obviously this was really upsetting, but so out of the blue that I was really supportive and thought we could work through things. I thought the depression might have something to do with it or perhaps being scared at the responsbilities that have come with buying a house and the fact that maybe he sees his 'youth' as being over (we are 27)

Things didn't really improve and even though he was really open and honest and we continually discussed how we were feeling, we decided that we couldn't really think objectively about each other and our relationship while we were living together so we planned to go on a break when I returned from a business trip. He thought that meant we were on a break and while visiting family, met up with the girl in question and slept with her. Again he was totally honest and upfront about it, also expressing his disgust about it too. Again, this just doesn't make any sense to me about how things can change so quickly and I am willing to work on it because of that and because I don't think you can let an wonderful 8 year relationship end in 6 weeks of turmoil. SInce then he hasn't had any contact with her and has told her not to contact him and I 100% believe him.

So at the moment, we are on a break to think about ourselves and where we want to head from there. I am just so lost. I can't focus on anything else. I burst into tears thinking that it may be over and am trying to prepare myself for that but the thought scares the out of me. I can't imagine what life would be like without him - he's my best friend. What makes it worse is when we do see each other, i just feel so happy but then sad, and we are both still hug and comfort each other when we are upset. This helps at the time but is just making it all the more confusing for me.

Has anyone been here that can offer some advice about how to cope with this or just some feedback? I've never been in this position before and just don't feel like I am coping with it well.

Thanks