Advice please

**Youngbuck18** · 04-03-2010 09:24 PM

Hi, I'm new here, and was wondering if anyone could give me any sort of imput or advice on my relationship.

Im an 18 yr old male and I'm currently dating a beautiful and loving women who is 36, whom has no children. We've been dating for about 2 months now. 2 week ago was her birthday and she had sort of a "meltdown". Much like a midlife crisis moment. Where she got very upset because she hasnt started a family and had kids yet, and she seems to think at 36 now her years of possible child birthing are coming to an abrupt end.
She actually asked for un-protected sex, which I declined and she got upset with me, so I left. I felt like an idiot because it was her birthday, but I still stick with my decision. The next day she wasnt mad, she understood why I didnt and appreciated me not just going along with it.

But now she's still pushing for having children again, which Im not opposed to having now at my age, but at this stage in our relationship of only 2 months I think is tooo soon. Though, I do stay at her place 3-4 days a week, which is nice cause its only about 3km from work too

Instead of my normal 25 min drive.

I guess the under lying question or advice Im seeking is there such thing as a relationship going too fast? And is mine doing just that?

I do love her, and can see myself settling down with her. But it all seems to have started so fast, but somehow oddly I feel strangly comfortable with it.

Btw sorry if this is in the wrong forum, if it is could a mod please move it? or ask me to copy and paste elsewhere?

**Hopeless Dork** · 04-03-2010 09:47 PM

(moved to relationships forum

)

First off all I want to commend you for sticking to your guns and not giving into her baby fever birthday whim.

I am not going to try to discourage your relationship if this is the woman you love and she makes you happy, but you do realize that having a baby with her will cement your relationship forever.

At least she is showing some rational thought by realizing that you were right to not want to be guilted into getting her pregnant. You've only been dating 2 months and its way too soon to be making decisions that could affect your future.

Your age difference is almost 2 decades and... thats a lot. If she makes you happy , then age doesn't matter but you are definitly still figuring out what you want out of life and throwing a baby into the mix is not something you want to do just so that she isn't mad at you. Those are all the wrong reasons.

**nubianqueen** · 04-04-2010 11:54 PM

...yeah, the age thing is something u may really wanna think about. she gave u nearly 2 decades. she' s ready to start a family (and she has every right to wanna do that). U on the other hand are only 18. are u sure u wanna commit urself like that at such a young age?? Children are for life, but for the next 18+ years they are ur sole responsibility. Ultimately, the choice is up to you, but u may wanna really think about the circumstances. Plus, u may wanna make sure ur not in the infactuation phase of the relationship too. especially since it's so early on.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 04-05-2010 05:45 AM

Too soon.

You should never move forward with a forever life changing situation that you have serious doubts about. And you do, rightfully so. You may find that the age difference is just too much as she will be very eager to move forward much faster. But for the right reasons? Doubtful. Most likely her eagerness to move so fast is because of the "biological clock"...not her true desire to actually raise children or to settle down permanently with you forever. If she were 18, you think she'd be in such a rush?

**WildChild** · 04-05-2010 06:34 AM

You are 18, barely out of school, or are you still in school? You haven't had enough time yet to find out who you really are and what you want. She was the age you are now when you were born. Actually she's old enough to be your mother. That doesn't mean it can't work but it makes it an awful lot less likely.

Absolutely this is moving too fast. You need time to get established in life, to have some life experience. I'll tell you what I tell my kids (19 & 16) get your education, give yourself some time to work, travel, explore what life has to offer and then you can think about settling down. Your lady freind has had time to do all that, you haven't. I always wonder about people who are attracted to someone young enough to be their child. No matter how mature you are for your age, you just haven't had time to gain the life experience you should have before making this kind of committment. Really I'd say that if she was 26 or 16. You have no reason to rush, take your time, don't get caught up in someone else's desires. Having a child is a huge committment and shouldn't be done lightly. 2 months in a relationship is far too short a time to make this choice.

**rcoreyus** · 04-05-2010 09:42 AM

Absolutely never have children unless both of you are sure that is what you want. It is a lifelong commitment, and an unwanted child is a terrible tragedy for all concerned.

If I'm reading this right and you are 18, she is 36, I think the age difference is a BIG deal for any permanent relationship - as is becoming obvious here. She is correct that her time for having children is limited. You can not have had enough experience to know what you want out of life - it would be a terrible mistake for you to commit the rest of your life at such a young age.

I'll be the bad guy (I'm male) here. I think you need out of this relationship. If you give her what she wants (a family), you will lose the chance to experience some of life, and may well spend your days feeling trapped and resentful.

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