5 men in my life...... HELP!!

**crazykkcatkate** · 04-07-2010 04:34 AM

I don't know how i do it. Im either alone with no one or have them fighting over me. Right now i have 5 men in my life and its exhausting me. I cannot continue like this because i feel like such a lying to them all and im going to end up trapping myself if i dont do something soon so i need some advice.
Guy no 1. Long distance relationship, see him every few weeks, sex is amasing and he is a sweetheart but i cannot see anything much happening as im moving in 5 months but everytime i try to end it he says or does something that i fall for him even more.

Guy no 2. A very good friend of mine for years, have been out a few times, hes been great to me over the years. slept with him once havnt seen him in a while but every so often he rings me and wants to get together. when i say yes something always happens he cant make it, when he says yes something always happens i cant make it, i feel like im going around in circles.

Guy no 3. My ex boyfriend. Broke up with him over 9 months ago because he was cheating on me while i was sick in hospital. Ended all communication but in the last few months he has had a very tough time at home, loosing his job and getting depressed that he spends a lot his time at home all day on the net talking to me. I still care about him alot and he keeps joking that we should get back together but i dont know can i fully trust him again.

Guy no 4. My best friend. This guy has to be the sweetest guy on earth. I love him to pieces. He has been there for me through everything. We spend so much time together, go out together, live next door to each other our friends joke that were a couple. More than once we haven fallen asleep together, looked after each other when were sick. The only thing we havnt done is had sex. I won a weekend away recently and in asked him if he would like to come with me but he has gone all weird on me and very distant and said no. Its all very strange and i have tryed talking to him but he just tells me to drop it.

Guy no 5. I recently met a guy online from my hometown. He is a gem, sssoooo lovely we often spend hours of the day chatting and skyping. He is gorgeous and ssoooo my type i would love something to happen but i will not be moving home for another 5 months. I dont know if he feels the same and will he wait 5 months.

Im ssssooooo confused right now, hours of my day are spent talking to all these guys and i just dont know what to do anymore. Help!!

**WildChild** · 04-07-2010 05:06 AM

Sounds like you want it all and are getting a tummy ache. Why not back off a bit?
#1-you are moving and it's already an LDR, you can either keep it light and then let go or just back off of it entirely.
#2-Don't go in circles, he never shows up anyway so if he wants to get together ask him to join you and gfs going out, if he doesn't show, you go have fun anyway - no waiting aroud.
#3- cut convos and chat to no more than 30 mins total in 24 hrs, encourage him to get out and DO something on his own.
#4- is probably aware of all the other men you entangled with, is happy being freinds and skittish at a weekend away moving into sex.
#5- don't worry about it, you can't make it happen right now, so keep it light and freindly and see what happens later.
Sounds like you spend entirely too much time on the computer with all these guys- just tell them you have things to do and places to go and get out and about.

**luvtheoneurwith** · 04-07-2010 08:13 AM

You should cut down to one guy. You should;
#1- you should cut him free. Tell him that you can't do the LDR thing any more and that
you think hes a great person but you can't do it anymore.
#2- A man who can't make it but keeps you on the line for a just in case. Is not looking for loving the right one, but looking for loving right now. He doesn't make the time for you, so be his friend and nothing else. Booty calls no more. I know you have things come up too but even in the busiest life there is room for wiggling and time for dancing. Sounds to me like you are too busy for him and he for you, so if you can't make time to be together make time to be a friend.
#3- An Ex that cheated on you...and now in a way you are cheating on him. You are the one suffering though. It may feel good to know you are doing the same to him that he did to you but in the long run you are only hurting yourself. Break it off and tell him if he needs help coping he should seek professional help or get advice from a friend, because you can't be there anymore.
#4- like previously said he knows you and your life the way it is, He is afraid of becoming yet another guy in your life...Back off and do as he wishes. Remind your self that you can be friends without a physical relationship.
#5-If he is the right one he will wait. If he loves you or even wants to try to love you, he will wait. the problem isn't will he wait but will you be able to stay a one man woman when you get to your new living condition. If you love him you will find a way to break all the others off and be with him. Yes you can be friends with the others too, but remember too many spoons in the pot ruins the stew.

**Hopeless Dork** · 04-07-2010 10:59 AM

When I first read 5 guys I thought how can you possibly spread yourself so thin, but then when I read the depth of the relationships it was clear to see how.

It seems you are really not getting what you need from any one of these 5 guys. That they give but a fraction of themselves to you and even when you add them all uptogether there is not enough fractions to make one whole boyfriend.

Other than the guy thats in the area of town you are moving to in 5 months I don't see a real potential developing into anything that makes you happy from any of these other guys.

I agree to keep it light and fun with him and focus on yourself for a while. Its probably not wise to get attached to someone where you are now since you are leaving soon so just have fun with friends and date and not worry so much.

**mdraven380** · 04-07-2010 11:36 AM

Could you send one my way, lol!

**mdraven380** · 04-08-2010 04:53 AM

No but seriously, I hope you get things figured out.
Good luck to you.

**Maximus** · 04-08-2010 05:20 AM

Originally Posted by mdraven

Could you send one my way, lol!

Beware what you wish for

**mdraven380** · 04-09-2010 10:37 AM

Originally Posted by Virgile

Beware what you wish for

Yes I know that all to well

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 04-12-2010 03:56 PM

True HD, I see the same.

Your just purely searching for (1) guy and your seeing all the little things in all of them, and latching on to them through the things you are missing in your life.

Interestingly, the long distance, and Internet ones are the ones your attracted to more so.. That's because people are open and talk via a net, or without commitment.

The others in my opinion, have good communication with you, are able to open up and love being around you, but I suspect, that that's all they want, or that they wan't more but not sexually, rather a relationship but know your all over the place

As, for your ex, he did his time, and if he's down, then so be it...

Don't go backwards go forwards.

I think you need to clear your mind a bit. In reality you have 5 friends, one with benefits.

There is nothing at all wrong with having guy friends, but you have to keep them all that way.

You don't actually want any of them, your just wondering which one, which means you haven't fallen for any of them, you just need...

Take that need aside, and just be friends with them all. Get your mind in order, so you can focus on actually, falling for someone, instead of needing someone.

CW

**caterpillar79** · 04-12-2010 06:03 PM

No not one of them. You seem like you got this trait that you like from each of them - all but a fraction.

Be friends with them, but be cautious not to develop any attachments. Looks like guy #5 is the one I would recommend for you to "explore" but not expect too much from. Get to know more people and don't narrow down to one yet until you find the one who gets to meet your non-negotiables. What do you think?